Need your opinions

[The Mask]

Hi all

Wow it's been ages since the last time I posted here.

How ya'll been doing?

So,straight to the point:

To make the long story short,I dated this girl,fell deeply in love,broke up and all hell broke loose,It's about 3-4 years since we broke up and my feelings havent changed a bit..Tried NC a few times but it only worked for like a month each,I've been through hell and last year I just fell that it was the last I'll see her or speak to her,and I was right so anyway it's almost an year since we last spoke\saw each other. I did sent her a txt message wishing her a happy new year on Christmas and got a reply a few minutes later with warm words I still think about her 24\7)

So bassicly for about 2-3 months I'm thinking about calling her and just ask her how shes been all this time but lately I'm thinking about aranging a meeting,maybe with dinner, wine and candels,kind of romantic dinner and to talk about our relashionship,asking her if shes willing to give one more chance,because she didnt want to last year cuz she said she loves me like a brother..I don't think that I will kill myself if she'l refuse (like I almost did last time) I think that a can hadle if and even release myself from hope of her coming back to me someday...Cuz it's been an year and people change.

 

So what do you think guys?Is it a good idea?If yes then how should I do it?Call her and arrange a meeting or talk to her for a few hours and ask how she's doing and then arrange a meeting?

 

Ps. I feel stong enough that I can handle the refusal and just go on with my life with out this stone on my heart not knowing if she'll come back or not and denying myself from all of lifes greatest moments because of it.

[HarleyHunny]

If it were me, (and it's not) I would continue NC and move on with my life....People do sometimes change, but it sounds to me as if you have way too many expectations of this girl and if you were to the point of 'killing yourself' what's to make it different this time should you get your broken again.....My suggestion, don't put yourself thru it. Just get on with your life.

[The Mask]

Yes but how can I move on without knowing for sure that nothing will get out of it?I think that i'ts the only way for really forget about her and move on.Because everyday I just hope that the phone will ring with her number on the screen! But when I'll know for sure that she doesnt want me then it will be clear to me that it's finally over and I can move on..It's been almost an year of total NC and I still feel the same and think about her every minute..It's hard.

[HarleyHunny]

Sorry, but I dont' believe there is such a thing as "closure". I think you're fooling yourself.

[Hope75]

If you really feel that asking her one more time will put your mind at ease (and if she refuses and is still not interested in a relationship with you, you are certain that you will be OK with that) than go ahead and ask her- but I would not go all out with candles and a dinner, etc. It's been a year.... last time you talked she was not interested, and to be honest, it's very likely that she is with someone else now. If she were interested she would have contacted you again when you sent her the text at Christmas.

 

If you are going to ask her, make it short and simple, no elaborate gestures involved, and do it with the thought in mind that this is what you need to let go, because I honestly think her answer will be no.

 

 

Sorry friend, I doubt this is what you want to hear, but this is the feeling I get from the sitation.

[The Mask]

I'm confused

[Hope75]

........By What?

[anggrace]

I think before you try the whole romantic dinner/serious conversation thing, you should call her and just talk about how shes been what youve been doing ect. Get a feeling for how she reacts to you now that so much time has passed. Before you get your hopes up for a relationship with her, you should see if shes even interested in talking to you on a regular basis.

[The Mask]

........By What?

 

 

I just don't know what to do..Call her or just get on with my life with feeling that I never tried..

[BeStrongBeHappy]

but i think you HAVE tried, and tried, and TRIED!! it has been 3-4 years since the breakup, and she has had plenty of time to get back with you if she wanted to ... she has your number etc., and has not used it to get back with you... she has also told you she thinks of you like a brother and not like romance, and that is probably a very clear indication that she doesn't want to reconcile with you...

 

i think if you must do this one last time, then just call her and ask her about it... trying to romance her with candles etc. when she's thinkging of you as a brother might upset and pressure her, and make her feel like you're a stalker... after all, it has been a LONG time since you were together, and a year since you had any significant contact. she could have another boyfriend now, or be engaged, or even married, so one small text from her does not tell you where she is with her life...

 

i also would suggest that if you ever wanted to kill yourself over this, and have still not healed after 4 years, you should consider some counselling to help you come to grips with this and move on... at this point, you don't really have a relationship with her, but you are still fantasizing about it, when it might just really not be a good thing for you...

 

so please start working on yourself and getting yourself a good life, rather than continuing to work on her or obsess about her...

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Hey Mask! I say do what you feel. Don't listen to people on this sad board. I say go for it. I mean you want to have that feeling like you tried your best and I totally agree with that. I would suggest just calling on her on the phone and see how that goes before you go all out.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

ummm... LostLoveinLosAngeles... if he shouldn't listen to people on this sad board, then why should he listen to you either??

 

this board is full of lots of different opinions, which is why people come here... to look at things from other people's different perspectives, which is what asking for advice is all about... they can take it or leave it, but if you don't like this board, then don't post yourself...

[Hope75]

I agree with BSBH, you certainly did try, several times.

 

BUT.... if you feel you must try one final time, go for it- knowing that there is a chance that she will reject you again, and being fully prepared for that and OK with it.

 

It concerns me that you tried to kill yourself the last time she rejected you. Are you quite certain that you'd want to go through that again?

[The Mask]

I agree with BSBH, you certainly did try, several times.

 

BUT.... if you feel you must try one final time, go for it- knowing that there is a chance that she will reject you again, and being fully prepared for that and OK with it.

 

It concerns me that you tried to kill yourself the last time she rejected you. Are you quite certain that you'd want to go through that again?

 

 

Yes,positive,I've gotten so much stronger since then..I think I can handle it better,way better..In fact,I'm not quite sure that I'll feel bad about it.

 

Anyways I'll think about what people have said here..Maybe it's not the right time,maybe I should make some research about her,ask our mutual friends about her.