Breaking NC for happy b-day message.

[thatislife]

Hi, I post a topic before on breaking up by telephone...

 

short hirtory ( we had a LDR Holland-Turkey, she came here 2 times in 2 years - I came about 8 times in 2 years. last time she came here she went back one week earlier for her dance career 9she became really famou sin 1/2 year), she said. one week later she broke up by telephone. confronting socalled things i was never aware off....She said she still loves me, want to be friends, doesn't know what will happen in the future, but to her friends she said never again. End of this summer she said, if something will happen can I call you back in 3-5years????)

 

After 3,5 month of some weekly contact I started 2 weeks NC, she broke it with a senseless small email and some msn talking. The regular "how r u, i'm fine etc etc non sense talk.

 

I was done with it cause to me it sounded all careless and ignorant, I try To continue my NC. After 4 months she is still 24/7 in my head, even after all the b*ll.... she told me and breaking up by tel. 11 feb is her birthday should I do something?

 

thank you hope you can give me some usefull advise.

[Ellie2006]

Hi there,

 

Re: breaking NC for ex's b-day: this is a much debated issue -- some posters think that sending a nice card (or e-card) is a kind gesture to someone you cared about.

 

Others believe that your ex forfeited the right to your kindness once they broke up with you.

 

In my humble opinion, I think the ultimate decision should come from what YOU are comfortable with.

 

Ask yourself this: will you be okay with NOT acknowledging her b-day this year? Would it make you feel too guilty about ignoring her b-day, to the extent that you're going to worry about it and apologize for it later? If latter is the case, then I think you should save yourself the agony and simply send her a nice card (or ecard). If you think you'll be okay without acknowledging her b-day, then continue on with NC.

 

Also, if you DO send a card and she does NOT acknowledge the card OR if she sends a cursory thank you via text or a brief email, will you be okay with that? OR would her cold response set you back in the healing process?

 

If you think it will set you back, then it'd be best if you don't send a card.

If you think you will be okay even if you don't hear back from her or she sends a one-line response, then it might be okay to send a card.

 

Ultimately, your decision should depend on what helps YOU the most to move on and away from the pain of this breakup, IMO.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Take care of yourself!

[Me and myself]

Hi

 

Thatis life, I'm having the same problem as you do. My ex birthday is next 2 March and I don't know what to do. I've started NC 4 weeks ago and I really don't know what to do in this situation. I believe the key to the answer is what you feel at the moment and what are your intentions.

In my case, I'm trying to get over her but I would like to keep friend of her in the future, as soon as I lose the feelings for her. What would you do in this case?

Maybe you would send her something, maybe not....but guess what, I believe I won't send her nothing. If I want to be a friend of her in the future, when we meet I will have the opportunity to explain her why I din't send her nothing and I'm shure she will understand.

And what if I don't wanted to be a friend? Well, I won't send her nothing also.

But, since you still have the feelings for her, let me give you my oppinion based on what you've told us. She broke up one week after being with you and, probably, she wanted to tell it personally to you when you both met but, for whatever reason, she couldn't do it face to face. Maybe she was affraid of something or maybe she was unsure.

I think it all depends on how her answer will make you fell based on your expectations.

 

Hope this helps

[dnozzle]

Yes, you should do something. You should finally let her go, and above all else DO NOT send her a card or anything for her birthday. You are not her BF anymore, so why act like one? Move on and be free. Make her realize that she DIDN'T get anything from you for her birthday. That will have way more impact than anything you could possibly send her.

[krnelson2]

Dont send anything. No call, no text, no card. I struggled with this not too long ago. I wanted to send a short text. I thought I would seem like a real jerk if I didnt do something. But its our job to make them feel special anymore.

 

They have others in their lives that they look to for that now. I ended up not sending anything. It hurt to do that, but its something I needed to do (or not do i guess)

 

She sent me a message about a week later, appoligizing for hurting me. She said that she hated herself for making me so mad at her that I wouldnt even call her on her birthday. And that she finally realized how bad she had hurt me.

 

Thats what it took to make her realize that she hurt me? I told her I wasnt mad at her but was doing this to heal myself and left it at that.

 

There is no need to send anything. It will make her realize a lot, especially that you are no longer there to give her that comfort she once had.

[thatislife]

thx guys,

 

thx for the support, i really appreciate it!!!!

 

one more thing is that, there hasn't been a moment I could be angry on her only really disappointed, and just disappointed in a human being, not as a girlfriend not as a relationship just the fact that such a caracter really excist...She at least was the one who was setting our future in the beginning.

 

Maybe yes indeed this is a way to make her realize something, anyway i think she is too busy focusing on herself/career. I wonder if she really realize it...but maybe the best thing i can do is indeed, NOTHING.

 

thx again!

[papalazarou]

By doing nothing you cant be doing anything wrong.

[karvala]

thx guys,

 

thx for the support, i really appreciate it!!!!

 

one more thing is that, there hasn't been a moment I could be angry on her only really disappointed, and just disappointed in a human being, not as a girlfriend not as a relationship just the fact that such a caracter really excist...She at least was the one who was setting our future in the beginning.

 

Maybe yes indeed this is a way to make her realize something, anyway i think she is too busy focusing on herself/career. I wonder if she really realize it...but maybe the best thing i can do is indeed, NOTHING.

 

thx again!

 

Okay if that's what it takes, but ideally you're not choosing not to send her something, you're simply not choosing to send her something. It's a subtle but important difference.

 

If you're trying to send her a message, even by not sending a card, then you're breaking at least the spirit of NC. The ideal reason not to send her a card is because she is not a part of your life at the moment, so you wouldn't send a card to her anymore than to anyone else who you may have no contact with for entirely different reasons.

 

Every time you send her a message, you're implicitly inviting a response, and setting yourself up for disappointment. It doesn't matter whether or not she notices the absense of a birthday card. What does matter is how much you can enjoy that day without her, with friends, with new activities, with things in your life.