porn

[mermayd]

I am having a hrd time dealing with porn lately. I dont want to dislike it as much as I do...I depsise it. I dont know why but I do. I want to be one of those women who can enjoy it with their partner rather than hate it so much. But I cant change who I am. I just have to accept it. But I always get so bent out of shape about it. I hate the fact that he gets turned on by looking at other women, and then asks for sex. he gets turned on by me too...I know I am being really selfish in saying this but I want to be the only one who he gets aroused by. In my past relationships (not to sound conceited in any way) my ex's have always worshipped the ground I walk on. They make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and I never have been so jealous as I am in this relationship. I just dont feel very sexy and when I see him look at other women, it makes me feel less sexy. He's even starting a porn site so he can make money. Why does he have to make money by doing something I hate so much? I havent expressed my feeling about this because I know it bothers him that I dont like porn. I have tried accepting it and let him just do what he pleases with it and I used to get very angry and he hated that. I understand guys need visual stimulation and all that and I know that there's nothing about porn that I really should be concerned about at all and I know guys just do it, no matter what. But I dont like it. I have supressed my feelings about it b/c I dont feel I should get upset about it and everyone tells me its something that will never change and I will have to come to terms with it. How can I not get so frustrated about this issue? I have told him my feelings about it before and he clearly knows my veiws. I dont want to be this way, I dont want to hate it so much. What is ironic is in my last relationship, I WANTED my ex to look at porn and I thought something was wrong with him that he didnt. Now my bf DOES and I hate it. Whats wrong with me? Someone please help me out.

[bleeder]

Hi Mermayd,

 

In my humble opinion, I feel that the problem lies with HOW your boyfriend views porn, in terms of his attitude towards it. It is not about you here.

 

You might have wanted your ex to view them since he abstained from them, in a way...it turns you on. But your present situation might be different. In the sense that your boyfriend seems to place porn in precedence as compared to you. That is not right in a relationship.

 

I do agree that porn can be a stimulant in a relationship, when viewed and appreciated together. But if he uses it as a means to arouse himself for you, then I think that there is something seriously amiss here.

 

Do talk to him and let him know your sentiments. Make him understand that he would not like it too if you were to get aroused by looking at naked dudes prior to sex with him.

 

I hope that I have helped...and btw, it's nice to back here again! Tk care.

[Gunther]

Okay here is the deal-> if you hate porn TELL HIM if you dont want him hosting a site of porn TELL HIM relationships are built on comunication, and when you feel like you cant tell him something like this then you might have a problem. some people dont like porn and if you are one of em' try to come to a compramise.

[mermayd]

I have told him, we HAVE talked.

[Jamiegirl]

When you talked to him what did he say.

 

I am sorta in the same boat as you when it comes to porn. My bf watches it alot and I told him how i felt and we came to an aggreement or a comprmise to stop us from fighting about it. I asked him to be more open about it and let me in on the fun. He told me that it has nothing to do with me or the way I look he just likes it and thats the bottom line. So I accept it now.

 

Its normal to want to be the only one that arrouses him but in reality something else will always arrouse him just like something else other than him will arrouse you. Try putting yourself in his shoes to better understand him thats what I did and it helped.

Good Luck 8)

[Hday222]

I am glad I came accross this because this is a problem I am having and it is tearing me up. I have been with my husband for 3 years and we have been married a year and a half, I don't like him to look at porn and he knows that and what he has don in the past because of that has made it worse. I have always told him I didn't like it and exactly how it makes me feel he would do things like look at it while I was asleep next to him and while I was at work. I would ask him about it and he would deny it and later admit it. Well for about three months in the first 6 months of our marriage he told me he had stopped. I believed him things were great and then I found out he had been lying to my face the whole time. He then kept on with him habit until about 6 months later where he said he had stopped and six months later I came home and caught him and slapped him. He almost divorced me and we worked it out but then he said he had maybe 1 or 2 pictures of girls in his car and so no need to look, one day I looked and I found 300 pictures of girls in his car he had printed off of the computer I confronted him with this and he got angry with me and laughed at me. Scince this incident he says he has not looked at it, I don't know wether or not to believe him and here and there I will ask him about it and he gets more angry and violent and he calls me a psycho bitch . I don't know what to do we recently bought a house and I am on the opposite coast from my family, I have nowhere to go and no money... I am really scared and I feel really vulnerable and horrible and I just wish I could do something. I want to work things out but I can't handle the lies I guess I keep hoping this time he has really stopped but I don't know. Any advice? also my jealousy from this has progressed to where I get really angry when he is checking out my friends infront of me and it makes me feel like I can't have female friends. My husband tells me I am hot on occasion and always says he wants me to stay. But when I tell him how I feel he gets upset and tells me to leave and I don't cus I have nowhere to go and by the next day he is fine and acts like we never fought,