A month of NC. Just need some pumping up

[pacopaco]

hi all,

 

I have been in NC for a month. it's weird, as we broke up last Feb. but kept in touch periodically throughout the year. The day before this last new year's eve, I asked her not to contact me anymore. She had this pattern of calling about every other month or month and a half. well it's been a month now, and it is hard. I don't want to call or email. I won't. My thoughts have gone onto things like "Is she thinking of me, does she miss me, and who is she seeing, if anyone." I know none of this should be anything to me, as I am trying to let go. I just thought it would be easier to do than this, after a year.

[Locke2121]

I would sing you the "Its your birthday" song and pump you up, but that would just be silly!

 

But your on the right track! Just break it off and get on with your life as best as you can. You've recongnized that she can't let go and is calling you up. You've realized its hurting you and you've taken the first steps to fixing the problem. Give yourself a big pat on the back!

[pacopaco]

that's the thing, though. it's been a month. She didn't let go all year, and I wonder, has she let go now? I think I have a fear of letting go too, though I haven't actually tried. I'm afraid of the "what if she calls again?" All of my friends and family are telling me to expect her to still call. they say "She's been calling you all year,and you've told her to stop, you think she's going to stop just because it's a new year?" I'm kind of scared of this. She drained my strength last year, and I have just found an ounce of it inside myself after this total month of NC. I'm just feeling really scared right now. it's almost like it's all hitting me again for the first time. I feel scared, nervous, anger, and sadness.

[Locke2121]

Good! Let those feeling power up your conviction of NC! Whenever you feel scared that you may never hear from her, remember what the past year was like, her leeching all the energy out of you each time she called. This will empower you to stick to your guns and not contact her. Little by little, that ounce will grow, and before you know it, you'll have ten pounds of strength in a 9 pound body!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Locke is right - or I agree anyway! Use it to build strength!

 

STICK with NC!! You're doing great, just keep it up!

 

Keep posting and HANG IN THERE!!

[pacopaco]

thanks for this. I guess I feel weird about it all because I'm asking myself "It's been a year (in FEb) why am I still going through this?" could be because I didn't really go through it last year? I'm tired of feeling drained and weak in spirit.

[AwdreeHpburn]

could be that VERY WELL Paco - but there's no magic time anyway. I mean, it's not like that's long enough, or this has been too long....etc.

 

Every case is as individual as the people going through it.

 

Give yourself a break, pat yourself on the back for making it this far, take a deep breath, and off ya go! Back at it, yeh? You're doin' alright....

[Locke2121]

Its not in the human condition to be alone. For such a long time you had someone to share your life with, both good and bad. Now you don't and it naturally hurts. Thats loneliness. But you can beat it. Don't give up and don't contact her or accept her calls. Get out of the house, finds some friend and get a life that lets you have fun without any commitment for a while. You will have to work hard to fill up that void she left, but you can do it!

[pacopaco]

Its not in the human condition to be alone. For such a long time you had someone to share your life with, both good and bad. Now you don't and it naturally hurts. Thats loneliness. But you can beat it. Don't give up and don't contact her or accept her calls. Get out of the house, finds some friend and get a life that lets you have fun without any commitment for a while. You will have to work hard to fill up that void she left, but you can do it!

 

it's true, it does feel there is a void. I don't want to be with her anymore. she cheated on me, but I guess it is still the emotional detachment that I am needing, and it hasn't taken place yet, one year later. I sometimes think that I'll be in this rut forever, and I don't want to be.

[Locke2121]

You won't. Remember, for a year she has been stretching out the pain. Now you can start to heal. If she tries to contact her, get this message to her...

 

 

"Don't call me, text me, send me messages of any kind. Your every contact hurts me more than you know. Leave me alone so that I can heal."

 

Thats what she needs to know and what you need to remember....oh what the heck

 

 

"Go Pacopaco, its your birthday!!!!

[pacopaco]

You won't. Remember, for a year she has been stretching out the pain. Now you can start to heal. If she tries to contact her, get this message to her...

 

 

"Don't call me, text me, send me messages of any kind. Your every contact hurts me more than you know. Leave me alone so that I can heal."

 

Thats what she needs to know and what you need to remember....oh what the heck

 

 

"Go Pacopaco, its your birthday!!!!

 

ha ha ! nice. yeah, I feel like throwing up, and I feel angry and I feel all of these things. I am wondering if she is dealing with it too, but then it was she calling all last year. I guess I shouldn't think about whether or not she'll call or contact me. It's a future thought. Dies that feeling leave? the feeling that you don't want to get a call, but that you do? I know I'm not going to call or email. I know what I have to do, and i'm going to do it, but still. I guess it's the emotional detachement that I need. I know she'll call sometime, because it's what she's been doing. hopefully, and I thnk I will, have the strength to say again, what you've posted above.

[pacopaco]

I think my feeling also come from the fact that I gave my power. I never got a shift in that power. Whenever we'd see each other, it was for her, while I was thinking that we'd start to work on our issues. I never got that sense of a power shift, and I wanted it. I wanted to hear her say she wanted me back, and that she'd do anything to have me back after her betrayal, but it never came to that. It was always "I'm confused." she'd have sex with me one day, and then say a few days later, that she's confused, she'd go away, then come back. I feel like a fool, and I so wanted to have that power shift back to me.

[Locke2121]

Don't worry, you will. First you have to heal up from a year of her never letting you get over her.

[pacopaco]

Don't worry, you will. First you have to heal up from a year of her never letting you get over her.

 

I don't understand. I will what?

[Locke2121]

You'll get that power back.

[pacopaco]

ah. I see. i hope so. I feel powerless right now, except for my one ounce of strength. I guess I want it now, but I must be patient, no?

[JoeWho]

Paco,

 

It does get better, but it is hard as hell to ignore your ex when she calls or emails. I ignored my ex for 5 months when she emailed once a month or so. Recently I had to deal with her due to an issue with some mutual friends and boy did that 10 minute phone call throw me back to the beginning again.

 

That is pretty much what you have been going through for the last year. Every time you communicate with your ex you are right back at square one. As hard as it is you just have to ignore your ex, be prepared for her to still contact you but have a plan as to how you are going to ignore her, because it may happen when you least expect it or when you are having a bad day. I cant stress enough how important it is to completely cut your ex out of your life. It is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do especially when she calls you because she is upset. You will be amazed at how well you will heal if you can do it though.

 

Good luck mate and stay strong!

[pacopaco]

thanks joe,

 

I'm keeping hope alive that she won't contact me, actually. Still, a part of me is hopomg she does, but for what? is this normal? everyone is telling me she will call. I told her a bunch of times not to, but she still did. I know what I can do about ignoring her, I've done it before, and she is just persistent.

[Locke2121]

You know, most companies will allow you to block numbers. Just something to think about.

[JoeWho]

thanks joe,

 

I'm keeping hope alive that she won't contact me, actually. Still, a part of me is hopomg she does, but for what? is this normal? everyone is telling me she will call. I told her a bunch of times not to, but she still did. I know what I can do about ignoring her, I've done it before, and she is just persistent.

 

Yeah I think it is normal for you to still want her to call. In a weird way I still want my ex to call even though I dont want to talk to her. I guess we just want to know that they havent completely forgotten us.

[pacopaco]

I think for me, is that I want her to call saying( sincerely) that she is sorry, and that she missed out on such a good thing, that we had a good life together. She has said this before, along with telling me that I am so much an exception and a bunch of other things. she told me these, but I didn't believe it. I guess, if anything, it's to get a call to hear that she is in pain too. not that it would sway me into telling her "let's give it another shot." I'm just saying that because we were together for 7 years, and knew each other well for ten years before that. we were a big part of each others' lives for ten years, it would be nice to hear some pain coming from her. not to laugh in her face, but to understand that she knows she messed up. I think this is why I was in contact with her all last year, I wanted to hear it, and see it. I never did, or at least I never felt it was sincere.