utopian

I have spoken with him about what happened...And I did tell him to ask me any question at any time, because I really think that the more I talk about it the better it will get. He asked me a lot of questions and I answered all of them. I never reported it, and I have no plans to. I feel very guilty about it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Therapy really isn't an option. I can't bring myself to tell my parents, let alone ask them to let me see a therapist. Moreover, I am attending physical therapy at the moment and it's getting to be quite costly. Talking about it all the time doesn't bother me as much as it did. It's not necessarily the fact that I'm, in essense, "reliving" what happened, I just hate my boyfriend to see me like that and constantly have to deal with me being like that. I don't mind talking about what happened to him, I just want to get past it. I'm in a bit of a conundrum I suppose. I'm sick of this being the only thing on my mind and the only thing we talk about and yet I feel as though I need to talk about this to put it behind me. I feel terrible that my boyfriend has to constantly deal with this. I hate that he had to be dragged into this. I hate burdening him with this.

This is a bit difficult for me...but I'm currently having problems dealing with my case of rape. It happened a year ago when I was 15. Short version of what happened, I went to a party, this guy kept handing me drinks and I stupidly kept taking them and eventually I couldn't fight him off. I kept it to myself from February until September when I told my cousin. Around November a boy in one of my classes that I've liked for about 2 years began to start feeling the same way. We began dating and just last weekend he found out everything that had happened. We're both having a bit of a hard time dealing with this. I never dealt with this when it happened, I just kind of put it in the back of my mind. Well, now it's all coming out. During the day I'm generally happy and I tend not to think about it...I just keep myself busy I suppose. But at night I have a lot of trouble sleeping. Since my boyfriend found out, I've been averaging about 3 hours of sleep every night. I haven't been eating much as I get very naseous. My boyfriend and I are constantly talking about it and I hate it. I know it's tearing him up inside and I want to help him deal with it...not the other way around. I'm sick of being this sad little girl. I want to just get over this and put it behind me, but I don't know how. I'm trying my best to be strong. My boyfriend keeps asking me to let him help me, but I don't exactly know how. How do I get over this and put it behind me?