getting a little frustrated with my luck these days.

[deejay74]

not sure if this is in the right category, so sorry if it's not.

 

i just need to vent a little frustration right now.

 

i don't know what i am doing wrong, but lately the girls i have been interested in getting to know on a more romantic level have either been in a relationship, not interested in me like that, or gay (this was only 1 girl who i think is gay).

 

i am wondering if i somehow know these things on a subconscious level but i can't figure it out. i am not getting any luck in finding someone who's interested in me the same way i am.

 

i met a couple of girls at school. the first one i know is single so i emailed her the other day just to say "hey". i didn't email her the same day she gave me her address, but i waited a little bit. tonight my room mate is dj'ing in the city at a free event that's near were she lives so i invited her out. this was 2 days ago and i haven't heard from her. since tonight is the night, i expected to hear from her because i asked if she wanted to go.

 

the second girl, who i thought was interested in me via her body language and such, gave me her email address today. so, being the curious person i am, i searched for her on myspace. i found her, but she had mentioned her "girlfriend" in her profile and it says she's in a relationship. it doesn't have anything listed under her "orientation" either but i saw 3 pics of her and this other girl on there. but all signs point to her being a lesbian.

 

another girl, who completely came on to me and flrted with me turns out to be married! this girl i was really hoping to be single since we have so much in common.

 

i dunno, i am a little frustrated. it's been a year since i had a GF and i am ready to start dating again, but it seems like i am not having such good luck.

 

any suggestions??

 

thanks!

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi Deejay,

 

Actually, it does just sound like bad luck... Also that you have been led on to some extent... (the married one)

 

My gut tells me that perhaps, because it has been a year since your last gf that you might just be a little anxious...

 

I would just keep on guy, eventually sometings gotta give.

 

Jeff

[ElegantOverkill]

I know how you feel bro. I am in the same boat. Its been 9 months since my gf broke up with me and now i am ready to get out there and mingle! I seem to never get any looks when im out or the girls i do talk to never seem to into me. It has been messing with my mind a bit and i am starting to question myself. Its making me feel down about my looks and personality. I hope to snap out of it soon but its not looking good.

[AzureSkyes69]

Yeah don't rush anything when it is the right time,you will find the one who is right for you.Maybe go out to places with your friends where you can posibly meet someone..like a bowling alley or a club or prehaps a hobby or a interest you have like if you like art you might meet someone at a art gallerey or a museum.Just a few examples.

 

I know you can feel lonley and wish you had a special person in your life.But whatever you do don't rush things or make yourself look needy & clingy with the person you date.I had a someone I cared about very much I fell for and I was so happy to have her and that she cared about me too.So ended up going overboard and I got too excited about it all and pushed her away by making her feel trapped (I never meant to make her feel like that) It was my undoing.Now I think I lost that person for good.

 

Just take things slow and you will be happy and so will she.

Whatever you do if you find the one you believe to be for you hold on to her ..but not too tightly. (sorry maybe that was unrelated to what you wrote) hope I helped somewhat...though (I am frustrated with myself today...sorry for the rant)

 

Best of luck in finding a gf.

[deejay74]

 

My gut tells me that perhaps, because it has been a year since your last gf that you might just be a little anxious...

 

perhaps, but i am conscious that i am "seeking" a potential GF. i've "hooked up" with a few girls since my ex, but never wanted anything more from them.

 

so, i dunno if i am giving off that vibe. i am trying not to.

 

and before everyone says "you'll find a GF when you're not looking", i believe that's BS. all the girls i who've been my GF were my GF because i was looking. in addition, i use an analogy like this: if you're starving and haven't eaten in a while, all you will be able to think about is finding food. you won't find food if you're not looking for it.

[deejay74]

Yeah don't rush anything when it is the right time,you will find the one who is right for you.Maybe go out to places with your friends where you can posibly meet someone..like a bowling alley or a club or prehaps a hobby or a interest you have like if you like art you might meet someone at a art gallerey or a museum.Just a few examples.

 

I know you can feel lonley and wish you had a special person in your life.But whatever you do don't rush things or make yourself look needy & clingy with the person you date.

 

hi kleopatra, thanks for sharing your story.

 

i've considered going to someplace public like a museum to meet girls, but i am not brave enough to start chatting with a complete stranger. i do best when i have been introduced or in an environment where i will see the person on a regular basis, like in class. that's why i chatted up the first 2 girls in my original post.

 

see, i am trying really hard not to come accross needy, clingy, or desperate. i've done that before, so i know that is not a good thing to do.

 

the email i sent to the first girl i thought was not sounding desperate at all. all i said was that i was in her class, i asked her what music she was into because i am a dj and so are my room mates. i then invited her out to meet me at the club tonight if she was interested in seeing/hearing good dj's. that's really it.

 

well, the only other thing i can think of is maybe i am putting out signals on a subconscious level that they're picking up. the problem is, since it's not a conscious thing, i don't realize i am doing it.

 

now with this girl who i think is a lesbian, well, i dunno what happened with her. like i said, it seemed she was giving me subtle signals that she might be interested in me. she gave me her email address today but now i don't think i will email her, unless it's related to school.

 

oh well.

[i1dr]

Yeah ... the part about not getting any looks gets to me sometimes too. I wonder ... do I have some kind of "hungry" look on my face or something?

My friends tell me that I'm too direct in the way I look at people but heck the way they are you'd wonder how they can make any friends or a girlfriend because they have the typical "I'm in my own space, don't look at anyone just in case it could be improper - religion) No thanks. I'm from Europe originally and I can't stand how everyone here in the usa seem to only be approacheable in the traditional pick up places (which I have no use for) or when females are with friends - when all of a sudden they seem to get courage.

But I'm not looking for anything. I mean at the back of my head it would be nice to find someone wonderfull - but that is a long road - so I'm just happy to chat and take things easy with no agenda.

 

I'm starting to think that the average female thinks you are trying to pick them up if you even smile at them and feel perhaps that they have to decide if you are a life long partner potential in a split second before they smile back.

 

What the heck is up with that? I've actually never been single for more than two months in my whole life and now at age 46 after my last five year relationship where we were engaged got mangled by that "I don't know who I am" monster - I would like to stay single! I don't particularly want any sex. Truth is I'd like to stay away from that. I know it sounds funny coming from a guy but I've had enough and it all seems to be too personal. There is no morallty here I'm trying to push here - I'm quite open minded but it just is'nt for me right now.

So despite not really "looking" with any emphasis for anything - I've noticed I don't get looked back at very much to the point it's making me wonder if perhaps I should shave more often or something - or move back to europe.

 

What ever happened to simply being friendly?

[AzureSkyes69]

Hi Deejay,

 

Your welcome ..it was a rant but I am happy you liked me sharing it.

Well as far as the girl you believe to be a lesbian..I don't think it hurts to talkto her and be her friend(nothing wong with making new friends) ...and who knows,she may have some straight friends she could introduce you too.

have you thought of that?

 

~Kleo

[deejay74]

I'm from Europe originally and I can't stand how everyone here in the usa seem to only be approacheable in the traditional pick up places (which I have no use for) or when females are with friends - when all of a sudden they seem to get courage.

 

I'm starting to think that the average female thinks you are trying to pick them up if you even smile at them and feel perhaps that they have to decide if you are a life long partner potential in a split second before they smile back.

 

What ever happened to simply being friendly?

 

i think you're absolutely right!! i live in nyc and males here are super aggressive when it comes to trying to meet a potential hook up buddy or even a girlfriend. i was never used to that but i have come to terms that that's just the way it is here.

 

and being in nyc, i have met many females from other parts of the world, mostly europe though. and i have to agree, i have had better luck with approaching and talking to them. it seems they are more open to meeting men. but i am not condemning all american girls as that's all i've dated.

 

Well as far as the girl you believe to be a lesbian..I don't think it hurts to talkto her and be her friend(nothing wong with making new friends) ...and who knows,she may have some straight friends she could introduce you too.

have you thought of that?

 

no i haven't!! you're absolutely right too. thanks!

[deejay74]

i think i might know what might be causing this "bad luck" i've been having, i think i am not being patient enough. not to say i'm showing it. that, i know, would be considered "desparate or needy".

 

i say this because the girl i first mentioned just emailed me! she said that she can't come out tonight because she's working but she wants me to let her know when i am dj'ing next. i expected an email sooner, for some reason.

 

i forgot to mention she's from spain and so i also asked (in my email) if she could cook spanish food since she works in catering. in the response she said that spanish cooking usually involves cooking for large amounts of people so she cooks plain stuff for herself. then she ended by saying see you in class.

 

i know that's a very neutral email. right now, my gut tells me to leave it at that for now. i am thinking just talk to her when i see her in class next week. or is this too passive?

 

this is the point where i start to worry about showing too much interest or not enough. it's a hard balance for me to gauge.

 

any advice is appreciated!

[ghost69]

you should never go out looking for a gf. you need to go out with a bunch of guys and look for chicks. chicks to have some drinks with and have fun. what happens later happens. if you beat yourself up so much about not finding someone, you never will. you can end up being picky and skip a potential gf.

 

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[matius]

Right ghost69, I agree completely -- it's always easier with friends. But what if you don't have any friends or very few? And the ones you do aren't the type to act like wingmen? Are you doomed forever or should you just start making fast friends.

[ghost69]

play coy now. this is the perfect time to start your move. just wait to see her in class. don't act too worried and ask her why she didn't reply sooner. that would be a blow to your image. just strike up a generic conversation about what you have talked about so far. bring up her food stuff. act interested. maybe think of a restaurant that has that serves that type of food. ask her if she has been there. if not, ask her to go with you. if so, tell her you've never been, what do you recommend? she may ask you to go with her.

 

this is the perfect opportunity to take the conversation further into other topics, etc. if she keeps talking, you know she is interested. perfect time to ask her for coffee or something simple. don't bust out a dinner question if you got nowhere with the other one.

 

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