I'm realllllly confused at the moment...

[zonkay]

Okay, I can't believe I'm going to post my problem on this site... But...

 

I've been confused lately.

 

Let's start off with a little back-story. Ever since I was little, I always worried about irrational things. I mean, at 10 years old I cried myself to sleep a few times wondering if I actually loved my parents or if I just told myself that I do.

 

Right now I'm 19, and I'm in a perfect relationship. This girl is really amazing... She's mature, she doesn't get jealous too often (and when she does it's cute), she is funny, she is sweet, she is friendly and loving, she's very VERY pretty, and she's very rational when it comes to relationships.

 

I am kind of a worrier... And, while everything is going perfectly well I always find a reason to worry. Lately these worries have been overwhelming and even led to a few arguments (and we rarely argue).

 

We are very in love, and we even lost our virginities to each other. But lately things have been feeling a little weird.

 

I recently started smoking weed (so maybe this has something to do with it), and one day while we were high she asked if I love her. I've told her that I love her many MANY times, but for some reason when she asked this it scared the hell out of me. I said yes, but started wondering the same stuff I wondered when I was little. I was thinking "how do I know that I really do? What if I just think I'm supposed to feel this way?"

 

And when I worry, all logic is completely gone. All the good feelings I usually feel are forgotten until I stop panicking.

 

Well lately it just got worse and worse. I mean, I take every little thing that happened and turn it into a big deal in my head. And it's been happening almost every night now.

 

Last night she slept over and everything was perfect. When she left (I had to go back to college because the new semester was starting), I started to worry again. I started to feel weird about her, almost as if I didn't like her... And I felt really guilty. Something just felt really wrong. Later, when we talked on the phone, she sensed that I felt weird and asked me about it. After I told her, she asked if I even like her, and that I should tell her if I don't. I said "I do" and she said "are you positive?" And I said "I think I am..."

 

She said that we shouldn't talk until I figure out whether I like her or not. Or if I'm just attached.

 

She's right. I need to figure myself out. But I wrote her a long email telling her how sorry I am and how much I love her, and I started overthinking again.

 

I've given it thought and I think I just feel guilty all the time because of this one time after a fight I kind of pictured being with another girl... I know that shouldn't worry me at all, because it's human and all. But it just made me feel really guilty. Ever since, every time I looked at another girl (and we're really open with looking), I felt so guilty.

 

I think I'm also scared of commitment. I always kinda was. In the beginning of the relationship, I didn't think that she'd want to be with me for so long, but we really fell in love with each other. And in a way, that scares me... I never ever hooked up with a random person before, and I've always just been in long relationships. Now that kind of scares me. I love this girl and I feel like I can be with her for the rest of my life... And that's a scary thought. I'm so terrified and I don't know what to do. I just always feel so guilty and all I do is worry and it's making me feel like crap.

 

I'm so scared, I don't know what to do. I really don't want to lose this girl. But why do I feel so weird? Do I not like her anymore or something? Was I just attached? How do I get rid of these worries? Do I have anxiety (my mom was telling me that anxiety seems to run in the family, and she had similar-but less severe-worries)?

 

Man, even posting this here is making me feel guilty. And my opinion is easily changed, so I'm terrified that somebody here will tell me that I don't like her and I'll believe them.

 

I don't want to lose her.

 

I just want to figure out what the hell is going on with me and how I can stop it... Could lack of sleep, stress, lack of money (I ran out of money from my last job so she's been paying for me a lot... I feel so guilty...), and my recent use of marijuana have anything to do with this?

 

EDIT: I just thought about it again right now... I don't know, it's just that at first she wasn't the most loving person on earth. She wasn't distant, but she wasn't always saying "I love you" and kissing me. And now that she became so loving all of a sudden, it kind of scares me. Like, I would LOVE to get married to her, but knowing the future seems scary. And every day, it seems like I know the future. I don't want to know what happens. I love her. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

[robowarrior]

All of your actions in life are a display of nothing but absurd fear. What is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that. What is needed is determination, go forward,move forward, retreat and you will age, hesitate and you will die.

 

Although there are some gray area's ,its best that you mainly think in black and white, yes or no. Show some spine in the decisions you make. Put your hands in the fire for what you stand for.

 

First off all quit the weed, its scientifically proven that usage of it messes with your head, and since you are already mentally confused, the last thing you need is something that only makes you even more confused.

 

Just go for gold in your life, imagine two boxers who fight, what will hesitation lead to other then the boxer getting his head being punched to the ground? If you can't make a choice and stick with it, you can never move forward, which is basically a state of limbo that disables you to pursuade a direction. For instance you are on a side road, you can goto LA or NY , you will never reach any of those places if you don't make up your mind. You are going to NY and you will finish what you start ,and when you reach your destination, then you have completed your goal.

 

Never start something that you don't intend on finishing, always complete what you start, be too stubborn to give up, and same counts for relationship. Go for gold, all the way with this girl by your own choice.

 

Don't worry about the things you can't change in life, only think about the things YOU can change. You have to accept and let go that there are some things in life that you cannot change or have influence over, and since you don't its needless to worry about it. You do what you can do. Just make sure you do something positive and constructive.

[danol21]

Hye, i so so agree with robowarrior regarding the weed. Anyone who has even smoked it knows you do start thinking about stuff, if left to yourself, you could probably figure out the meaning of life.

 

Seriously though, from how you put it the weed was the trigger effect and from there you started thinking more and more. Probably questioning why you had the original thoughts when you were high.

 

Im very much much like you, im a big thinker and worrier at times when it comes to relationships. Everyone tells me so. And the advice they all give and as i give to you is let everything happen. Dont think the worse unless you got proof or are convinced. If your undecided about your girl, your feelings etc just take a step out of the situation. If a friend came to you with the same issues, questions etc . . .What would you advise them!

 

Let everything happen as and when it does.

 

Its obviously you really care for her. See what happens and go with how you truly feel.

 

Dan

[Bethany]

I agree with most of the advice, especialy the weed. I smoke it myself so I'm not judging you but it can make you withdrawn and makes you overthink.

 

But I think your main problem is that you are actually listening to your anxiety and becoming alarmed by it.

 

So next time you think like that i.e. swaying back and fore with the "Do I? Don't ?, Arrgh I'm not sure anymore".. say this to yourself.." I love this woman and she means everything to me, I have no doubts about her, it's just my mind playing tricks with me", (in your words obviously and making sure it's from the heart). ..Then relax, believe yourself (because you know it's true). Then let it go. Doing that, settles your mind and stops your mind from pondering over and over.

 

Also, what helps a great deal is to write this down so you can refer and set your mind at rest if and when the 'swaying' get particulary bad. Nobody need know and you can use it safety net to overcome this 'swaying back and fore'. You will probably only need this short term and it works well. Good Luck.

[zonkay]

Thanks for all of the advice, I'll definitely try to keep all of it in mind.

 

After reading these forums last night and typing this out, I've felt much better. Before falling asleep I kept on repeating "Don't worry, don't overthink" over and over to myself.

 

However, only two problems remain at the moment. One is that... I felt guilty again today. I looked at a girl in my class and found her attractive, and started to slightly overthink again (But I stopped myself).

 

Also, I am talking to my girlfriend right now via text messages (she's in school). She very definitely still seems mad... And understandably so. I just hope this time she doesn't stay mad for good. =/