Situation with a friend who has a girlfriend

[DazzleMe]

Hi I could really do with some advice - I'll make the story short.

 

Okay there's three of us, me, my male friend and his girlfriend. We're all pretty close. He loves his girlfriend. BUT a few months ago I told him I liked him and we ended up kissing. She doesn't know. (yeah i know it was bad, apaprently they were on a break). I was upset that he went back to his girlfriend and he said he did it because he felt 'sorry' for me and he didn't want to reject me. However, it was kida obvious he liked it!! He said he loves her.

 

So that was a few months ago, and things have changed. We don't go out anymore as friends - but the problem is him. He said 'we're not married to you so we don't need to be in constant contact' which is unfair. I said they were leaving me out.

 

So why is he being like this? His girlfriend is a bit of an idiot as a) she thought we were going behind her back before we even did (this is partly the reason he kissed me, to get back at her in his head). b) She thinks he doesn't love her when he clearly does, he'd do anything for her. So what do I do?

 

I've tried everything to win him back as a friend (I'm closer to him than his girlfriend) by ignoring him, being really friendly..being understanding etc etc....but what he said today about we not needing to be around eachother shows he doesn't really care about me?

 

Shall I ignroe him and hope he comes back? (I've been doing this but he hasn't) We see eachother around college and he says 'hi' etc and has lil conversations but doesn't really want to spend loads of time with me - well he doesn't arrange anything.

 

I just feel like I've lost him on both levels - as a really good friend..and well, as someone who's just been rejected.

 

Why's he being like this?

[Lboogie23]

Well, you even said yourself that you thought that he kissed you just to get at her for already assuming that the two of you had been together.

To me that says that he probably isn't into you as much as you are into him. It sounds like he loves and chooses to be with his girlfriend for whatever reasons that have nothing to do with you. He may still want to be your friend but feels akward about the kiss. Also he may not feel right with you hanging out with the two of them bc he may feel like it compromises his relationship. And i only say that bc you kissed each other.

 

Have you tried to talk to him? Maybe you can work past this. Would you be okay with just being friends? try to talk to him when his gf is not around. Good luck

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i'm sorry... it sounds like he has decided that he doesn't want to be close with you anymore... it could be that he feels awkward about the kiss, or that he is getting closer to his girlfriend and more serious with her and doesn't want to hang out with his friends as much anymore...

 

but this is quite clear:

 

'we're not married to you so we don't need to be in constant contact' .

 

he's basically spelling out that he is a couple with his girlfriend, and is letting you know that they don't feel obligated to spend time with you. i think you feel they 'owe' it to you to spend time with you, but friendship and relationships are optional for everyone involved. it is sad when friendships fade away, but it happens and one can't force back into the friendship if the other people don't want it..

 

i think all you can do know is to respect his wishes and move on... spend time with your other friends and make new ones.

[renaissancewoman101]

I would say, give him some space for a bit and then reapproach him and the subject in a few weeks. I still think you guys can work out a friendship, esp since you guys had a great friendship before. I do think the kiss messed things up a bit, but he made the move on you. Maybe he's afraid of how his gf might think if you guys stayed friends. I dunno.

 

Like I said, give it some time and then talk to him about it. I would hate to see a long term friendship go up in smoke because of what happened.