InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Many of you have seen my posts on here about my ex girlfriend and I. I have been reading alot about depression and I am starting to feel like my ex is suffering from it. She has gone thru it in the past and I know was taking medication for it. When we were together, if she had not taken her medicine, her moods would change drastically. It is a terrible disease and she falls into most of the categories of symptoms. I am starting to wonder if it is her depression that is causing mixed emotions and signals between us. It is very common for low income single mothers to suffer depression. This is so hard on me, because it is a delicate situation. You are dealing with something you can't control but can only try to understand. She has been thru so much in her past relationships and in her life in general. I am honestly starting to feel like it is not me, or anything I have done that causes her to not seem interested in me. She is going thru a hard time now financially and that just adds to things. I want to ask her so many questions but don't know how. Has anyone here ever dealt with a gf/bf with depression? What signs did they portray and how did it affect the relationship? I have read that one day they can be happy in the relationship and the next day, it seems like they want nothing to do with you. I'm honestly starting to feel that her depression is playing a bigger factor than I thought. Any advice is welcome? Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Are you asking this because you feel that her depression may have contributed to the breakup? If yes, it's quite possible that that is the case if she is depressed and that the breakup may not have been about you and more about her. I haven't read your other posts so I really can't say much else without knowing more. But I'm curious...why do you ask these questions if she's your ex after all...I mean it's not like you're in a relationship w/her and trying to figure out how to work things out or how to help her...I guess I'm a little confusd as to why you're asking... Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hey Inloveandwaiting, there for sure is a possibility that depression is a factor in her behaviour, but then again I think you've got to consider all angles here...... Don't make excuses for her.... she has got to face reality, that doesn't mean she doesn't love you.... as a single mom myself I know how difficult finances and also having a relationship can be.... My ex bf had ADD and also had some depression issues, he didn't know what he wanted, it causes a major case of confusion for some people with this affliction for sure... but then again, you gotta take care of yourself as well...... I can tell you are a very kind and considerate person.... but don't be a doormat either.... I think you gotta give things a bit or time to see things in their true prospective.... Lotsa hugs.... Sandy Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 She asked about starting to spend more time together again and taking things slow, but isn't showing it now. She was a few weeks ago. She seems to go thru stages where she just isn't interested in anything. She just told me recently that she is always tired lately because she is so busy and stressed out. All she wants to do is sleep or do nothing when she isn't busy. I know she's my ex, but I'm still interested in getting back with her. I do believe that it had alot to do with the breakup. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Inloveandwaiting, sounds kinda like my ex, and he DOES have emotional issues, so thats totally possible, but all you can do right now is wait, as hard as that is.... and see what happens.. Leave her to decide to call you, or else you just may be pushing her further away.... she needs to decide, you can't do that for her.... be patient... Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Inloveandwaiting, I don't wanna bother with my ex or really anyone right now either romantically bc I'm very overwhelmed with other problems, finances, my kid... the list goes on and on.... so I can relate to her pretty much... doesn't mean she doesn't care.... Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Is that honestly the best thing to do? Can I ask her if she just isn't interested or if it's not a good time for her? I have been patient, but the back and forth behavior is killing me. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Inloveandwaiting, I know what you mean, and yeah the best thing you can do is stand by basically, cause she may just get angry being pressured... maybe not, but prolly you should just try to keep occupied right now... Take care of you, and time will tell, if she really cares, you will hear about it.... I really do believe that..... Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 sandyv, are you honestly telling me that she may care and want to spend time with me but it just isn't a good time for her? She was calling me everyday up until last week, and then just pretty much stopped. Doesn't seem interested to talk much when were on the phone now. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Inloveandwaiting, yep thats what I'm saying.... god only knows for sure... but I'd say ... and I'm going through lots of stuff myself.... that if my ex wants to call me, (and I still love him) I'd rather it would be a week from now.... Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Like I said, I know for a fact that she has sufferd thru depression and I now believe it played a big part in our breakup. Our finances were bad together when we split and we had moved away from home together and she didn't like it there anymore. Everything went downhill in a matter of 2 weeks before we split. Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 These feelings are hard to understand. I'm just wondering why the sudden stop in calls. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Inloveandwaiting, Its really hard to say what can be on her mind, but regardless you really would be wise to try to distract yourself right now..... she will be back if she loves you... and if she isn't ... she wasn't worth it anyways...... That being said, you gotta take care of your life you know, you are what matters right now! Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 She sent me a message a little over a month ago saying, "Hey, I don't know how to say this but I've had alot of time to think and I really miss spending time together ps=I love you;-) Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Inloveandwaiting, Well I'd say she does love you then, who would want to say that if it wasn't true right? But still you can't force her hand... take some time and let things flow naturally, you want her to want you on her terms too right? Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 You're looking for reasons for the break up, but this has nothing to do with the situation. People stay in/leave relationships because they're interested/not interested in the other person. It's true that she might have become depressed because she was losing interest in you, but her depression has nothing to do with why she dumped you. At most, she's depressed because she had to dump you and now has no man in her life. As for being patient and doing this hanging around in the background, this is a sure fire way to a lot of false hope,wasted time,and worse broken heart as this method has been proven 100% ineffective at winning back your ex into a successful long term relatinship. Best thing you could do would be to go into NC (it's OK to tell her that you want it) for some time so you can get control of your emotions. Then you can get in touch with her and straighten out your true intentions, but if she's not interested in being in a relationship with you at that point, there's no reason to believe that she'll change her mind in the future. At that point you then request NC for good and move on. Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 She said she had felt like that for awhile and didn't say anything. Just wondering why she isn't showing that now, that's all. You think it would be ok to tell her how I feel and let her know that I understand she is going thru a tough time now and I'm there for her if she needs me? Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Heloladies21, Well said, a guy can always speak to another guy better than a wussie girl like me.... but its a tough situation too though Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 helloladies 21, you honestly don't know my situation. There isn't a universal answer for everyone's situation. I'm not looking for reasons for the breakup, I'm looking at her past and a pattern of her behavior. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I take my advice back. Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 You didn't offend me. I'm saying that yes, that is a possibility, but she has a pattern of this and it could go deeper than just losing interest in me. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Helloladies21, aww, Inloveandwaiting is hurting.... I understand that feeling all too well...... and Inloveandwaiting, he's only trying to help... its hard to know all the time... how to help? Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Yes, I've been hurting for 7 months, I deal with it. I know it is tough to know how to offer help sometimes, but I appreciate any comments. Link to comment
sandyv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I understand, I'm still going through all kinds of crap myself, my old relationship doesn't seem to have ended yet..... and he's still the ONE.... Link to comment
InLoveAndWaiting Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 sandyv, maybe I should just lay it all out on the table for her and then wait. Tell her how I feel and then just sit back and see what happens. I can't keep going in limbo like this. Link to comment
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