can anyone define this situation? any ideas?

[indierockbhoy]

hello folks..

 

I've posted a few times here about this girl i have made with friends with. We have known each other 2months(our anniversay last night) and well we are friends but we always end up kissing and snogging, getting intimate in places. It doesn't happen all the time but it happens alot when we are alone in my room or alone walking or something, like it's a only a moment kiss...

 

On our second date, we kissed and then the next day she sent me a msg

saying she wanted to be friends. What happened was around 2wks into our friendship she did not want me as a boyfriend and then yeah i was really quiet hurt at the time when she said that but I accepted it and I liked her as friend so I tried to keep it inside and remained friends.

 

We did things together for around 2wks and no kissing was involved at all. Then one day we were lying about in the grass on the beach and she said "i really want to kiss you" and then we agreed to kiss but just as friends. So we kissed and then again we met up and kissed again but after kissing for a while we said we should maybe stop kissing as it probs confuses things and we both agreed. Then last saturday we went to a party together, we are very comfortable around each other and we will hug, hold hands and have fun but i was kinda drunk she was driving and we got out the party and she said to me she needed a hug(the paty was filled with beeps, and she was so bored) so I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek as being drunk. We said we shouldn't do this as it complicates things, then we got back to my house I showed her my garden and she said "i really wanted to kiss you earlier," can we go back to lie in your room? so we went back and kissed and stuff... again... we broke our friendship promise by kissing.

 

Last night we rented moulin rouge, watched bits of it and ended up kissing again. We have begun to stop kissing by sayin" back to buddies" then we spoke again about this, we spoke about what we want from life and all. she said "happyness and marriage" and we talked and we hugged and kissed..

 

Sorry this has become long but i was jut want to know if anyone else is in this situation or been in this with agirl in the past? I am so confused... I mean I really did like her at the start and always kinda have but I want to be her friend as she's so much fun..

 

I just cannot understand what we are? are we friends with benefits? I don't think she sees me as aboyfriend and she says you'd be a great boyfriend, your a good catch, let's go out and find you a girlfriend and things like that but she told me weeks ago she didn't want me..

 

do you think she has some of feelings? or are we just experimenting.. I am 20 she is 18.

 

thanks for your time..

 

sorry for this being so long...

[Gilgamesh]

Whole lotta kissing going on.

 

I think she is having a conflict inside her, for whatever reason, its obvious she likes you, probably really loves you, but she seems to be afraid.

 

So I would recommend you let her set the pace, dont push things, after all your doing all the things loving couples do, your going out, having fun together, kissing, hugging, watching movies, the only thing is missing is the "title" of being B/f and G/F.

 

Many declared couples, dont have it as good as you two do.

 

So, enjoy her company, when she wants to kiss, kiss!, when she wants to hug, hug, its what you want isnt it? she wants you! even though she doesnt want to admit it to herself.

[sabena]

Well said Gilgamesh. I agree totally. Sometimes when things come our way and they are great it can be a little scary for some and maybe she loves your company, has fun with you but is just a little scared of going that extra mile.

 

Let her chose the pace but I think that if this situation went on for a long time say another 4 weeks then I would be tempted to have a little chat and just say that if you were to become bf/gf what would she think would change? Maybe she thinks that things would change for the worse, but as I see it its a state of mind and if you are kissing and hugging now then as bf/gf nothing would be different.

 

tc

[its your life]

I agree with Gilgamesh that you guys have a good relationship without the title. I wonder how serious she was when she said you "were a good catch and we need to find you a girlfriend". Maybe she was just trying to convince herself that she didn't want to be more than friends, when her heart is telling her the opposite.

 

But you need to set some limits in this relationship. 'Cause if you keep smooching every other time you are alone and still want to be friends, then you've just defined "friends with benefits." It is obvious you have strong feelings for her and again I feel she has the same towards you, but she is CONFUSED. My experiences with graduating high-schoolers to college-aged women is that they can go from loving you to wanting something new in mere weeks! So be careful to keep what is best for you in the picture. If that is her, talk to her and try and see where you're at and possibly move forward... Communication is key here and it seems you guys are beating around the bush!

[indierockbhoy]

hi folks

 

thanks for all your advice. I'll take it bit by bit and see how it goes....a few of her friends have birthday parties this week she has invited me to go along with her to them.. and i'll see how it goes..

 

honestly i can't thank you enough.. if any of you need advice.. ask for indierockbhoy hehe

 

cheers.