Its tough trying to ask a girl out

[emit_remmus]

To be honest, I'm afraid of rejection and the outcome of it.

 

I know how to flirt with girls and attract girls just fine, but its tough asking them out. I don't like planning out what to say, for instance "Would you like to go on a date to suchandsuch place". It just seems all too awkward to me because I like things to happen randomly and spontaneously, or its more easy with them asking me out.

 

For instance, I do not want to plan on asking a girl out this coming Friday or any weekend because I don't want to put much effort into all of the planning just to risk the chance of getting a "no".

 

What if the workmate, classmate, volunteer-mate, or friend says no? I'm more afraid of what follows.

 

I have no problem attracting, but I have a problem with asking them out.

[rnorth]

My philosophy is that if you don't overcome your fears and try, you'll never know. How do you expect to get a reward (the date) if you don't take the risk (asking)? If she says "no", you are no worse off than before; just hold you head high and move on to the next opportunity to ask someone else out there.....

 

Don't expect failure. There is no failure in asking, just the potential for reward.

[chai714]

Emit,

 

Dating and getting dates is a process. And you can get dates without ever having to use the word, "date." I avoid the word because it's loaded with negative connotations and seriousness and I'm not trying to get serious with someone I hardly know.

 

Instead, I suggest you view this as a process which starts out by getting her number. Then, you can call her to "hang out" sometime. The first few times you "hang out" it can be done casually like over a meal, coffee shop, bowling alley, or any other place where you can keep it light and fun. That's what the first few dates should be - light and fun. No serious topics as you're just getting to know her.

 

Don't worry about rejection - nobody likes it yet it happens to everyone - even the most beautiful women can get rejected, believe it or not.

 

Have fun and good luck.

[Day_Walker]

You need to face the fact that some girls are going to say no. In the long run you will learn to appreciate those girls that tell you "no" right off the bat. Dont think of dating and something that is so mechanistic, you just need to learn to have fun with it. You do not have to plan out what to say because the idea is to have fun. You have to go through the motions with girls find out what she likes then go on a date that is a blend of something you like and something she likes.. Dont make the idea of dating harder than it is.

[Beec]

I second Chai's comments, but would also add that you can use a short script to figure out if you should be asking her to do anything. In this regard, it would also require some ability to read body langauge to be able to gauge her reactions.

 

My script would be used after you had engaged in some conversation with her, whoever she is, and I would recommend you being the one to end the conversation while she appeared to be keeping it going.

 

The script is something like:

 

1. I have fun talking with you (you use I enjoy, I like, whatever you want) and just say it in an off-hand anc casual manner;

2. Watch her reactions to this, and not just what her voice says, but what her body tells you, if it is good, then proceed, if not say goodbye;

3. She had a good reaction, so tell her that "well maybe we should do it again (or more often, or some other time, or whatever, you suggest her and you together again);

4. Watch her reactions to this, and not just what her voice says, but what her body tells you, if it is good, then proceed, if not say goodbye;

5. Ask ehr to do something, because she already said yes. Make it simple, as Chai suggests.