What to do...

[pedrossi]

Hey everyone, here's the deal:

 

There's this girl that's been in love with my best friend for the past 2 years. He used to have a crush on her, but he's been trying to get her to leave him alone for some time. She talked to him about getting 'serious' but he blew her off, and she got mad at him for 'leading her on'. I recently got placed into the girl's physics II class, and the only available spot was next to her (they're those round group desks). We started talking at school and on IM and eventually we became really good friends (almost overnight). Last week, she told me that her friends think she is over my best friend, and when I asked why, she replied "because they know I like you, and I think you're hot" rather shyly. I ended up telling her she's not that bad herself (she's a pretty girl, and really nice). So almost every day we've been talking online, and the conversations have been getting spicier and spicier (she described some fantasies in quite a bit of detail, talked about having sex with me on a beach, etc). I have to admit that I haven't exactly stopped her from doing that... I actually encouraged it by playing along this whole time.

I do kind of like the girl, she's really fun to be with and easy to talk to. However, my problem is that she is rather possessive and jealous, and my friends tell me she's kind of 'crazy' (I've only known her for about 3 weeks). She's already started acting a little jealous when I talk to other girls (not even flirting or anything, just talking) and my best friend highly discourages me from going for it. I haven't had a girlfriend for about 6 months (I don't usually go out with random girls, just the ones I really like), so I'm debating rather this is all worth it. I'm a junior at an engineering school and this is the most crucial year for my GPA, not to mention she lives about 50 minutes away from me.

I'm afraid she's going to confront me about "us" sometime soon, and I really have no idea what I should do. I'm really good in physics (99.5 average), so she asked me to stay after school and 'tutor' her some day this week (she also told me she hasn't been able to concentrate too well with me next to her, but she likes it). The conversation got interrupted but I'm sure she'll bring it up again. She also mentioned something about going to the movies this weekend (movies = dark = opportunities to do things with consequences).

I'd appreciate some input/different views on the situation, I just think that another person's perspective couldn't hurt in making a decision, right?

 

Thanks for taking the time to help me out!

[cantexplain]

Sounds like you don't know whether you should talk yourself into it, or out of it.

[pedrossi]

That pretty much describes it

[cantexplain]

Congrats on the GPA.

 

Okay.

 

Can you handle a bad relationship with a jealous and beautiful woman and go to school at the same time?

 

I identify with you on this one. I haven't had a proclivity for getting involved with jealous and possessive women, lately. My proclivity is toward the opposite - ones who aren't ready to settle down yet.

 

Of course, they are always quite beautiful, at least to me.

 

What I keep telling myself is pretty is as pretty does - its not the outside that counts.

 

Unless you get off on being controlled and possessed, what do you think about this situation as one to practice saying "no, this is not going to be worth the time?"

 

Or you could say, I'll just do her and add this to my experiences to hide from some future and better girlfriend. I'll do this and risk her further emotional attachment to me and distraction from my studies and future.

 

Do you have any other angles or considerations?

[cantexplain]

Another thing I've recently considered is that really attractive people can get away with bad behavior more readily that the less attractive among us. Sure, there are ramifications, but they just can keep moving on instead of doing the hard work on themselves.

 

Sounds like this woman is moving on to you without working on her jealous nature, if what you say about her is true.

 

I do not think there is anything wrong with two people chatting about sex on the Internet. But it does seem a bit classless to do this if such an activity hasn't been consummated in reality. Reading about her doing this reminds me of the ancient seafarers myths of the sirene. And this one, once she gets you, will only hold you back, methinks.

 

Anyone else have some thoughts?

[pedrossi]

Well I guess it bothers me that she was in love with my best friend and he pretty much brushed her aside; it kinda makes me feel as if I'm the guy that'd dating the 'leftover' (I keep trying to suppress this feeling, but hey, I'm human too).

 

The exact same situation happened to yet another friend of mine about 3 years ago (she liked him, he brushed her off, she got mad). They were both from conservative families who frown upon any dating not geared towards marriage, though, so that may have played a part in it.

 

As for just doing her for the experience (I haven't gotten to 3rd base yet, although I have had the opportunity), she is rather pretty and does have a nice body, but I'm not sure if it would be right (especially with someone as 'loving' as her) to just "dewer and runn". But then again, it's not like I don't want it

 

So I'm at kind of a stalemate until I figure out what the hell I WANT to do, but that's the hard part here I suppose?

[pedrossi]

Another thing I've recently considered is that really attractive people can get away with bad behavior more readily that the less attractive among us. Sure, there are ramifications, but they just can keep moving on instead of doing the hard work on themselves.

 

Sounds like this woman is moving on to you without working on her jealous nature, if what you say about her is true.

 

I do not think there is anything wrong with two people chatting about sex on the Internet. But it does seem a bit classless to do this if such an activity hasn't been consummated in reality. Reading about her doing this reminds me of the ancient seafarers myths of the sirene. And this one, once she gets you, will only hold you back, methinks.

 

Anyone else have some thoughts?

 

Yeah, her jealous nature would probably bother me quite a bit. I'm definitely not a * * * * or anything, but I do have a lot of 'friends who are girls' that I talk to a lot. It's not even on a flirting level, I can just be friends with a girl without necessarily being attracted to them. I think that might bother her if I were to go to the next level?

By the way, she's never gotten to 3rd base either (from what she tells me), but the seafarer myth is an interesting metaphor, lol.

[pedrossi]

Anyone have any thoughts?