KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 This is a quote I came accross online today about guys stuck in the dreaded friend zone. "A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired." Discuss: I find it to be very ammusingly accurate. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 you have all the qualifications we are looking for Obviously if the guy is only a friend he doesn't. I like lots of guys, I may friend zoned them, but its not my fault or their fault. Just liking someone isn't loving them or wanting to spend a long term relationship with them. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 Well CarnelianButterfly, if he's a nice guy and she wants to hold onto him as a friend but not as more, what's the missing piece of the puzzle? He's lacking something. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 He's lacking the variable that makes him special. Every woman has something that she holds dear to her above all else. I know the man I adore is unique of all the men that I know like me. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 I don't want to be rude, but in all honesty you probably just "think" they're special. Everyone is "special" as in unique from all other's in some way. There is a quality or qualities that appeal to you that you may or may not be consciously aware of. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 My favorite quote: "You're unique, just like everybody else" I know he's special. The guys that think that they can wheedle into a relationship via being a friend are not special, they're deluded. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 Isn't your line of thought their a little treacharous? I may be approaching this from the perspective of a guy here. It seems alot of guys dont' feel its right to try to get romantically involved with a girl until they've earned her trust as a friend. Not saying I believe this methodology, but its definitely out there. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I think that I've read far too many posts by men complaining or showing how jilted they are of being friends and nothing more. They get stuck in a situation they don't like, but don't let the girl go and move on to a more fruitful relationship else where. To follow your analogy, would you only apply at a job that continued to not hire you and told you they wouldn't ever hire you? Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 You have a point there. (though I have miraculously overcome the friendzone before.) I think a part of the problem here is that guys are very challenge motivated, and when a guy is turned down, he only wants to work harder and overcome that challenge to be accepted. I know there were alot of girls I was only somewhat interested in until it seemed that they lost interest in me, then it totally hooked me and I was completely intrigued with them then. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Do you want a conquest or a partner? Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 Both?... I think... Link to comment
aymee_lee Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 My theory is this- if you get 'friend zoned' you were never going to date them anyway. The exception to this rule is when one or the other person has a partner when you meet. I will not say NEVER, but rarely have I heard of a girl being strictly friends with a guy (or vice versa), and I mean, no attraction beyond friendship, and then suddenly (or even over time) decided they wanted to date the guy. If you're in the friend zone, that's where you've always been. I don't look at my male friends as anything othre than friends. If I did, I would at least attempt to date them. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 The only girls that really keep my attention are girls I had to work for. I'm not sure if every guy is exactly like that. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 aymee_lee I do believe that one can "put" themselves into the friendzone if they dilly dally too long with a girl and she stops seeing them as a man. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I think the "friendzone" happens to both guys and girls. Sometimes guys will have female friends whom they see as friends and nothing else, and vice versa. Link to comment
aymee_lee Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 KileOriginal- Yeah, I see what you're saying. But I guess for me, personally, I'm not the type of person who waits around for guys to ask me out. If I liked a guy, I would put things into place to try and move the relationship forward (i.e- ask them out). So I guess that eliminates the dilly dallying! Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 It has nothing to do with her still seeing him as a man, he's not emasculated by her not liking him. She's probably annoyed he doesn't get with the program. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 renaissancewoman101, I disagree. Men may have a woman very low on their list of dateable people, but a woman is never completely off the list. Where as woman may suddenly find the only man left alive on the planet is some one she had on her friends only list and that guy will still have a hard time being anything more to her. Link to comment
aymee_lee Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 It has nothing to do with her still seeing him as a man, he's not emasculated by her not liking him. She's probably annoyed he doesn't get with the program. Exactly. Men may have a woman very low on their list of dateable people, but a woman is never completely off the list. Where as woman may suddenly find the only man left alive on the planet is some one she had on her friends only list and that guy will still have a hard time being anything more to her. This is often true. LOL. Link to comment
KileOriginal Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 Oh you crazy woman don't know what you want. Go date the drunken looser guy that mistreats you, that always seems to be the popular approach. (j/k don't ban me for that) I'm calling it a night. Link to comment
Haven Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Two problems with your quote: 1) It's comparing a relationship to a job. 2) It's assuming that you have to have certain characteristics or qualifications to become romantically involved with someone. But chemistry isn't logical or mathematical. You can't quantify it and list it on a resume. The fact is, you can have all the perfect "qualifications" and have absolutely zero chemistry. Deciding who to date is completely different from deciding who to hire. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 ^ that's very true. A relationship is NOTHING like a job. Chemistry is everything when it comes to a relationship and sometimes, as hard as you try, there is NO chemistry and nothing can be done about it. It's sad and I've been in the position before, but what can you do but move on. It isnt as though if you put more effort into it, try harder, etc. that you can make it work. With a job, if you try harder and put more effort in the job, you can do quite well. That's NOT true with a relationship. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Oh you crazy woman don't know what you want. And the random guy on the street would know better than we do ourself? Link to comment
Reluctant Rebuilder Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I'm really getting bored with this stupid "nice guys have it so tough" BS. Just because a woman likes you or sees something redeeming in you does not mean she has to develop romantic feelings for you. If you find yourself in the friend zone and you aren't mature enough to handle it, get out. A woman isn't a prize to be won, a challenge to meet, or a quest to take on. She's a real life human being with her own tastes and opinions, some of which may place you as someone she wants in her life as a friend *only*. If you want to throw something valuable like that away because your little ego is hurt and you are sore because she sees something in a guy you can't, please shut up about it. It's nothing but sour grapes. And why is it that some of these self proclaimed nice guys bleed and whine for unattainable girls, yet won't bother to chase after girls in their own league? Drop the arrogant attitude like you know what's best for the object of your affection better than she does, it stinks. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Please write this in ten foot letters and post it every day! Link to comment
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