Should I be worried?

[Buttermaker]

I started dating this woman back on New Years and things are actually going pretty good. They started off slow and now we are at the phase where we say " I love you". I wouldn't say it unless I meant it and I know that she wouldn't either, so the feelings are definitely there. My only concern is another guy that she knows. There is this one that she works with. They first met each other a month or so ago, when me and her were still not that serious yet. I know that he likes her alot - she is open with everything to me. The sad thing is, he is 17, turning 18 pretty soon. She is almost 31! It's not unusual for a younger man to have the hots for an older woman. It seems to be the "in" thing now. That is my concern. When she first started working with him, she originally though he was gay. She seemed disappointed for some reason. Then she found out he is straight, but alot younger than she realized. She seemed even more disappointed because of his age. My concern is, they exchanged phone #'s and text message each other all the time. Even on her MSN "My Space", she wrote in her blog where the both of them walked arm and arm up the stairs at work and how much she "loves him - as a friend". I am frightened that she took more than a liking to this kid. She seems to be the type to fall for anyone. She also told me that she went for coffee after work with him a couple of times just recently.

 

I just find it odd that my 31 year old gf is hanging around a 17 year old kid at work, exchanging phone #'s and going for coffee with him. Should I be concerned or what? She did tell me that he did take a liking to her. I just hope that she can just be friends with him and nothing more. I never let her know that I am worried about this. I never bring him up to her, cause I don't want her to think that I am the jealous type. She has told me that she would never do anything to hurt me though. But she is very sexual, so who knows what's going through her mind. To be honest, I am scared!

[Rabican]

Read your post. I took the liberty of deleting some of it, and left the concerning bits. At the very least, this is something you need to address with her. Its obviously concerning you, hence you posting this here. thereforeeee, its not something to ignore or refuse to confront. Dont be jealous, just be REAL. Tell her your concerns, at the very least you know the guy likes her so she has got to be very careful, and very respectful of you when it comes to her behavior with this guy. She shouldnt be going out on lunch dates with a guy who 'likes her'. She should tell him that its not appropriate to be spending 'date time' with a guy who has a thing for her... as she is in a relationship.

[Buttermaker]

Actually, I have mentioned it a couple times. I brought it into the conversation very casually about him. I asked her if I had "competition". She told me not to worry about him, that they are just friends. I am always afraid to bring it up because she told me that she has had jealous boyfriends in the past and she doesn't need that in her life.

 

She is the type that loves the attention from other men. She does have male friends that text message her. That doesn't bother me... well maybe a little. She has shown me a couple of text messages from male friends. Some send her 'cyber kisses'. One ex boyfriend even had the nerve to tell her that he rented a hotel room in town here and he wanted her to come over for sex. She was angry with him for that. But what amazes me is that she tells me everything! She has no problem showing the text messages from guys. Maybe she is trying to get me jealous? Maybe trying to get a reaction? She did make a comment once that "It's so nice, everyone wanting me". She seems to like having men give her alot of attention. I don't think she had that in the past and now seems to be loving it.

 

But back to that 17 year old. I do agree that it's not right for her to be going for coffee with him. Never in my life would I go for coffee or drinks with a female friend, while I am in a relationship.

[g1234567890h]

Hey, I'm in a relationship right now and I have plenty of female friends. My coworker is 35 and married and I'm great friends with her. We talk about a lot of things and we do things together. I have other female friends that I'm close to, whom I have coffee or lunch with, and it's fine because they're just friends. A lot of my female friends are jealous of my girlfriend.

 

Conversely, my girlfriend has several guy friends who do have feelings for her. She routinely sees them as friends. I've met most of them. We all know they're just friends and a lot of them are jealous of me, but that's just the way things are.

 

I don't think that once you're in a relationship you should push away everyone who is of the opposite sex, even if they show some liking to you. You just need to both have good boundaries.