Confused.... need I say more?

[krazykikikat]

Okay... all my life I have liked guys. (I'm a girl, if I haven't yet gone to my profile to specify this...) I'm almost certain I still like guys. But about four months ago, I realized that I like girls, too. I've never dated a girl, though, nor had a definitely sexual relationship with one (My friend Christina and I grab eacbhother's boobs a lot, but we both have boyfriends). I'm 16.

The thing is, that was just brought to my attention today, is that even though I like guys.... I DON'T like their... appendages. In fact, I would much prefer the female appendages, and have always wondered what it would be like to... well, no need for details on that. Now I know I'm young, and this confusion and questioning and experimenting is typical of the age group... but I am sexually active, and I kinda feel like, if penis is an acquired taste, I SHOULD be liking it by now. But I don't. I really don't. I don't think they're completely disgusting... but I do feel a slight bit of revulsion toward them, and I really don't like what comes out of them. I kind of have to force myself to do favors for my boyfriend. I do it because I know he likes it and he does the same for me, but I don't particularly enjoy it. I've read all sorts of stories about girls who LOVE giving head and stuff like that, and I've always maintained that they can't possibly be true. ...But are they? Do a lot of girls actually like that?

To make matters worse, I am definitely in love with the boyfriend I have now. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had. But I also have a bit of a crush on my friend Christina... I had a dream about her last night, and I think what scares me is that it wasn't at all sexual. We were at some sort of convention in an auditorium, and we were sitting next to eachother, and she fell asleep on me, and I felt... fuzzy. Warm and fuzzy. I told my boyfriend about the dream, but I led him to believe that it was sexual, because honestly, that would bother him less than the more intimate atmosphere that was actually present... I feel kinda bad, but I just think he'd consider it cheating on him if I had a crush on her... *sigh*

Well, I told another good friend of mine about the dream... this friend is rather well-read in the area of sexual questioning, and she said that if I have to force myself to like penis, I might be a lesbian. She said, "Take Berky's head... and put it on Christina's body. Would you like that?" Well, apart from the freaky image, I would LOVE that. If I really think about it... say if I had a choice whether Berky, with the same personality and beliefs, was a boy or a girl... I'm not sure... but I really wouldn't mind him as a girl.

In any case, there are many things that tell me I'm not a lesbian... I like guys! And, there's no reason for me to be in denial, because I have no problems with the LGBTQ community. I wouldn't mind being a lesbian at all. But... I dont' know the normal stages of coming out to onesself, so I don't know if there really is this huge denial for people, in which they think they can't possibly be gay. I think it must be different for everyone....

So basically, other than posting this, my other way of trying to solve the problem is asking all my close girl friends if they like penis, and if perhaps they didn't at first. So, give me your thoughts, and straight girls, if you have a good answer to that same question, it'd be appreciated... thanks.

 

Oh, one last thing, I'm not sure if it matters... but I RARELY have sexual dreams about guys. Very rarely. When I do have sexual dreams, it's almost always about girls. And, I've always been something of a tomboy, and I usually quite despise the "girly-girl" look, though, as I know, you don't have to be a tomboy to be a lesbian, and vice-versa.

[Maverick32x]

umm.... well... lets see here..... I guess i'll address the "every girl likes to give head" statement.. and say that is very very wrong (or I've been with some confused young ladies) A lot of girls I know would much rather have sex than give head....... and than again there are girls that absolutly love giving head..... (from what I've been told)

 

As for your sexual confustion state you are in... I would really look INWARDS for the answer, instead of outwards...... You seem to be trying to have someone tell you that you are a lesbian or not, and the fact is that the only person who truly knows is YOU!!!!

 

Or maybe you don't know right now..... but I really don't think its that big of a deal..... I wouldn't be so stressed to label yourself as a lesbian, straight, bisexual or whatever..... I would just kind of go with what you really want to do... if you want to try being with another girl.... go ahead.. if you do that and realize that its not for you... than its a learning experience....

 

Just look inwards instead of outwards.. don't let other people make decisions on your sexuality~

[krazykikikat]

Well yeah, that's true... I'm just wondering how my feelings compare to others' feelings, whether this is normal or not. And I guess another thing I forgot to mention is, while I don't like giving head, I don't actually like penetrative sex, either... I much prefer oral, for both of us.

[Locke2121]

You say you like guys....how? Because being intimate with one brings up that appendege problem. Lesbians like guys too! Just because they prefer being intimate with other women doesn't mean the don't like and even love men. You may very well love your boyfriend, but only for whatever emotinal and social support and interaction that he gives you.

 

Are you a lesbian...only you can answer that. At 16, I say you should have quite a few years before you need to do anything about it. But you are at present forcing yourself to give your boyfriend something that disgusts you. Thats not love honey, thats hoping you can keep it up so he doesn't leave you all alone.

 

I can't say that your friend would reacte in either a good or bad way to any revelation you may spring on her. I think you should find yourself firmly ensconced in the life your truly happy with before you tell her.

 

I hope you find your way, but in my honest opinion, the path your meant to walk doesn't sound like the one your on right now.

 

Blessings

[krazykikikat]

Thanks. Although I keep realizing things I accidentally left out. >_

 

Here's another question though... do you think I should talk to HIM about it?

[Locke2121]

Ok, lets tear this down...

 

"Well, for one, my friend knows I'm Bi, she is too, and she knows I like her."

 

Well, thats good. It means that you may have the basis for something very meaningful here. However, being bisexual means that you like being with AND have sexual relations with both men and women. You don't seem to like the physical aspects of have sex with a man. Can you really call yourself bisexual? And with her being Bi, can you be assured of a long-term relationship with her?

 

 

"And I do love my boyfriend. I wouldn't be alone without him, there are plenty of guys I could be with, but I know he's the one who will take care of me.... "

"

Like I said, there isn't nothing that keeps a lesbian from loving a man. But there is an aspect of your relationship that is hurting you. Can you reall continue with being with him and taking that type of pain? And NO ONE needs to take care of you except YOU! You must learn to stand on your own two feet and be your own person. YOU share YOUR life with someone else, not let someone else take care of you.

 

"and I could really see myself married to him."

 

Even knowing that a part of your life is a lie? Can you imagine living the next forty years with him, dreading each night, not knowing if he'll be in the mood or not?

 

"And I do things for him TRULY to make him happy. Not to compensate for anything."

 

In a TRULY happy relationship, partners do things for each other that make BOTH of them happy. But what you are doing is hurting you.

 

"Here's another question though... do you think I should talk to HIM about it?"

 

Honestly? I don't know. But I would ask myself, doesn't he deserve to know the truth? That each time the two of you are together physically, you can't wait till its over? Which will hurt worse, telling him that your simply not ready for anything with him, or continuing with this relationship, till you become so fed up with it that it all snaps...and it will eventually.

[agent1607307371]

The penis is a hilarious thing, being attracted to men does not mean you feel love for their genitalia. I think it's more of a familiarity thing (that and women just being better looking than men physically - sorry men ).

 

That said, if you're not comfortable being sexually active with your bf, don't be. Honestly, stay at a level that is comfortable for you. You're still young and even thought it might seem like everyone else is doing it, they're not.

 

Don't listen to your friends. Only you can decide how you'd like to be identified, some people never truly settle on one label, don't feel pressure to do so yourself.

[krazykikikat]

Well... I think you're taking a little too much stock in my dislike of the penis. It makes me uncomfortable, but not unbearably so, and not so much that ... I dunno. I'm not uncomfortable to be sexually active. I just don't like that THING. And I wouldn't necessarily say that it hurts me. I just don't enjoy it. I just thought maybe it was unusual not to enjoy (other than the fact that I know HE'S enjoying it) doing things for him.

 

That each time the two of you are together physically, you can't wait till its over?

Well that's just not true. I like being with him, I like hugging, cuddling, and I like the things he does for me... I'm not at all uncomfortable about that. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable about kissing, but I think that's mostly because I'm usually insanely self-conscious about my breath. And I don't like the distinguishing male parts... but everything else I'm okay with. More than okay, I don't mean to make it sound like it's bearable. I guess really, the male part is bearable because of everything else. Because it's him, and I love him.

[Locke2121]

By physically, I mean sexually. Sex is supposed to be a enjoyable moment for both, but you actually find sexual acts with a male organ repulsive. You've also stated you don't like penetrative sex or oral sex, but do so because it makes him happy. Thats just not right.

[krazykikikat]

By physically, I mean sexually. Sex is supposed to be a enjoyable moment for both, but you actually find sexual acts with a male organ repulsive. You've also stated you don't like penetrative sex or oral sex, but do so because it makes him happy. Thats just not right.

 

Well, it's not exactly like that. I mean... in all seriousness, am I supposed to enjoy giving him oral sex? I enjoy when he does it for ME. I just figured that all couples don't really enjoy pleasuring the other person for any other reason than the knowledge that it's pleasing to them...? Am I wrong?

[Locke2121]

Enjoy it? Thats actually a very difficult question on top of everything else you've said. If you don't enjoy a sexual act, you shouldn't feel obligated to do it, just because he does it for you....I don't know if that makes sense. You want to pleasure each other, but dealing with his organ bothers you. You also stated that you don't like penetrative sex. You need to tell us exactly what your asking.

 

Are you supposed to enjoy sex? Yes. It is both a physical release and a profound mental release when your with someone you love. Remember that "fuzzy" feeling with your friend in that fantasy....that would be called afterglow by alot of people. Do you get that same fuzzy feeling with your bf, or are you preoccupied with getting over your feelings about having to deal with his penis?

[krazykikikat]

Enjoy it? Thats actually a very difficult question on top of everything else you've said. If you don't enjoy a sexual act, you shouldn't feel obligated to do it, just because he does it for you....I don't know if that makes sense. You want to pleasure each other, but dealing with his organ bothers you. You also stated that you don't like penetrative sex. You need to tell us exactly what your asking.

 

Are you supposed to enjoy sex? Yes. It is both a physical release and a profound mental release when your with someone you love. Remember that "fuzzy" feeling with your friend in that fantasy....that would be called afterglow by alot of people. Do you get that same fuzzy feeling with your bf, or are you preoccupied with getting over your feelings about having to deal with his penis?

 

Well... after I have to physically deal with it? Yeah... I am kinda preoccupied with that... when I don't have to actually acknowledge it I get the "afterglow"... And I don't feel obligated... I feel like it's something nice to do. Like... leaving a generous tip. You're obligated to leave a tip, but your'e not obligated to pay more than... .... uh... however much you're supposed to >_

[IntoTheFire]

Hey,

 

When I read your first post I felt I could relate to it alot. I'm a bit older than you - 19 - but alot of what you said applies to me too. Up until about 6-9 months ago or so, I always considered myself a girl who was into guys, and that was that. Never really considered anything else.

 

To this day I'm still not sure what triggered me thinking differently, but I do. I'm a really sociable person - pretty much as social as they come - I go out to bars and clubs etc whenever I possibly can, usually about 2-3 times a week and I get alot of approach from guys, but I almost never ever think "Oh, I could talk to him for a while and see what happens". I mean, of course I'll be polite enough to talk and stuff, but I know straight from the start I'll never look at them in any other way.

 

At first I though I was just bi, which didn't bother me much at all, I looked at guys & girls pretty equally, but slowly it became 60/40 to the girls, then 70/30 and so on.

 

Now I'd almost 100% choose a girl over a guy anytime. It seems like everything about them from the way they look to their personalities is so much better/hotter/sexier.

 

Anyway, that said, my advice on your situation will suck, so I'll just say that I DEFINITELY know what you're feeling/thinking, and feel free to PM me or whatever if you think it'll help at all.

[NKP]

I know how you feel i am the same way, but the way i deal with it is, just dont worry about it, and let the heart goes where it wants too.

[addictedblue]

i am straight and don't know how to address your questions about your sexuality but i'll just answer the "do girls actually like giving head" question. for me i don't mind at all really. i've only done it a few times, and while i don't like immensly enjoy it or LOOOVE doing it like some girls, i kind of like it, knowing how happy i'm making the other person, and the physical penis in the mouth isn't all that unappealing. for me the thought of eating out a girl is replusive and makes me cringe just thinking about it. you said you were asking girls if they like giving head, so i thought i'd contribute, hope i helped in some way but i doubt it

[krazykikikat]

i am straight and don't know how to address your questions about your sexuality but i'll just answer the "do girls actually like giving head" question. for me i don't mind at all really. i've only done it a few times, and while i don't like immensly enjoy it or LOOOVE doing it like some girls, i kind of like it, knowing how happy i'm making the other person, and the physical penis in the mouth isn't all that unappealing. for me the thought of eating out a girl is replusive and makes me cringe just thinking about it. you said you were asking girls if they like giving head, so i thought i'd contribute, hope i helped in some way but i doubt it

 

That does help a little. I mean I know everyone's different, but it's nice to have some comparisons. For me, the ONLY pleasure I get from giving head is knowing that he's enjoying it. But, I'm not repulsed, either. On the other hand, I'm definitely not repulsed by the thought of eating out another girl. I think I'd be pretty good at it, considering that I know my way around one of those.