need info about sexual relationship

[Belgian girl]

Could anyone tell their opinion or the disadvantage(s) of having only a sexual/physical relationship with someone? (for background information see my previous topic, in attraction and flirting ('which kind of relation would be the best'). Thank you.

[BellaDonna]

If you do not want a committed romantic relationship a purely sexual relationship is an advantage. Essentially there are no strings attached but you get the pleasure of sex.

 

If you ultimately are looking for a committed romantic relationship, it is a major disadvantage and you can end up getting hurt....especially if you develop feelings for the peron.

 

It all depends on your goals in the situation.

 

 

BellaDonna

[renaissancewoman101]

If you just only have a physical/sexual relationship with someone, you risk getting emotionally attached to the person and then when the person finds someone else or decides this relationship isnt for him, then you are left with a broken heart.

 

You also run the risk of getting STD's and stuff, unless you guys are using condoms and birth control.

 

You might be hooked on him and not go out and meet other people who may be more into you than he is.

[Kalika]

It works if you know without a doubt that you have no desire to be with the person in a committed relationship. If you have the slightest inkling that you or the other person has feelings that the other doesn't share, it's gonna end and it could be bad.

[chantal]

If you are talking about Friends with Bennies ( a friend you have sex with)

don't do it!!! It's not a good idea one out of the two always get hurt.

The only reason most pple have friends with bennies is because one of the two has feelings for the other. I have been through this and it hurt so bad and in the end i felt used and dirty and i felt that no man would ever want me for anything but sex ( this isnt my 1st friend with bennies but it WILL be the last). It has been over a year now and i cant seem to trust another man.

I thought that if i kept having sex with him he would learn to like me and then love me, but then he just stoped texing me. I found out he had a girlfriend and they had been with eachother for about 3 years!!! i felt like such a and i havent had sex sense. maybe i should write a thread about this eh.

Dont let his words twist ur mind , because men LIE!

sorry

 

~Chantal~

[Belgian girl]

thank you all very much.

but I think I'm a very sensitive and maybe also romantical person.

I do have feelings for the boy I'm doubting to do this with but I thought there would be a chance he will feel love for me as well (even if it's a small chance I probably would be able to..), I also feel quiete lonely at the moment and don't think I will find someone (except him) within several months who wants something serious and that I want it as well. I also prefer to have my first time with someone who's virgin and he is. I feel very attracted to him. And I'm about to change my point of views about for ex. sexuality. Before I always thought to wait until the right person. But until a year ago I was together with someone I really loved for nine months, without having sex, although we really wanted it. Almost nobody here seems to think so difficult about having sex, so why should I any longer?! I mean, it only breaks myself I guess. Even if I find someone where I think about that it's the right person then he would have done that 90%sure also before with other people and 90%sure he wouldn't mind if I have done that as well. So maybe the better to take this 'chance'.

[Belgian girl]

aw I feel so sorry for you and thankful for warning me, now I would think at least twice about it! So maybe the best I only purpose him to continue kissing etc but no real sexuality

[BellaDonna]

Based on what you've told us regarding how you already feel about him, I fear you will end up getting really hurt. If you are a virgin, you should not give yourself to someone who is not committed to you.

 

Since you like him, have you ever talked with him about actually dating seriously?

 

What makes you think that a relationship with him would HAVE to be purely physcial? Has he told you that he does not want a girlfriend?

 

BellaDonna

[Belgian girl]

please read this topic

 

[BellaDonna]

I read your other post about this guy.

 

In that post you stated that he told you he does not want a relationship and likes his freedom.... red flag.

 

In my opinion, you will only get hurt if you have sex with him. It seems you already care for him very much...a little too much for knowing him only a short while.

 

It seems he might have gotten turned off because you guys were already talking about "love" the first night you spent together. That might have scared him away.

 

In short, I do not think you should have any physcial relationship with him. If anything, remain friends, and take things a lot slower and maybe the outcome will be different and he'll be less afraid of a relationship and something will develop. I think having sex with him under these current circumstances would be a major mistake, especially if you're a virgin and it would be your first time.

 

BellaDonna

[Belgian girl]

thanks for reacting again

what does red flag mean ?

[BellaDonna]

Sorry.... I should have been more clear. "Red Flag" is a saying which means that there is a big warning sign that you should pay attention to.

 

In this case, I think the fact that this guy said that he does not want a relationship is a big warning sign that he would not be a good person to give your virginity to, especially if you have feelings for him. I think you'd end up getting your heart broken.

 

BellaDonna

[melly11]

I completely agree with BellaDonna...I replied to your other post too

[Belgian girl]

but I guess I would have a big chance to get broken by someone again (almost nothing is 'forever', and he's very handsome)

maybe it would be just good at the other hand so it makes me less sensitive, what seems to scare boys off

maybe it's like this: I just feel good when I could give love to someone/make someone feel good, so this would be a way to feel good myself as well

and the most important thing for me for the next half year is that I finish my exams so I could stay at the university. Guess that if I will be able to give in in something like this, the other person will give me something back, I think attention and at least physical contact. I can't stand it very well to stay alone for so long. And maybe I can hold it separated, love feelings and this.

[Belgian girl]

thanks for the two reactions, I keep it in mind.

[melly11]

Why can't you just make a friend if you are lonely? Having a sexual relationship just because you feel lonely is a bad idea. You will just end up hurt. Having sex with him won't make you less sensitive....and you will not scare all boys off. There are guys out there who don't just want sex...if anything, I think they would repsect you more because you waited until you were ready and with someone who cared for you rather than just throwing it away. Take this from someone who lost her virginity to a one night stand...please. At least think about everything. Its not worth it.

[renaissancewoman101]

Be careful that you just don't give, give, give, and he takes, takes, takes, and still walks away or gives you the spiel later on down the road, that "he wasnt that into you". I've had that happen to me and no matter how HARD you guard you heart against it, it still HURTS like hell and it makes you more cynical about people and relationships in general.

 

I do understand that you want to use this relationship experience as a way to be less emotional and stuff like that, but getting involved in a one-way relationship that is going to go nowhere is NOT going to make you less emotional but will hurt you emotionally.

[BellaDonna]

I hope this does not sound harsh, but I don't think you have any idea of the mess you could be getting into.

 

From what you have posted, you don't seem like the type who would fare well with "casual" sex.

 

You clearly want to love and be loved. This guy does not want a realtionshiip..... But you don't have to settle for this guy. You ca nfind someoen wiht the same values as yourself.

 

If you were not a virgin I would tell you to go for it. But there are so many emotions attached to sex, especially with your FIRST sexual partner. I really think you're going to get hurt.

 

You have to do what you think is best for you, however please give this a lot more thought and realize that you should not give yourself to just anyone.

 

but I guess I would have a big chance to get broken by someone again

 

In this case though, I think you will pretty much guarentee that you will get hurt.

 

BellaDonna

[melly11]

The fact that you are posting and asking others about what they think, while doubting, means that you are not ready for such a casual encounter. You seem to be very attached already... just lookin out for you.

[Belgian girl]

thanks again for sharing your thoughts. So maybe just do kissin with that friend would be the best choise, at least it makes me forget my ex. the more. I know it's not good to be cynical about love, but why ? And it's like he already is.