breaking up with boyfriend, breaking up with best friend, too!

[sasha_faye]

Today marks two months of NC from my drug-addicted, suicidal ex-boyfriend.

 

It's also been about two and half weeks since I spoke to one of my ex best friends- she is dating my ex-boyfriend. I hate it when she drops his name in conversation or talks about him (what's the point of NC?) and when I try to talk to her about it, she says "why do you make me choose between him and you?!"

 

I've blocked her on AIM, but she doesn't know it yet. She figures I am just busy with sorority stuff and Vagina Monologue rehearsals and haven't had time to long on.

I want to delete her off my myspace friends. I don't want to see pictures of them together or read her stupid bulletins. I reallly don't want to talk to her for a loooong time, but she's going to be suspicious if I don't talk to her soon.

 

More importantly, I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I'm angry about their new relationship. I don't want it to get back to my ex boyfriend that I care about who he's seeing now. In some ways, I suspect she's just with him to get a rise out of me because she has something I "want" but "can't have." If I get angry or jealous that she's seeing him/sleeping with him, I'm just giving her more power to make me unhappy...

 

I don't know how to handle this. She's going to contact me soon and ask how I am doing, I'm sure, but I don't want to talk to her. But if I DON'T talk to her (or if I tell her I'm angry), she'll tell everyone (including my ex) that I'm just incredibly bitter about the break up.

 

Help!

 

 

PS: This post is probably really incoherent. I'm sorry! I'm flustered.

[moonflowers]

I thought it was enough, at first, to block my ex's facebook page and rest in ignorance.

 

Then one day I stumbled accross a comment his new girl left regarding something they did together on another friend's facebook page. I reacted very poorly. I decided right then and there to block her too.

 

For your own sanity and peace of mind, it's probably better for you to keep away from her for a bit. If she asks, just tell her that you need a little time to yourself, which you probably do. My rule with me and my ex's mutual friends is that I don't want them to unexpectedly pass things about my ex to me or vice versa, and for the most part, they have been kind enough to stay off this topic.

 

Hang in there, calm yourself down before talking to her (relaxing shower, funny movie, etc) and just tell her simply that you want time for yourself, no other reason needed.

[sasha_faye]

Ugh! She's just so bad for my healing process! I HATE hearing about how they go to "True Love Cafe" and order mochas and talk about movies and books. I don't even ask about how he is doing- she just volunteers this information.

 

She's very, very manipulative. I am very scared to deal with her.

[sasha_faye]

PS: we have several mutual friends. I'm afraid that if I do cut her out of my life, for my own benefit, that she'll try to start drama with me at parties. OR people will have to pick between one of us to invite, which is always a bummer for the host. I just want to leave her behind so I can heal without causing tons of drama.

[moonflowers]

If she's this manipulative, I think other people may understand if she tries to make life hard for you. Any drama that she fabricates will be purely that - fabrications. Although people might go along with her if she's popular, I doubt people will believe her stories 100%. It's no use to fight her manipulation with more manipulation, though.

 

I'm of the opinion that if you have friends like her, enemies are quite optional. It's going to be tough, but from now on, try your best to avoid her by building a social life away from her and her closer friends. Work on finding your own friends, going to their parties, that sort of thing. They might not be as cool to party with, but if they're willing to help you in your time of need now, they're probably more understanding. Much easier said than done, but it's a lot better than being friends with people who would purposely rub your pain into your face if they know you're hurting.

 

Mutual friends is a toughie in this case - friends usually sort themselves out into "his" and "hers", depending on who they were closer to in the beginning. They will resolve themselves on their own. Sometimes you'll just drift away from them because you only were friends with them while hanging out with the ex.

 

Good luck, stay calm, keep your dignity, and avoid this girl.

[pacopaco]

Ugh! She's just so bad for my healing process! I HATE hearing about how they go to "True Love Cafe" and order mochas and talk about movies and books. I don't even ask about how he is doing- she just volunteers this information.

 

She's very, very manipulative. I am very scared to deal with her.

 

 

 

I think you know what to do in that last sentence. You should stop talking to that friend. At least until you're healed enough.