Shyness a necessity?

[cpc28655]

I just had a thought. Perhaps a little bit of shyness is necessary to help us maintain our inhibitions. Think about it. If it were not for shyness, I imagine some people would be asking out anything that moves. It only becomes a problem when it is extreme shyness.

 

Like I said, just a thought. What do you think?

[puff.tm.dragon]

What's wrong with asking out anything that moves?

[cpc28655]

that was only an exaggeration, lol.

[Kevin T]

I don't think shyness is what hinders desperation. Some people would date anything just because they can. I know people like that. As long as it's female, this one guy I know would go after anything that moves. And he's not shy at all. All he cares about is sex.

 

I really don't see how shyness can be a good thing, in ANY situation. It's rooted in fear, and fear is never good. Having inhibitions can be detrimental, especially in the case of wanting to pursue romantic relationships, but being too afraid to do so. That is never a good thing.

[need2bme]

I too believe that shyness is rooted in fear and I am shy or at least nervous and I am afraid at times.

 

I look at it this way; if you are a good person at heart, you won't go after anything that moves. It isn't the shyness that stops you, it is that fear that your mother, to this day, would still slap the dogp*** out of you.

 

Oh, and for those that don't know, a "dogp***" is a unit of measure that is slightly more than a bushel (look it up if you don't believe me).

[puff.tm.dragon]

I don't think shyness is what hinders desperation. Some people would date anything just because they can. I know people like that. As long as it's female, this one guy I know would go after anything that moves. And he's not shy at all. All he cares about is sex.

 

I really don't see how shyness can be a good thing, in ANY situation. It's rooted in fear, and fear is never good. Having inhibitions can be detrimental, especially in the case of wanting to pursue romantic relationships, but being too afraid to do so. That is never a good thing.

 

But fear is a good thing. It keeps you from shooting people and robbing banks or sky diving w/o a parachute.

[Kevin T]

Fear keeps you from robbing banks? Not me, but I'm just asking.

[cpc28655]

Fear keeps you from robbing banks? Not me, but I'm just asking.

 

he was only joking, I hope. But I can see you point though. Perhaps I am confusing shyness with inhibitions. Or perhaps I need a vacation, lol.

[cpc28655]

I too believe that shyness is rooted in fear and I am shy or at least nervous and I am afraid at times.

 

I look at it this way; if you are a good person at heart, you won't go after anything that moves. It isn't the shyness that stops you, it is that fear that your mother, to this day, would still slap the dogp*** out of you.

 

Oh, and for those that don't know, a "dogp***" is a unit of measure that is slightly more than a bushel (look it up if you don't believe me).

 

I know what a dogp*** is. Further proof that I need a vacation, lol.

[Kevin T]

I know, I just have to stand firm that nothing good comes from fear. Period.

[Weeblie]

I kind of think it is a necessity. It kind of makes you aware of how much you like the person.

[cpc28655]

I know, I just have to stand firm that nothing good comes from fear. Period.

 

This is not always true. Fear is also a safety mechanism that keeps us from doing stupid things, like smoking a cigarette while pumping gas into a car. I think it's a matter of "controlling the fear instead of letting the fear control us."

[Kevin T]

I'm not "afraid" to do that. I'm wise enough to not do something that'll get me "exploded." lol You're confusing fear with common sense or just plain intelligence.

 

On a cognitive level, I choose not to light up and get blown to kingdom come, not because I'm scared or terrified to do so. I have no fear of death, actually.

[cpc28655]

We'll have to agree to disagree on this.

[Portage]

I think it is good to have a certain amount of shyness. Because when you do get through a difficult situation, does it not make you appreciate it even more? I have a certain amount of shyness when confronting something/someone i'm not comfortable with. But as i get older i look at it as a challenge & reward myself with a pat on the back.

 

The exhiliration of a job well done keeps your shyness in check. Or at least try and see it in that light.

 

Good Luck

[cpc28655]

I think it is good to have a certain amount of shyness. Because when you do get through a difficult situation, does it not make you appreciate it even more? I have a certain amount of shyness when confronting something/someone i'm not comfortable with. But as i get older i look at it as a challenge & reward myself with a pat on the back.

 

The exhiliration of a job well done keeps your shyness in check. Or at least try and see it in that light.

 

Good Luck

 

I can agree with this point of view.

[charley]

But fear is a good thing. It keeps you from shooting people and robbing banks or sky diving w/o a parachute.

 

Sometimes it helps keep you from making a total jerk of yourself.

 

I function best, that is to say women like me best, when I have just enough fear to behave a little, but not to much fear to try.

 

It's all about proportions, I think. It's good to have a reasonable amount of inhibitions, but not to much.

[Altruist]

Shyness leaves you with nothing but regret. pondering what could have been.

[cpc28655]

Shyness leaves you with nothing but regret. pondering what could have been.

 

only if it is to extreme.

[Kevin T]

Shyness is an extreme behaviour to begin with. There's nothing normal or healthy about it.

[charley]

I'm going to have to agree with CPC there Kevin.

 

Shyness is not a disease, not a defect, not a failing, unless it prevents you from trying.

 

For example: At my most shy, not only would I not try to approach women, but I even recoiled from them when they approached me. That was a problem.

 

When my shyness became reduced with age and practice, then I started becoming functional. So if a woman approched me at that time, then I could reciprocate. That's much better than before.

 

When my shyness reduced some more with more practice, then I could and can approach a woman. That's a very good thing. Also, if a woman approached me now, I could reciprocate.

 

So at this point, I still feel some shyness and trepidation, but just not enough to stop me, except apparently when the woman I'm attracted to is an available and potentially interested friend. Then I still can freeze up. Actually, I don't freeze up, I back off and withdraw while trying to be as casual about it as possible. I'm working on learning to not withdraw everytime she starts to respond.

 

I don't think that shyness is a problem if it's within reasonable limits and under reasonable control. It's only a problem if it's stopping you from getting what you want.

 

When shyness is within reasonable limits and under reasonable control, then it might even be an asset because it can prevent you from being to aggressive, or obnoxious, or cocky, or making a jerk of yourself in public, or with a woman. Hey, in my experimentations and practicing reducing my shyness, I've occasionally and temperarily erred on the side of being a little to cocky (especially after a drink), and then the women start tearing me down and putting me in my place.

 

If women (most women) perceive that a guy is to confident, or cocky, they either ignore him, or start tearing him down to lower his confidence. Seriously. By contrast, if they perceive he's a nice guy who is a bit shy, humble, and demure, then they usually start trying to help build his confidence up. Most women like a guy who is a happy medium. If he's on either side of that line, they start working to alter his level of confidence to be medium. I've seen it. I've experienced it.

 

You've heard women say many times that they don't like a guy who's to cocky. A shy guy is not cocky. If a guy is slightly shy and demure, but still romantically functional, then I think most women would think he's just about ideal.

 

Retaining a little shyness and humility, but still having enough boldness to try (once shyness under control) is the ideal mix, IMO. I'm aiming for that mix.

 

A reasonable level of shyness can be an advantage. An excessive amount of shyness is indeed a problem, but a fixable problem. No shyness at all can lead to cocky behavior that most women hate.

 

A nice balance is best, IMO.

[cpc28655]

exactly, you can call it slight nervousness, apprehension, or butterflies in the stomach. all of these basically fall into the same category as shyness.

[charley]

Any time I was to shy, women started trying to build up my confidence to a suitable level.

 

Any time I was to cocky (only happens occasionally), they started trying to tear down my confidence to a suitable level.

 

I think most women want a guy who's in between those extremes. A guy who's emotionally well rounded. So a little retained shyness, or demureness, is a good thing, as long as not to extreme.

[Alone_Forever]

Any time I was to shy, women started trying to build up my confidence to a suitable level.

 

MAYBE they do this if a guy is sufficiently good looking. But when I am too shy (which is all of the time), I certainly do not see any such efforts by women to build up my confidence. In fact I suspect women do little high-fives about it with each other when my back is turned.

[cpc28655]

MAYBE they do this if a guy is sufficiently good looking. But when I am too shy (which is all of the time), I certainly do not see any such efforts by women to build up my confidence. In fact I suspect women do little high-fives about it with each other when my back is turned.

 

Well of course they do. The things we do behind their backs is 10 times worse.