weird relationship

[nutini67]

Ill try to keep this concise. Some things have happened within the last month with this girl that I have been casually dating (no titles) for about 5 months. She is moderately old fashioned, I always call her for dates and such, and she is fairly non-confrontational. But she is super hot and very smart. I slowly developed feelings for this girl over a few months. And one night I got too drunk and confessed my feelings to her. I idiotically made an ultimatum saying that we should either push our relationship or I am going to move on. She stated that we should still casually date but also date other people (made me mad). The next day we had some coffee and I hinted that I didn’t want to hang out anymore, but I asked her to come over the next day.

 

The next day she asked to talk about our relationship. She said she was afraid that she will miss me and that she has developed feelings, but she has thinks I am not as religious as she is and she cannot have a boyfriend who doesn’t believe in Christianity. She claims she didn’t know she had feelings for me because she hadn’t really thought about it until the thought of me being gone (does this sound weird?) She stated we couldn’t go back to casual dating, so it was either one or the other. Winter break was about to start and I live in a different state. So we decided we should think about it over break. Over break, I tried to lose feelings for her and decided that when we both get back to school that we should just go back to casual dating.

 

So we get back and after a couple times of hanging out, I ask her if it was ok if we just keep it casual. She said it was ok, just that she was afraid her friends would think it’s a booty call (she only comes over in the evenings b/c that’s the only time we can hang out). So I say ok whatever.

 

A couple weeks pass by and she now she is starting to act more affectionate when we lie on the couch. She will caress my hair and hold her face close to mine, and make little sighs. The other night I would notice that she would stare at my face when I was half-sleeping. Also, (I don’t know if this is relevant or not but anyway), she is a senior and I am a junior in college. She had originally planned to go to physical therapy school but now is deciding to get her masters in teaching here at our school. This means she will be staying here for another year or so. This decision happened right around the time she started acting much more affectionate.

 

So we made a date for her to come over the other night. She calls at the last minute and says she has too much homework to do and cant hang out, however I know that she only has a raquetteball class the next day and in no way is there any homework for that. I thought it was pretty mean of her to just blow me off. I said fine and that Ill call her in a few days (Im flying home for the weekend). Do you think she is trying to get me mad enough to start another “talk” about the relationship? Ehh.

[agent1607307371]

It's possible.

 

Or it could just be that she has a lot of homework. From what I recall of college sometimes work falls in such a way that it can be a complete nightmare.

[Katerimo]

About getting you made to start 'the talk' - perhaps. Or maybe she just genuinely had things to do - particularly at this point in the relationship (and really for good - but we do get complacent) don't feel that you rule her life or know it inside out; don't second guess her when she tells you something, you'll drive both of you made and only argue...

 

So - is the issue here that she's a Christian and wants to consider a long-term relationship with a Christian only, or is it about sex before marriage? If it's sex before marriage, then many people believe strongly about that and it's perfectly fair and something to be respected - if she's worth it that won't be an issue. If it's that she wants a long-term relationship with a Christian, then you both need to talk about that; you don't have to be an actual Christian to respect their beliefs and systems, and fit perfectly well in to a Christian relationship, and it's old fashioned to think otherwise.

[nutini67]

I'm not really worried about that right now, its weird because otherwise if I found out that a girl doesnt have sex, then I would end it. But I just enjoy her company so much. Right now I'm just worried that the relationship might be on the rocks. Maybe I'm over analyzing but I am afraid that if I dont talk to her about how content she is in the relationship, then she might want to get out of it. What sucks is that I'm starting to feel anxious about the relationship, and it is not good feeling.

[Katerimo]

Have you had sex before, and is that making her feel uncomfortable about committing to a long-term relationship?

 

You won't be able to change how she feels in the relationship - if she's unhappy and wishes to end it, no matter how much you talk to her it won't affect it. So, instead, you need to talk to her to assess where you both are - you sound like you're very keen on her and this is important to you, so be assertive, and let her know she's important; let her know that you wish to move in a way that she's comfortable with.

[nutini67]

Have you had sex before, and is that making her feel uncomfortable about committing to a long-term relationship?

 

You won't be able to change how she feels in the relationship - if she's unhappy and wishes to end it, no matter how much you talk to her it won't affect it. So, instead, you need to talk to her to assess where you both are - you sound like you're very keen on her and this is important to you, so be assertive, and let her know she's important; let her know that you wish to move in a way that she's comfortable with.

 

 

Yes, I have had sex before and she knows that. I dont know if that affects anything or not. But thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate it. Ill talk to her about it once I get back

[annie24]

I think you were well within your rights to ask about the relationship after 5 months of "casual dating." Really, it wasn't an idiotic move. I think it's good to say what you are thinking, that you aren't going to be happy with this forever.

 

She may have had plenty of homework to do for other classes. it is possible. anyway, why don't you make a move on her? if she is cuddling with you on the couch, it sounds like she is interested.