Need some advice....

[gemini30]

Okay, I found this forum quite a bit after I contacted my ex. I had not spoken or heard from him in 3 years...and I kept wondering how he was doing...so I emailed him. That was about 6 months ago. There have been about 10 emails exchanged in that time. I asked if he had kids, he said no.

 

Fast forward to now. I called his mom's house looking for him (before I found this and other forums), and afterwards, realised what an idiot I am for doing so...I called like 2 months ago. So 2 weeks ago, he called my cell phone. It was a bit surreal and totally caught me off guard. I told him we cannot talk anymore. By the time he had called me, I had started NC again. So I had not heard from him since that call until I checked my email this morning. He wanted to know why I called his moms if I didn't want to talk to him. He says he has a son that he needs to keep safe...whatever that means...b/c I was told he had no kids.

 

So what do I do? Do I email him back and tell him we are done talking and initiate NC again? Or do I just leave it as is....and keep the No Contact going as I have been since he called?

 

I suppose I was trying to find closure...but after much research and reading, I know that with him, there will never be closure. I just need some advice on how to proceed from here...thank you guys sooooo much!

[Desma214]

No contact at all you have been broken up and you know in your heart he has moved on I mean you told him you couldnt talk to him anymore so you apparently know what to do you just have to listen to yourself. Not having closure it does suck but you cant keep picking at it I mean its not the worst thing in the world things happen for a reason and maybe it was meant for you not to have closure so dont beat yourself up about it just move on and be happy thats what counts in the end is if your happy with yourself...I hope my opinion helps good luck.

[gemini30]

Your opinion definitely helps. I do know what to do...and I know that I shall never relapse. I was just thinking, I suppose I did get closure. When he wrote it was all lies and b.s. coming out...and that is all the closure I need. This place is really wonderful...it's helping me keep sane and helping me realize I am not alone...b/c alot of people who never went through this, just don't fully understand. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

[luvingxsomeonexspecial]

I think you need to move on and forget about him. I think you should keep the NC thing coz if you dont it could give him the wrong idea. just ignore him and forget about him

x

[sonjam]

I agree, Gemini, sending him another e-mail to tell him you don't want to talk to him anymore, will just spark more confrontation, and more discussions about not discussing anything anymore. Simply ignore his existence, and move on. You KNOW you will never get full closure. Make peace with it and move on!

[AwdreeHpburn]

I'm with the others.

 

Count my voice as a vote for NOT contacting him to tell you won't be contating him - but just not contacting him anymore....

[TallyM]

If he is anything like my ex... if i had done what you had done, he would say he had a kid just because he knows it would hurt me and upset me and put him back the upper hand, its a lie... but its a control thing.

 

But i dont know your situation.

 

The hardest thing in my situation was to not call, not to have that final word and you can get stuck in a rut just trying to have that that last word, ie calling back to say please dont call me again... and he would always say stuff to upset me and be spiteful and nasty just so he had that edge you know... And i would always be calling back saying dont call me ever again... except i was doing it ten hundred times over.

 

I have a friend and he said what do you do when someone keeps picking up balls at the court and trying to hit you with them?.... they will keep doing it as long as you keep standing there or try and hit back. Sometimes its best just to put the racket down and walk away. Dont play any games anymore. Just walk off the court completely.