Am I really that oblivious?

[WrongTurn435]

Hello,

 

When a woman asks if you're interested in meeting up at a social event at a future date, what would you people consider to be the connotations? In my case, N asked if I wanted to go to some college bar hopping thing, but I declined for two reasons:

 

1. I hate bars with a passion. Plus it's not worth the $25 price to watch drunks make asses of themselves.

2. I'm pretty sure that she's already dating.

 

It was completely out of the blue and definitely not expected, but obviously, and naturally, I'm confused as to what the intent of asking me was. Is it under completely friendly terms or was I just asked out?

 

Clearly, if she's already dating, then that adds to the confusion, but I presume the case to be that casual dating could be the explanation for that.

 

In any case, what does everybody make of this? Or are you all just as confused as me. LOL

 

*UPDATE* Read most recent posts for startling climax to the soap opera.

[zerohalo]

You may never know, now. I have a friend who missed the most completely obvious signals a woman sent him... calling him from the beach to say she was wearing a little bikini, asking him if he wanted a drive home when he clearly arrived with a friend... it still kills me to think about it.

 

I'm going to say that you may have missed an opportunity, but you'll never really know. Sometimes you just have to say goodbye to president Lincoln and Jackson and view it as an investment. It may not yield a return, but then again you could've been a millionaire.

[puff.tm.dragon]

If she's already involved then it's just a friendly gesture.

[equinox]

If you think that she's already dating then you should indeed turn her down. If she has a bf then it's not right to go somewhere with her. If she doesn't, well best not take a risk.

[WrongTurn435]

Ok, so I'm still confused. More than a month since I posted this, it is now 100% obvious that she is flirting when she's supposedly already dating. I know the dude she's supposedly dating, yet she still flirts regularly.

 

The ridiculous thing about it all is that I've known her for about one and a half years yet she decides to become even more flirtatious just now?

 

Even though there is definitive interest there on her part, I'm leaning towards doing absolutely nothing about this since for one I'm not that desperate and two why wouldn't she make it this clear in her interest level when she was still single?

 

Bahumbug.

[ghost69]

If she's already involved then it's just a friendly gesture.

 

this quote is never 100% true. have you ever heard of shady girls that cheat?

 

she might just want to hook up. if you know for sure she has a bf, don't do it. let her flirt. this might not be her goal, but a lot of dirty women out there.

[Batya33]

It's unclear because it is not a one on one invitation. I recently had a situation where I specifically mentioned my boyfriend in a first conversation with a man at a religious type event. I assumed he heard what I said but apparently he hadn't because he asked me out - assuming that since I gave him my card and told him I was interested in the types of arts-related events he was in the process of planning that I had shown interest in dating him. So much room for mixed and missed signals!

[ghost69]

her bf might not want to attend these things with her so she thinks he is boring. go hang out with her. maybe she will fall for you and leave her bf. it is innocent on your part since she asked you.

[Dating Coach]

Flirting does not = interest. It may, but it doesn't always. I've seen some flirting between two uninterested people become very heavy and sexually suggestive and still neither of them were serious beyond having fun flirting.

[ghost69]

yeah. she might just think you are cool around the office and like to see if you are cool outside the office too.

[WrongTurn435]

Wow, that's quite a varied response.

 

If I had to play the guess-the-outcome game, I'd say that if I were to reciprocate the flirting (which I haven't), there could well be potential, but what sort of potential? Positive or negative?

 

If she were truly interested, she'd have made it supposedly this clear six months ago, right?

 

Anyway, as I said, due to that fact alone, I've 99% made up my mind to do absolutely nothing unless there are potential positive outcomes that I'm unaware of.

[cara223]

Wow, that's quite a varied response.

 

If I had to play the guess-the-outcome game, I'd say that if I were to reciprocate the flirting (which I haven't), there could well be potential, but what sort of potential? Positive or negative?

 

If she were truly interested, she'd have made it supposedly this clear six months ago, right?

 

Anyway, as I said, due to that fact alone, I've 99% made up my mind to do absolutely nothing unless there are potential positive outcomes that I'm unaware of.

 

 

That statement doesn't really make any sense. You'll never be aware of the potential positive outcomes if you don't do anything in response. As was said in a previous post, flirting back is harmless if she's the one who initiated it, so if i were you i'd flirt a little back in return and accpet her next invitation. Since you don't know the exact situation between her and her boyfriend, you can gather that they aren't official and if anything are 'casually' dating.

 

Also, just because she didn't flirt in you six months ago doesn't mean that her flirting isn't a sign that she's interested now. Some women don't flirt or show interest right away because they would like to get to know you a little better. As soon as she has a solid friend base and is attracted to you, then she'll feel secure about taking the next step and letting it go.

 

If i were you, i would show interest back if you like her. You never know what the future holds in store for you if you don't take chances today. As corny as it may sound, it is true none the less.

[ghost69]

well, you said wow, i didn't know there was potential in her liking me. maybe your signals are off too and she feels the same way about you. you aren't giving off the signals she is looking for either.

[WrongTurn435]

Woooo. Has it really been two and a half months since this thread? Crazy.

 

I'm an idiot. I had a golden opportunity to make a move with her at the end of April, but stupidly passed up on it. She broke up with the guy in the first post(of the thread) and evidently, had full intention of being with me. What an idiot I am. IDIOT. Didn't even get her number.

 

All is not lost though. A friend suggested I at least try searching online for her because quite simply, online communities are the "in" thing, and sure enough, it does indeed seem that everybody uses the internet. Before anybody says anything about this, it's already too late. I did message her. Was it right/wrong, it doesn't matter as what's done is done. I'll update with the response/lack of response just for kicks here.

 

What was the rationale for not reciprocating interest and making a move? I'm currently a full-time student and work 30 hours a week for a grand total of 60 hours of gut-wrenching work weeks. Stupid reason, I know. Whatever. Nobody -- and I mean NOBODY -- is in control of my mental state/emotions except me. I am the authority of me.

 

We'll see what happens in any case though!

[cpc28655]

Flirting does not = interest. It may, but it doesn't always. I've seen some flirting between two uninterested people become very heavy and sexually suggestive and still neither of them were serious beyond having fun flirting.

 

I believe it is called "harmless flirtation". I believe that most of the flirting that goes on falls into that category.

[cpc28655]

What was the rationale for not reciprocating interest and making a move? I'm currently a full-time student and work 30 hours a week for a grand total of 60 hours of gut-wrenching work weeks. Stupid reason, I know. Whatever. Nobody -- and I mean NOBODY -- is in control of my mental state/emotions except me. I am the authority of me.

 

We'll see what happens in any case though!

 

No, that is NOT a stupid reason. Anyone that has had that kind of schedule can relate to your rationale. Been there, done that.

[WrongTurn435]

Ok, so here's the update I promised.

 

She replied, and to my embarrassment, there was a slight miscommunication as to who I was. LOL Whoops!

 

After the confusion was cleared up, she has agreed to meet this Tuesday. (Still slightly confused as to who I am, but that'll be clarified shortly).

 

Now for some necessary (and interesting) background information. We were both at an out of town social event at the end of April. As usual, our flirting commenced there except it had been kicked up a notch. Had I made a move on that weekend, she'd have not hesitated to date me. However, I was unaware that she had broken up with her now Ex (whom I know reasonably well and would consider a friend) until well after that weekend. In addition to that, I am taking 6 courses this semester as already mentioned as well as working 30 hours, so time is extremely limited not only now, but until at least next April (7 courses fall term, 7 winter term, OUCH!) So, the moral is that I opted against making a move with her. Stupid stupid me.

 

Fast forward to this past Friday when I talk to her Ex T. T tells me that had I made a move on her that weekend, she'd have agreed in a heartbeat. I tell him I know this and we both pretty much come to an unsaid mutual agreement that I am an idiot. ](*,)

 

So now here I am, having resorted to somewhat tacky tactics to make a move and now awaiting Tuesday to arrive. Talk about being proactive.

 

What can be learned from this? Don't be afraid to take charge of a situation. Whether it's relationships or your work life, always take charge. Step out of your comfort zone and be couragous. Be in control of yourself and your own well-being. It is an absolutely empowering feeling that you will never want to relinquish. Instead of seeing nothing but brick walls, see opportunities to build doors on the very surface of those walls.

 

Expect the best, but be prepared for anything. Always.

[ghost69]

glad you found out that you can do this without worrying. just do it. that sounds so nikeish.

[MrMilk]

Wow I hadn't seen this thread. Just read the whole thing, sounds like big soap opera haha.

 

All I can say is good luck and let us know how it goes.