Asking a best friend to be your GF?

[jojomugs]

Ok, I'm 15 and I first met this girl, same grade, about 3-4 months ago. First i got to know her through a friend, and i started talking to her through msn. After awhile, we got really close, mostly on msn, and we would sometimes spend nights just talking about nothing for as long as 5-6 hours. She literally became my best-friend(i never had a best girl friend before), and we told each other everything. A month after being friends, we stumbled upon the topic of liking each other, and we realized that we both liked each other more then as friends. But because both of our parents aren't so open towards dating, and because we weren't quite ready to "risk" the relationship at the time, we kind of buried the topic and decided to be just friends.

 

After that talk, nothing changed, and we were close as we were in the beginning, if not closer. My feelings toward her, which being more than as just friend, kind of faded after that talk, and i just started thinking of her as just a friend. At one point, we were sending almost 500 text messages to each other in a month, mostly during school classes, and i'd call her everyday or every other day. Although i'm not a very talkative guy, she would always have something to say and i'd just enjoy listening to her talk (we'd stay on for an hour or so). Although she doesn't go to my school (I go to an all boys we see each other at church every sunday, and i've so far went out with her "as friends" about 3-4 times(we can't go out often because she lives far away).

 

Recently, my feelings for her, more than as a friend, returned. And the bad part about this is that i think she's kind of fading off on our relationship. About 1 1/2 weeks ago, we went to the mall,(after exams in the morning), and we just spent the whole day just walking and looking around, and had dinner together. And it seems like after that, she became less sincere to me just on msn. She doesn't come on msn as often now, and we don't talk as much either. But when i called her yesterday, which was the first time i called since we went out to the mall, we talked for around an hour, and she acted very normal and sincere.

 

Now i'm getting the feeling that im being clingly, but i really can't stop thinking about her and i get frustrated when it kinda seems that she's less interested in me then she was before. For a few days, i've been trying to focus on other things in life and other friends, and it's only working to a certain degree, as i think about her numerous times a day.

 

I've asked her to go to see a show this friday, but she said her mom said no. It was frustrating because it was the first time she couldn't go out, and i feel paranoid because i can't really find out even if she asked her mom about it.

So after a few days of thinking, ive just decided that she is just as normal as before but i'm just being paranoid about everything. Next week is valentines, and i was thinking of asking her to be my gf, but i don't really know what to do, and i also have no idea if she can go out (since it's a week day).

 

Well thanks to any of you who cared to read my post, and please offer any advices on your mind.

 

p.s. It's really weird how i'm not really attracted to the sexual relationship with this particular girl(although she does have an attractive body). Maybe it's because we started out as best friends, but it seems like i have no intention of going farther then kissing. and i was wondering why that is

[NKP]

Maybe you just see her as a real good friend, like a sister or something but if you think it is different why dont you just talk to her about it and tell her everything

[lifestream]

For me it took time to build a sexual attraction. My ex was my best friend in Gr 11 and 12. I was attracted to her first because she paid attention to me, secondly because she was an attentive and a nice girl and only then did I realize that she was actually pretty attractive physically.

 

And once we started dating I was fine with just kissing with her...but sexual feelings build, and they built rather quickly. It was sort of like the fuse slowly going deeper into the pack of dynamite.

 

So you might not think you're all that interested in a sexual relationship with this girl, but once you start kissing/making out, all bets are off. You will probably grow emotionally and sexually attached.

 

 

I sometimes wonder what would have happened though, if I didn't date my ex in high school (she took up Gr 11 and 12). I wonder if we'd even still be friends. I think I'd be extraordinarily jealous and would have moved on if we didn't date anyway.

I think once you like each other as more than friends you should act on it, because it may not be there forever, and who knows what else could screw it up (i.e. her dating someone else).

 

Would you be okay if she dated another guy? I'd say you probably wouldn't. I think you don't think of her sexually right now because you don't want to objectify her, she's a human being, not a means to sexual gratification, which I think is admirable. But as I said, she'll date another guy and you'll probably be heartbroken and the friendship will more than likely turn sour, unless you're REALLY cool with the fact that you'll be slotted as just a friend.

 

If your feelings are as intense as you describe, I wouldn't hesitate. Chances like this don't come around every day. Or even every couple of years. And I dont mean to skip too far ahead, but if the whole "ruin the friendship" thing comes into play, THINK again about how you would feel if she started talking to you about another guy, telling you about her problems with him or how much she loves him. If you're ok with this, then by all means.

 

But if you're not, the friendship will turn sour anyway with the right amount of time. And you have to believe that dating each other, in the long run, will be worth it, even if the relationship doesn't work out.

 

It's a very difficult problem, but I hope I've clarified some of your options.

I personally believe that being friends AND lovers is an absolutely fantastic feeling.

[jojomugs]

Thanks for all the advices and especially lifestream for your thoughts.

Well i was just talking to her on msn, and here's what happened.

 

Because it has been sour for a few days, and i didn't want to seem so clingy, i stopped myself from being the first one to say hi on msn when she logged on. So today, she says hi to me and asks, how come i don't say hi first to her anymore. I make up some lame excuse that i'm busy at the moment. We talk for awhile and she says that she can go out friday night. I have no idea what happened, but it just seems like things are back to normal. So less paranoia for me.

So we're going to see a show on friday night after a dinner, maybe, and (taking lifestream's advice) i think i'm gonna ask her out to be my gf. So i wwas wondering just how i should ask her out. I would also appreciate any other suggestions.

 

Thanks again!