Given my history, how do I know?

[VerySadToday]

It has been 51 weeks since my breakup. I am 41 years old.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other than 1 or 2 times, I have been on strict NO CONTACT with my-ex.

 

 

Before him, I spent most of my life single because I never had romantic feelings for any guys.

 

I also went through stages where I would date a batch of 50-75 guys to try to find one that I had romantic interest in.

 

I also had 3 "loveless" relationships of 1-2 years each where I pretended to be attracted to the guy, in order to have a significant other. I was told by family and friends that I would "grow" to love the guy. However, I never developed any sort of romantic feelings and the guys eventually figured out that I was faking my feelings.

 

Sadly, the only guy in the world who I felt attraction and love for dropped me after 2 years because he wanted to marry someone else.

 

I don't think I am ready to start dating again. I can't see myself feeling ready for another 2 or 3 years at least.

 

But, the crowd of single gals I hang with feels I need to start dating. They brought this guy along as a date for me on a ski vacation. Since then, he and I have been dating for about 4 weeks. I don't feel attracted to him at all. It grosses me out when we kiss, hug or touch each other.

 

Given my history, how do I know if he is grossing me out because it is too soon from the breakup or if it is the usual grossing me out that I have with most guys?

 

How long would it take for me to feel attracted to him? I have never grown to love someone so I don't know how long this process takes.

 

Do I keep dating him for a few years to tell?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Well, i think if someone literally grosses you out when you kiss him, that is probably one of the biggest red flags on the planet that he is not the one for you... if you have been attracted to other people, even one other person, and this guy totally turns you off, then he is better a friend than romance...

 

its not really fair to date him either, if you are uncomfortable with physical relations with him... you both deserve someone who enjoys intimacy with each other...

 

i think it might be better for you to consider counselling since it has been a year since your breakup and you are not healing and still upset about it... i also think that you need to realize that being in any kind of bad relationship is NOT better than being on your own, spending time with friends, and being available to actually meet someone you DO want to be with... i think if you still think you need to mourn another 2 or 3 years, then it is time to go to a counselor so that you can reclaim your life and happiness...

 

you also could be clinically depressed, and might want to be evaluated for that... depression colors everything, and stifles desire in particular...

 

also, have you ever considered adopting, or being a foster parent if you want to have children in your life? i know everyone wants the 'perfect package' of husband, babies, etc., but even what appear to be perfect families aren't perfect, and lots of people end up raising children as single parents... life doesn't always work out according to the perfect family plan model, and there are tons of people who discover parenthood with adopted children at your age or older...

 

so please get some counselling for yourself, to rediscover the joy in your life, and to help you see that there are so many happy roads in life, that one doesn't have to continue down one that is not fulfilling, or making you sad all the time... the first step is the hardest, but please take it for your future health and happiness....

[friscodj]

Hey VST-

 

Experience has told me forcing relationships or even dating in general is not the path to lavish fields of love. In fact it can be quite counter-productive.

 

So don't "date" guys. Find some activities, places you enjoy doing things you enjoy, and simply make yourself open and available to situations as they arise without romantic expectation. Get to know men as people, as friends, and build happiness in your life outside of the institution of relationships. I've seen the sweetest fruits come when people share their happiness with one another vs. making each other and/or the relationship they have together the source of it. I've also seen and experienced the best relationships bred from solid friendships.

 

There was one man you've met that you felt real attraction to and there will be more. And while the paperwork is going through and being processed by the universe to get you guys together, live and enjoy your life to the fullest. Shift your perspective to that and ultimately you'll be a lot better off I think regardless of your relationship status.

[HarleyHunny]

Why would you possibly be with someone who 'grosses you out' ? That makes no sense to me......I'd suggest professional counseling.