Freshly separate - how to survive the first few days?

[Coniston]

Hi,

 

I've just ended a relationship with someone who at times could act very selfishly and frequently took me for granted.

 

In the three years that we were together I began to realise that my needs weren't being met and we worked on communication and did councelling, but it's been too painful.

 

I wonder if people can give advice on managing the first few days of breaking up, particularly in the unfortunate circumstance of still sharing a place (I won't be able to stay with friends for about four - six weeks).

 

One friend has said to "tune into you" and really start to think about what I want and need.

 

Any other ideas to help during this painful time would be welcome.

 

Thanks.

[kate111]

Argh I just went through this.

 

3 years and we shared a place.

 

Be prepared to feel AWFUL for at least 2 weeks.

 

I still feel awful but not in physical pain anymore.

 

Do no contact. Apparently you should.

 

I'm probably going to move out of the apartment. Too many memories. See how you feel about this too.

 

Have you got family you can stay with? You need a person you can moan to.

 

I also recommend the book "It's Called a Break Up because It's Broken". I just read it and it helped.

 

Oh and other helpful things could be:

 

Shrink (I'm seeing one).

Apparently writing down how you feel (I haven't done this)

Exercise.

[Coniston]

Hi there,

 

Many thanks for the advice. It's helpful and I will search for the book on Amazon.

 

Sorry, I'm a bit confused with "Do no contact. Apparently you should." Can you clarify.

 

Hope things are getting better for you too. Take care.

[kate111]

My 2 cents:

 

Basically if you need to get answers on why it happened then I think by all means see them so that you know their side of the story. But if you think they are going to repeat what they have already said then do no contact.

 

Basically if they have ended it they don't want to see you. They want to get away from you. To preserve your dignity and grace it is better that you do no contact so that you aren't constantly reminded of them. The more they reject you the more it will hurt.

 

Better to move on.

[Coniston]

Hi,

 

Thanks for explaining.

 

No, it's me who has ended it and would prefer no contact at the moment.

 

Unfortunately, we are stuck in the same house for another six weeks or so until I can return North to friends. No, no-where else to go at the moment.

 

Take care.

[cchurting]

Hi,

 

I went through the same thing. I lived with my boyfriend for a couple of weeks after the break, because neither of us had anywhere to go. It was awful to say the least.

 

What I did? Found ANY reason not to be at home, only to sleep. My ipod was my best friend; I pretty much had it on at all times. It seemed to keep me distracted, which is what I needed at the time.

 

I called my friends and did things I enjoyed, such as shopping and going to dinners. Took lots of long drives, looking at my dream houses. Keeping my hopes for the future alive.

 

A word of advice though: make sure you set living boundaries. AKA, no people of the opposite sex over, always come home at night. Even though you are broke up, you will always be wondering where he is if he doesn't.

 

Hope this helps.