Being friendly . . . leading him on?

[luckycharm23]

I've never been able to figure out when or if I cross the line between just being friendly or coming accross as interested in dating a guy.

 

By nature, I am shy and it takes awhile for me to open up to people and be really chatty.

 

Lately, I've been talking to a particular guy who's really friendly and approachable, so I'm comfortable around him. I am not, however, interested in him romantically. He's just not my type. Today he suggested getting together.

 

Because I'm shy, I know it "stands out" that I'm talking to him more than others.

 

Is there a nice way to let him know that I just want to be friends? It would help if I didn't have to say it using those exact words. Also, should I stop talking to him as much?

 

I feel bad that I might be leading him on without intending to.

 

Thank you.

[annie24]

Welcome to enotalone! You can say things in your conversation that would let him know you are only interested as a friend. Like, tell him about some guy you have a crush on and say, "I am really glad that I have a friend like you I can confide in." I think that should give him the hint.

[anggrace]

This is hard for me too.

 

I invited a guy from work to go have some drinks, just for friendly conversation, we did and the next day he asked me to go to dinner. I guess I was nieve b/c I thought it was nothing and said yes. He got a huge smile and said, "its a date!" Now he acts all giddy around me at work. And I feel bad for having been so friendly.

 

So apparently theres not much of a line between being nice and flirting. It is what that person wants it to be. Id hate to have to clarify my intentions every time I want to hang out w/ a guy. But I guess if you don't, assumptions might be made.

[anggrace]

Welcome to enotalone! You can say things in your conversation that would let him know you are only interested as a friend. Like, tell him about some guy you have a crush on and say, "I am really glad that I have a friend like you I can confide in." I think that should give him the hint.

 

Good idea!

[Altruist]

Just let him know that he is in the friendzone. The harm has been done already and there is no use pretending otherwise.

[luckycharm23]

Thank you for your advice.

 

This guy and I work together (like anggrace), so I want to handle things carefully.

 

What did you do anggrace?

[luckycharm23]

Just let him know that he is in the friendzone. The harm has been done already and there is no use pretending otherwise.

 

Can you suggest a good way of doing that without sounding cruel? I know if he's interested it's not going to sound great period, but as a guy do you have any suggestions?

 

I'm just not very good at this stuff. I feel like I've just been myself -- I didn't really think I could be leading him on.

[Altruist]

Can you suggest a good way of doing that without sounding cruel? I know if he's interested it's not going to sound great period, but as a guy do you have any suggestions?

 

I'm just not very good at this stuff. I feel like I've just been myself -- I didn't really think I could be leading him on.

 

As a guy I think I would get the message if a girl talked about other guys in my presense. Also try not to give him any special attention while at work but treat him the same way you treat the other guys there. Although he might be hurt, he will realize that you were just being friendly all along without any amorous intentions. If he tries to push it, then you can tell him in his face that you just want him as a friend. He'll get over it. Its better than telling him when he's fallen too deep -that could lead to him resenting you which might strain your working relationship. The earlier the better. Good luck!

[luckycharm23]

Thank you tronix and everyone.

 

It's tough because I do think he's great and I like chatting with him -- I'm just not interested in anything more than being friends. We've been chatting for quite awhile now -- months -- so I wasn't thinking it was anything more than that. Although maybe I should have.

 

Thanks again.