A bad money situation... advice needed.

[SilverManic]

Senario my brother who lies, steels and treats me like crap. He steels from me lies about it and treats my grandparents the same. He is 19 years old and living with my grandparents and I (my husband also) making this a house of 5. My brother steels my husbands computer games to get money so he can go out.

 

My nan has saved me and my brother some money but he is not to get his until next year. My brother owes her £2000 ($4000) I am to get £1000 soon and she asked me to give half of it to her and he will pay me back next year.

 

But the whole reason why she asked me to do this is so that she can buy him a bike part for the motorbike that got him in debt. He is constantly asking for money from her and she is always asking me for money leaving me now £10,000 down from the past year. AND they are asking me for more! I know my brother has no intention of paying me any money back. He owes me money already that he has not given to me.

 

I told her until she helps herself I can not help her. My whole family thinks she's a mug by keep letting my brother get away with it and I can't help her when it's going to leave me at such a loss.

 

She has guilt triped me over it emensly. I feel aweful but feel as if I should stick by my desision that if she won't tell him no and keeps giving him money when he has no job and should be helping out instead of draining my resources that I will not help her.

 

I feel aweful and need to know if I did the right thing,

Thanks.

~S.

[LostInMyThoughts]

You absolutely did the right thing. By giving him money, people are acting as "enablers," which means they are allowing him to continue to be this way.

 

A HUGE pat on the back for doing the right thing here. It's not easy, but you did the right move!

[agent1607307371]

I agree with Lost InMyThoughts. To be down (are you in debt over this?) £10,000 is massive at any age, but when you think that you and your husband could have gotten your own place to rent with it... It's definitely hurting you and you have to tell your grandma to leave it alone. She's not helping him, she's just reinforcing his behaviour and ruining your financial situation.

[SilverManic]

I'm not in debt as my father left me that money when he died. However it's nearly all gone now. It was ment to get a house. But when I brought myself a laptop so I had something left before it had all gone they went mad at me. I'm fed up and I can't move out as I can't aford my own place and have no where else to go...

[Godzilla]

I'm not in debt as my father left me that money when he died. However it's nearly all gone now. It was ment to get a house. But when I brought myself a laptop so I had something left before it had all gone they went mad at me. I'm fed up and I can't move out as I can't aford my own place and have no where else to go...

 

Are you working? Maybe its better to be independent and be able to support yourself. Re your nan, I think you did the right thing. Be firm in your resolve.

 

One question though, why does your brother do it? Does he have a drug habit?

[afonselaca]

Maybe you should take the remaining money from your father and put it elsewhere for safekeeping but tell the family at home that you paid back someone you owed money to. They don't expect you to do this but if it is gone, then it is gone. You might then need to ask them for money so you can move out... LOL

 

I'm sorry you are dealing with this terrible situation. Sometimes the only way to beat them is to be temporarily like them. I understand what it is like to be guilted into doing what you don't want to do with your money. They don't stop unless there isn't money to argue over because they don't respect YOU and they want something you have.