Having trouble dealing

[utopian]

This is a bit difficult for me...but I'm currently having problems dealing with my case of rape. It happened a year ago when I was 15.

 

Short version of what happened, I went to a party, this guy kept handing me drinks and I stupidly kept taking them and eventually I couldn't fight him off.

 

I kept it to myself from February until September when I told my cousin. Around November a boy in one of my classes that I've liked for about 2 years began to start feeling the same way. We began dating and just last weekend he found out everything that had happened. We're both having a bit of a hard time dealing with this.

 

I never dealt with this when it happened, I just kind of put it in the back of my mind. Well, now it's all coming out. During the day I'm generally happy and I tend not to think about it...I just keep myself busy I suppose. But at night I have a lot of trouble sleeping. Since my boyfriend found out, I've been averaging about 3 hours of sleep every night. I haven't been eating much as I get very naseous.

 

My boyfriend and I are constantly talking about it and I hate it. I know it's tearing him up inside and I want to help him deal with it...not the other way around. I'm sick of being this sad little girl. I want to just get over this and put it behind me, but I don't know how. I'm trying my best to be strong. My boyfriend keeps asking me to let him help me, but I don't exactly know how. How do I get over this and put it behind me?

[astaro]

first of all, if you want to help him deal with it... you need to deal with it

 

cant say much else other then its going to take time to deal with and is going to hard, i only have the expirience of waching to ex's go through this proccess but no expirience of my own so i cant truly understand what your going through.

 

i would have sugested finding someone to talk to that has been through the same, and you've allready taken a step in the right direction have you considered some form of therapy? this is big, no shame in asking for help.

[Fell.From.The.Sky]

Firstly, I am so so sorry that you had to go through something like that.

Its going to take a long time for yo to ever be "ok" with what happened to you. It is totally understandable that your boyfriend just wants to help you, and he probably doesn't know how he is going to help you either! He probably wants to go and find the guy that did it to you and beat the living day lights out of him. It's probably a case of, I really like this girl, how could something this bad have happened to her, I can't stand the fact someone would even DO that, let alone to anyone I care about, I dont know what to do.

 

You say you never dealt with it at the time, which is understandable. But maybe it is time for you to face it? Did you ever report what happened? Maybe you should. Maybe it would help you to "deal".

 

If you really can't stand talking about it all the time with your boyfriend, then you need to have a talk to him, tell him, that you never dealt with, it, you are trying to deal with it, but him talking about it all the time makes you feel uncomfortable. That one day when you are ready, you will be able to talk to him, and reassure him that when you need his help you will ask for it. He just wants to be there for you by the sounds of it. I know it must be hard but you should let him. Maybe you could tell him that now, right now in this conversation if he has any questions you will answer them. It will be hard to do sweetie but it might help put his mind at rest. And if you restrict it to this one conversation, and ask him not to ask you again then perhaps you can both start to move on.

 

 

 

I really hope this helps. Take care.

[rose2summer]

Hey utopian-

 

I am a rape survivor as well and I can relate to how you feel. I too boxed up my emotions and didn't deal with the rape until 3 years later as I was so busy with my education, didn't want anyone to know as I felt I had wronged, which is completely untrue.

 

It's very important to work out your emotions and it's best with a trained rape counselor as they will help you resolve your feelings. I tried counseling, which I was very reluctant to do so, and it helped me immensely.

 

The symptoms you feel are very normal, change in sleep patterns, anxiousness, but it's best to address the causes of each so you can heal.

 

If you live in the US, there is free and fully confidential counseling, which worked really well for me. They also provide counseling via the phone if you don't want one on one counseling in person and prefer it over the phone, you never need to give your name, no one will know. You can also get free legal advice, support groups, a social worker, etc.

 

Go to: link removed

There are 600 rape crisis centers in the country.

 

To find the counseling centers go to: link removed

 

You can receive phone counseling at any hour of the day or night as well at: 1.800.656.HOPE • Free. Confidential. 24/7.

 

You are definitely not alone in this process. It's hard to face your fears and overcome this but we back you up through the process.

 

Hugs, Rose

[Dateagain]

I am a rape survivor also. Counseling, for me, was the only way through it. You WILL be Ok, I promise. And please know there are many, many of us out there who know just how you feel. For some reason, I felt so isolated and shamed. Only through counseling and sisterhood have I been able, really able, to put it behind me. But this has been a many-years process. Be patient with yourself. You were victimized. Hugs, sweetie and keep reaching out.

[utopian]

I have spoken with him about what happened...And I did tell him to ask me any question at any time, because I really think that the more I talk about it the better it will get. He asked me a lot of questions and I answered all of them.

 

I never reported it, and I have no plans to. I feel very guilty about it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

 

Therapy really isn't an option. I can't bring myself to tell my parents, let alone ask them to let me see a therapist. Moreover, I am attending physical therapy at the moment and it's getting to be quite costly.

 

Talking about it all the time doesn't bother me as much as it did. It's not necessarily the fact that I'm, in essense, "reliving" what happened, I just hate my boyfriend to see me like that and constantly have to deal with me being like that. I don't mind talking about what happened to him, I just want to get past it. I'm in a bit of a conundrum I suppose. I'm sick of this being the only thing on my mind and the only thing we talk about and yet I feel as though I need to talk about this to put it behind me. I feel terrible that my boyfriend has to constantly deal with this. I hate that he had to be dragged into this. I hate burdening him with this.

[Dateagain]

Please use the free resources listed in the previous post. There are plenty of free counseling resources for rape victims, and you don't have to report anything to anyone. All you have to do is make the call. Truly, do this. This isn't something you just "get through" without some help. I feel you are focusing too much on your boyfriend here. This is something you need to get free of to move on for YOU. Hugs

[tyler013]

well i dont know your parents but i know that if they care about you enough that they will be surprised and mad and other emotions but they will help, i suggest sit them down and tell them, or one of them i have gone trough alot in my life not with rape but with drug abuse and such and i know that the one person i did think i could turn to was the one person who understood and helped me the most... my mom