FEELING WEAK!!! Wanting to break NC..PLEASE HELP!!!

[houdini]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm an absolute mess right now, and I feel really weak and I want to call, email or text message my ex and pour my heart out again. It's been since monday night since we've talked, I sent her flowers on monday and she received them yesterday and superdave is right. You beat yourself up hoping that something good will come of it and it ends up backfiring as I recently posted on "Broke NC rule prior to starting" I miss her so much and I beat myself up EVERY SINGLE DAY and try to figure out why she did what she did, I know that no one knows the complete details of our relationship because you would have to know me personally to understand the whole situation but we basically had problems like any relationship does, we argued, we did have the long distance relationship issue but we had a son together and we had a plan for this may that she would be moving her with our son and her two daughters. She came to visit for xmas and messaged me on her way back to Las vegas that she realized she loved me and can't live without me, then a week later she tells me she's not in love anymore and that the lack of nurturing the long distance relationship slowly took away and that she was tired of holding out hope for us... we had the two year long distance relationship with the hopes that she would move within the first few months of or long distance relationship with the kids but exuse after excuse prevented her. I know it's alot to ask of her cause she has a really good job, her family is there, the kids love thier school and maybe she just realized that our relationship and our problems weren't worth sacrificing her security over there to come here to california to be with me and my two daughters here. I can't do this anymore, Im falling apart and I've gone to the doctor and they've got me on antidepressants and I still feel like the world is crumbling arround me...I want to call her so bad or email her and try and reason with her because we had a plan..a future together and she's throwing that away whether it be for another guy or just the plain fact that she was to scared...who knows but every thought that goes through my mind is chipping at my heart little by little till there will be nothing left of me....i'm begging you for your help!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!

[Wandering_Sword]

If you feel that NC is for you please stay strong. I read through your previous posts and there's not much I can say, other than you have a friend here and if you need someone to sit and listen I can.

You are strong, you are stronger then you give yourself credit for. Believe in your strength to ride through this storm because I do.

[majord23]

I feel really weak and I want to call, email or text message my ex and pour my heart out again.

 

I've bolded the key word from your post above..."again. "

Why do you want to do it again?

How will doing it again change your situation?

How will doing it again make a difference to your ex's position?

 

You have said all you can say, saying it again isn't going to make it sound any different to your ex.

 

All the pain that you have experienced through the break-up, all of the torment you felt when your ex rejected you despite your proclaimations of love....are you telling me you want to go through that again?

 

Because that is what it sounds like you're setting yourself up for. She cannot provide you with happiness at the moment - that has to come from within you. How about you stop doing things again and start doing something new?

 

C'mon pal - stay strong and back way from the phone nice and slowly.

[houdini]

ok...slowly backing away from the phone and my finger off the mouse button that would be sending her another email "again".. Thank you for the support as I'm in desperate need of support right now. Thanks to superdave for the message also. This is a battle and the fight of my life because of the pain I feel right now as I'm sure many of you feel the same way. What angers me is how can one person have so much control over another person's heart and emotions and not care one bit of the pain they're putting them through. It baffles me because at one time we all believed what they said when they told us "I love you"...Love is not hurting the other person, love is taking care of them when things are good and when things get tough.... In my case I guess it wasnt love at all because she would rather give up than fight through our problems..... Thank you all again for the responses, keep them coming as I'm still fighting with everything I have to not call,email or text message her......

[need2bme]

I've bolded the key word from your post above..."again. "

Why do you want to do it again?

How will doing it again change your situation?

How will doing it again make a difference to your ex's position?

 

Majord: Exactly what I would ask.

 

I know how you feel brother. I did it! It did not solve a thing. In fact, all it did was make me feel worse that she could not accept me for the pouring out of my heart.

 

Don't do it. She can get in touch with you, right?

 

What you are doing is playing the "if only" game. What if you use the "if only" to remind you of working on you. She will see this...

 

I know you are hurting. Hell dude, I know that my ex and I HAVE a lot of fun together, but she won't let me in. In every friendly way, we are GREAT together. However, in every heartfelt way (that you have when you are in-love) she cannot have with me. She won't let herself. I don't want that.

 

Do you want a relationship where you walk on eggshells?

[houdini]

need2bme,...you're right because during our relationship thats what it was like..walking on eggshells because I felt as if I never did or said the right thing and she would get her feelings hurt and say that I would of done those things for my ex wife etc. She was and still is a very insecure person and a major part of our issues were her self esteem, she would always tell met hat she felt I loved my ex more than her, and it was a constant battle defending myself over my past mistakes but that didnt matter to me, what matterd to me is that I continued to fight her negativity and tried to love her and the kids to the best of my ability or atleast to best of what she was letting me love them. I won't contact her as she has asked for her space the last time we talked or that I initiated contact which was on monday. She has my cell number, email address etc. so I guess it's all up to her but thats the hard part...If you can imagine my situation..I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage that my ex has remarried and is happy..I have my now ex leaving me with our son and lives in another state. I don't want anymore kids because I can't imagine going through what im going through again and more because Im not going to be a man with kids all over the country...(As bad as that sounds) This is more devistating to me than any other breakup because I do feel my hope of having a family and raising my own child and watchign them grow every single day is gone for good.......