I wish there was chemistry....

[shikashika]

About 6 months ago I met a guy when I was overseas.

 

He and I were both on holiday... we met in a different country, but we live in the same country ... about an hour and a half flight away.

 

I had only been dumped by my boyfriend at the time for about 2 weeks, so no way was I even thinking about having a holiday romance.

 

Since my holiday, this guy that I met have been talking for a short time each day on MSN... I think he is a fantastic guy

 

All the the things I complain about 'guys doing this or guys doing that" he doesn't.

 

I've even written posts on here on how hard it is to find a guy who likes all the things I like... and this guy is it!

 

He's told me how he was very attracted to me... and still is.

 

When I used to say" I want this and this and this in a guy..." He has all that!

 

but... I don't feel ANY chemistry at all..

 

I haven't seen him in 6 months... and we met on holiday so maybe only thinks of me when I was tanned in my summer clothes.. know what I mean by this over-glorified idea of someone? When they may not be like that?

 

But.. as I said, we talk most days.. he says I'm attractive that I challenge him etc etc.. and I really really like him

 

We are thinking of meeting up in the next couple of months..

 

has anyone ever met someone that they really wished they had more chemistry with? Maybe there could be some... but this guy has... on paper.. everything I want.. and we get along fantastically... why can't I be attracted to him?

[annie24]

I hear you! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt! *sigh* I have no answer to your question. I wish I did. That's just what I asked Rhonda for her piece starting tomorrow.

[shikashika]

Hey annie.. I just read your question to Rhonda....not that it helps mine! but I hope you find your answer!

 

Thing is.. I have never dated this guy.. I met him when I was in Spain... and only for 3 days of my holiday... and the only reason ( and I feel TERRIBLE for this....) that I think I'm not attracted to him is from his photos.... ( I feel like a terrible shallow witch!)

 

but then I have bad photos of me.. and I've dated guys who I didn't have any attraction towards at the beginning... but after a while I found incredibly attractive..

 

and.. I haven't seen him for 6 months..

[annie24]

well, I don't know. Maybe it is worth it to meet him sometime in the future. but don't have any big hopes. I don't know, since he lives far, but not too far, maybe next time you happen to be in his city, meet for lunch and see if there is anything there. But if you feel ambivalent towards him, I wouldn't go to any extremes to meet up.

[shikashika]

yeah.. I would have to go purposely to see him... but even if I didn't know about his feelings towards me.. I would still want to go because I think we would have so much fun together... and Vancouver is a fun place to visit for a weekend trip...

 

I really really like him..in all honesty he's one of the neatest people I've ever met.. he's interesting, challenges me too.... but you are right.. I'm pretty ambivalent towards him..NOW.. but perhaps that could change if I actually talked to him in person rather than finger tapping on MSN!

 

I just wonder if I'm actually meeting a guy who is good for me.. and I'm going to let it slip away or pass me by .. because as all my other relationships have failed maybe I haven't been looking for the right guys?

 

I'm so indecisive!

[annie24]

I don't know, it can't hurt to go for a weekend. If you happen to have a friend living there, go meet up with her, and spend part of your time with him. certainly don't stay with him in his place. keep your activities outdoors, you don't know him so well. Only if this is convient and financially viable for you.....

[caro33]

Hi there shikashika

 

When you look back on the time when you met him, does it seem like no chemistry is possible? I know you were in a different headspace then, but can you imagine yourself with this guy intimately (and positively) at all?

 

Are we just talking physical chemistry by the way? It sounds like you mean mental chemistry as well, but I'm not sure.

[shikashika]

hey caro,

 

I think we have a mental connection.. just not in a lover type of way

 

He is not an unattractive guy... he has a sweet smile..just don't' know if I want to kiss him or sleep with him...

 

I only actually saw him in person for a few days... and I feel like I've gotten to know him much better now.... but at that time I was thinking of hooking up with nobody ( and only thinking of my ex!)

 

Other guys have 'grown on me'

for lack of a better word... so I guess...maybe he could... he just has so much of what I'm looking for I don't want to pass it by..

but I also don't want to mess with him and 'try him out for a while'.. because I think thats just playing with someone

[caro33]

well I'm with annie - why not go for a visit, no strings attached. Make your own accommodation plans etc. It's just a visit, like friends. See how you feel. Why not be friends? I think this is fair enough and isn't leading him on. Keep it light, keep it platonic, and just relax!

[caro33]

BTW all the guys I've loved have 'grown' on me. I honestly can't say how I would have felt about them under the circumstances you described. I think I might not have even given my husband a chance (particularly if it was the wrong photo I had).

[shikashika]

I agree... the guys I've been the most in love with.. I wasn't attracted to at the beginning...

 

only thing is.. he is the only friend I have in Vancouver...

 

hmnnn...

[caro33]

I agree... the guys I've been the most in love with.. I wasn't attracted to at the beginning...

 

only thing is.. he is the only friend I have in Vancouver...

 

hmnnn...

 

How about a hotel? You can pretend you have a friend and then get away if need be!

[shikashika]

yeah i dont' hat that much spare cash... I never actually thought of NOT staying with him.. I've traveled with plenty of male friends where we hung out in our underwear and shared beds and nothing happened

 

I think I would feel even weirder if I stayed in a hotel... just my opinion..

 

I just dont' know why I'm not attracted to him... or don't know if I could be!

[Altruist]

... and the only reason ( and I feel TERRIBLE for this....) that I think I'm not attracted to him is from his photos.... ( I feel like a terrible shallow witch!)...

 

 

What do you mean by this? That he is not facially appealing? If that's the case, I would suggest that you give it time and see if you still feel the same way after your holiday with him. However, if you find the idea of having a holiday with him repulsive perhaps you could tell him that you 'just don't feel it' for him rather than be guilty of leading him on later.

[shikashika]

What do you mean by this? That he is not facially appealing? If that's the case, I would suggest that you give it time and see if you still feel the same way after your holiday with him. However, if you find the idea of having a holiday with him repulsive perhaps you could tell him that you 'just don't feel it' for him rather than be guilty of leading him on later.

 

He is in no way replusive or even unattractive.. just kind a bit too chubby for my liking.. eventhough most people would think he is not chubby at all!! he is qutie active... I've just always been with fit guys..

 

Maybe its somethng else about his personality that I dont' like either.. I don't know..

 

I analyse far too much!!

[Altruist]

Hmm...in that case there is no need to force yourself to force yourself to like him in the hope that the chemistry will develop with time. Better not to pursue this one IMO. If you are not attracted to him he might feel that you led him on. You can keep him as a friend though but explain that you only want to be friends with him and nothing more. Of course thats just my opinoin. Good luck!