Guilt of Dumper

[kate111]

My ex must feel guilty at some level. I don't know if he justifies what he has done to himself or not. But he is avoiding me, certain people etc.

 

He is running away.

 

How will this impact on him in the long run?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Kate -

 

I suppose he may reflect. Or he'll get over it and move on completely. But what about you? How are YOU?

[kate111]

Terrible.

 

I feel a hole.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I'm sorry.

 

How long has it been?

[kate111]

almost 3 weeks.

[AwdreeHpburn]

super {{HUGS}}

 

Hang in there Kate! It gets easier with time.....I promise......

[This is Horrible]

they recover quicker. the hardest part for them is doing the actual dumping. after that its relief. my ex told me she is sorry she cant be there for me now because i am going through stuff, but she feels its the right thing and thats it.

 

they dump you because they dont love you anymore and dont want to be with you. thats the harsh reality.

 

i have been struggling a lot this weekend too. i found pics of my ex on webshots that were taken after we split and she was having a great time while i sit here being miserable.

 

sucks, but thats the way it is.

[kate111]

Life is cruel.

[This is Horrible]

Life is cruel.

 

this one hurts because i really did try hard to be the best bf i can and now it feels like i am just being kicked in the balls continuously.

 

if i didnt put the effort in, then i really wouldnt care, but a lot of time, effort and money were put in by me and now i feel like i wasted 19 months of my life, plus however long it takes me to get over this dumping, so it should surpass two years of my life wasted.

 

you're right, Kate111- Life Is Cruel!

[kate111]

I know how you feel.

 

I just read something on the internet where someone expressed the view that the dumper feels guilt so tries to vilify the dumpee so that he/she can feel justified in dumping them.

 

It said that they also have built up resentents about you that they need to express so will often talk negatively about you.

[This is Horrible]

Kate111

 

you need to try to let it go.

 

i have been trying. i still have my bad days (like this weekend) but it has gotten better over the last 7 weeks.

 

try to keep busy (as hard as that is) and you will see that time heals. its tough, but just keep telling yourself "YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS"-- because you ARE going to get through this.

[kate111]

I hope so. I feel so alone.

 

I mean I have people all around me, but still, I miss him.

 

So the vilification by the dumper thing is why we should act decently and not irrationally in a break up? They'll probably find something to complain about anyway.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I hope so. I feel so alone.

 

I mean I have people all around me, but still, I miss him.

 

 

I'm sorry you feel alone Kate! I know what you mean about having people all around you but still feeling alone.

 

You're E Not Alone....cheesey? OK - but no less true......

[This is Horrible]

 

You're E Not Alone....cheesey? OK - but no less true......

 

i seriously believe what you wrote above.

 

when i came here i felt like i was experiencing the most traumatic thing ever....but i found that pretty much everyone here is going through or has gone through the same thing as me.

 

the advice on here has really helped me a lot.

 

still not healed yet, not even close to it, but i am coming along much better than i would have ever if i didnt find this site.

 

the experience strength and hope this site has to offer really is priceless.

[Parsley]

I'm sorry you feel alone Kate! I know what you mean about having people all around you but still feeling alone.

 

You're E Not Alone....cheesey? OK - but no less true......

 

So true.

 

I was thinking about this earlier, I felt so so alone rght after the break up, even though I really wasn't. And my friends have been fantastic. But still, the people that know everything about what I'm feeling, and the people that have helped me most are people on here. There's always someone to turn to when it feels like there's no one else.

 

I happily volunteer! Email or PM me anytime you need it

[shikashika]

I felt horrible when I've been dumped... but when I dumped someone.. I felt a huge sigh of relief.. never guilty

 

I hate to say it.. but maybe he isn't feeling bad at all. I know I wasn't when I broke up with someone.

 

Of course the person who is dumped will feel worse and that sucks

[finewhine]

Whoa whoa whoa - if this was a long-term relationship in which you both loved one another and tried to make it work, the dumper probably feels awful. I ended my last relationship and I'm posting about it nine months after the fact. Dumping someone stinks!

 

If this was a shorter or one-sided relationship then there's no saying. But in that case, you didn't have too much at stake, either, so try to let go. It'll be better soon, I swear.

[jordan1234]

i agree it all depends. I have broken up with girls and have felt no guilt. BUT, my ex broke up with me last year and missed me terribley and we eventually got nack together. We broke up again about 4 weeks ago which makes this a bit of a pattern, but the point is that there are countless reasons that people break up. some move on quickly and some regret it and are lonely....

[number5]

I watched my ex-gf cry when she told me we should go our separate ways. I saw it coming, but I never imagined the one to be dumped and it felt like crap. Now, though, I feel like I've regained myself. She tried holding on for a few weeks after the breakup, but we moved beyond the limbo stage now into actually being done.

 

It was so weird too, I felt like we were in a catch-22. She had her first 9 to 5 job (which she also doesn't like) and I am still in my last year at college. Our schedules never really sync'd up well. I was always busy with school while she was just getting off work. Right girl at the wrong time. So much in common, finishing each other's sentences, we are both just immature.

 

When I was a junior and she was a senior in college, we were a lot happier, I just felt that lately, we fell into a routine. Oh, well, I've gotten back to myself lately, though, and I am starting to feel better.