For those of you in a healthy long-term relationship...

[anggrace]

I have a few questions....

 

1. What is the most difficult problem you and you partner face in your relationship?

 

2. Do communication differences get better with time?

 

3. What keeps your relationship going strong?

 

4. Any words of advice for someone wanting to maintain a healthy relationship?

[melrich]

1. Resolving conflicts.

2. For us, yes we have gotten better as experience can lead to understanding. I'm not sure it is always the case as in my previous relationship we just fell out of touch with each other after a few years.

3. Of course there is the fact that we love each other. But we also consider ourselves an equal partnership and consider each other in everything we do.

4. Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings. There are always times in any relationship when things are not going right or don't feel right or one partner is just not happy. Talk about it. Don't let it fester.

[Batya33]

I have a few questions....

 

1. What is the most difficult problem you and you partner face in your relationship?

How to deal with disagreements - and how to handle next steps (i.e. commitment)

2. Do communication differences get better with time?

Yes, very much so but not on their own - you have to want to change that, you have to be humble and admit to yourself when an approach you have is not working, or is selfish, and then you do have to change

3. What keeps your relationship going strong?

A very strong friendship and high level of comfort with each other, compatible values and outlooks and a healthy sex life

4. Any words of advice for someone wanting to maintain a healthy relationship?

Enjoy the sweet mushy moments, the high romance, the cloud nine, but don't rely on those sometimes fleeting feelings to support the growth and progression of your relationship. Believe that "it is better to be close than to be right." As important as talking is respecting your partner's need for space and learning how to be in tune to your partner's need for space - you can't expect him/her to know how to ask for space all the time - so get to know his patterns, his moods so that when he can't ask for space you give it to him anyway. This requires you to be other-centered, empathic, etc.

 

Keep your outside life busy and fun - it's great to share anecdotes and stories about the social things you do outside of your relationship and it keeps things interesting in a good way. Don't define yourself by your relationship or rely on him/her for every move you make.

[caro33]

1. What is the most difficult problem you and you partner face in your relationship?

 

--- Our past! For me, it's getting over his past, and getting over my own. But this is manageable. We haven't yet had real problems, like money or health issues.

 

2. Do communication differences get better with time?

 

--- For us, yes. However we are also able to assert ourselves and know what is and isn't a major issue better than we did as younger people. The experiences I have had to date before my husband have meant that I am much better at learning how to communicate now, I am better at finding a way to communicate what actually matters. My past relationship went for 10 years and the communication issues were never resolved, so I think it has more to do with effort and interest than time.

 

3. What keeps your relationship going strong?

 

---- Lots of compassion, a genuine interest in doing the right thing by the other person. This involves also just letting them be, not lecturing or dominating, but being there for them. I think sometimes people can get too caught up in being 'right' or taking things personally, when they should just be giving themselves and their SO a break.

 

4. Any words of advice for someone wanting to maintain a healthy relationship?

 

---- Don't treat them any differently from how you would have treated them at the start. Don't put up with stuff now that you would not have put up with at the start. I'm not talking about a lack of flexibility here, there will always be changes at the fringes, like wearing your slippers, snapping occasionally etc. But the minute you start taking the other person for granted and believe you are immune to them leaving, don't. It is always a choice to stay and you should make that as easy a choice for them as possible. And agree with melrich - always communicate what you need.

 

Oh, and always fight fair.

[anggrace]

Thanks guys- I appreciate it!!

[emma34]

1) Agreeing to disagree.

2) to a degree i think yes. i have learned i have to be VERY clear when something is wrong and he has learned to let me be when i'm very upset. I think we are both also learning that we don't always have to agree.

3) Our appreciation for one another and our abilities to express that. I would say what keeps our relationship going strong is his hugs - lol

4) prioritize...and make sure your both on the same page

[terk2021]

I have a few questions....

 

1. What is the most difficult problem you and you partner face in your relationship?

 

2. Do communication differences get better with time?

 

3. What keeps your relationship going strong?

 

4. Any words of advice for someone wanting to maintain a healthy relationship?

 

Well, I can't say my relationship ended up successful, but I did recently take a marriage prep course prior to the canceling of my wedding last year. Here is what I learned from this class, and that I will take into my relationships into the future.

 

1. Learning the little things about each other. Relationships start out with passion, romance, and all is grand. Whether it's living together, or spending more time together, or getting married, you tend to learn about the little things that you each do when you are on your own. Things like cleaning, bad habits (perceived by one but not the other), daily routines... Being able to come up with ways to work through those. Learn how to deal with each others perceived faults.

 

2. Communication should be a foundation going into a relationship. It is something that needs to be worked at from the beginning. If a relationship is solid from the get go, then both partners should be able to speak freely between each other without serious issues arising. Many people go into relationships with things from their pasts, good and bad. Serious relationships should start with communication, and it should get better from there as trust is a major part of it. (It was the basis for my relationship that fell apart, because we stopped communicating).

 

3. What keeps a relationship strong is variety, passion, and priorities. Most relationships start because of a physical and mental attraction to each other. The strongest relationships are where each still has their own individuality, but life becomes shared. Some would call it sacrifice, others would call it making their partner the number one priority in their life. Every relationships have there ups and downs. When 2 people love each other, they should be there for each other no matter what. Make time for each other, no matter what is going on. Be the shoulder and the rock for your partner when they need it. Expect and trust that your partner will do the same for you when you need it.

 

4. Take vacations, do things spontaneously, send flowers, give them special gifts, and make them feel that they are the most important part of your life. Spend time learning their interests and taking part in them.

[BellaDonna]

1. What is the most difficult problem you and you partner face in your relationship?

 

Sex drive issues during pregnancy. I'm feeling yucky/nauseous/tired and not like my usual self but he still wants sex very often. We've had to come up with ways to work around this, and both of us have had to compromise to find a healthy agreement.

 

 

2. Do communication differences get better with time?

 

I think they do, especially if you are "best friends" and confide in one another and trust one another. Both parties must be mature in the way they communicate and not use information to hold against one another. (i.e. if your partner tells you something that makes them vulnerable, you should never throw it in their face)

 

3. What keeps your relationship going strong?

Love,respect, deep friendship,loyality, trust, communication, commitment, and a sense of humor.

 

4. Any words of advice for someone wanting to maintain a healthy relationship?

 

*Keep the romance going.

*Don't take your partner for granted.

*Never go to bed mad.

*Don't let others (friends/family) intrude in the relationship.

*If something bothers you, talk about it- don't let it build up inside and turn into resentment

 

BellaDonna

[anggrace]

anyone else?

[anggrace]

Just wanted to repost this in case someone might have something to add.

[EvaGina]

1. What is the most difficult problem you and you partner face in your relationship? Personally, I find I want to spend too much time with him. I dont have anyone else in this city and I think it grates him a bit.

 

2. Do communication differences get better with time? only if you both work on them and really want them to change... its not easy and it doesnt just fall into place

 

3. What keeps your relationship going strong? we are good to eachother, we TALK to eachother and we do things to show our appreciation for eachother. We realise that we are different people with different needs and ways of showing how we care. We DONT apply sterotypes to eachother

 

4. Any words of advice for someone wanting to maintain a healthy relationship? laugh, a lot... and dont sit there being angry, never, ever go to bed mad

[VeganBohemian]

1. What is the most difficult problem you and you partner face in your relationship?

 

Not taking each others feelings into consideration. Selfishness. Not openly talking about problems and letting them fester and build up.

 

2. Do communication differences get better with time?

 

Yes. But, the topics become more serious and threaten the relationship moreso than arguments in the beginning phases.

 

3. What keeps your relationship going strong?

 

Love. A desire to be with one another. Caring about the other person's feelings. Moreso just wanting to be with one another since it is more good than bad. Finding it difficult to imagine being without one another in the long term.

 

4. Any words of advice for someone wanting to maintain a healthy relationship?

 

Be honest, but not picky or overly-analytical. Let it happen naturally. Don't force anything, but don't not try. Respect one another and strive for both partners to be happy and healthy and loved.

[JadedStar]

1. What is the most difficult problem you and you partner face in your relationship?

 

Dealing with different personalities. We are very different in our personality, the things that were different were the initial attractor. However, after awhile it caused conflict. It took us a good while and a break up early on to learn how to compromise. The art of compromise is the best thing you can master in a relationship. If you are female, don't get upset over your b/f forgetting little things and assuming that his plans should match your own. Remember guys are wired different than the girls when it comes to sex. Try to lessen the drama as men don't normally like dramatics. If you are a guy, try to remember that women like to feel very cherised, this means don't check out women in her presense, or comment that her best friend is hot. Save those conversations and activities for guys night out or alone time.

 

2. Do communication differences get better with time?

 

They can, but only if BOTH of you are decent communicators to begin with. A strong communicator who is dating someone who is a weak one, or who doesn't believe in it, will always face conflict. Even good communicators in general can suffer lack of communicating in a relationship. It does strengthen in time if both parties are committed to it.

 

3. What keeps your relationship going strong?

 

The fact that we are both willing to make sacrifices from time to time for each other. For example, I may not like a certain restaraunt, but gladly go to them equally because he likes it. We always consider each other's feelings, but still maintain independence to a certain degree so we don't feel smothered. We learned how to handle anger/conflict and even talk to one another in a non confrontational way to get our point better accross. I have learned NOT to state the first thing that comes to my mind when i am upset and angry as i tend to get hyper and blow things out of proportion, and as such i say hurtful things. He in turn has learned not to just run off when angry, instead now he will leave the room for a few to cool off and then return. Used to be he'd leave for hours, or when we didn't live together an entire weekend would be spent seething. Because we communicate well now, we better know how to diffuse a situation before it gets to this point.

 

4. Any words of advice for someone wanting to maintain a healthy relationship?

 

Be sure to tell him the things you like about him far more than the things you don't. Men can be sensitive too, they just dno't always show it as much. They are sometimes wired to believe that men shake it off and don't express hurt. Be careful to not be too demanding, and don't ask for anything in the relationship you wouldn't be willing to give. Most importantly, take the time to get to really KNOW him, and talk about all sorts of topics to find out what makes him who he is.

 

Never take him for granted. IN turn, never allow yourself to be taken for granted. If you practice this, most everything else can be worked out.

[MissTee]

1. What is the most difficult problem you and you partner face in your relationship?

 

Different outlook. He is extremely health conscious - always working out and eating the right foods and he feels yuck if he slacks off. Where as, I am naturally slim so I don't really worry - I eat whatever I want and hardly ever work out. It drives him crazy. I'm in my early twenties and he is 29 so I still want to go out clubbing and travel, where as he has done it and he's ready to settle.

 

2. Do communication differences get better with time?

 

As long as you are being honest and respectful they should always be fine. They can get "better" with time if you both agree to work on it together and make a real effort to do so.

 

3. What keeps your relationship going strong?

 

Communication, Respect, Understanding, Affection and Forgiveness.

 

4. Any words of advice for someone wanting to maintain a healthy relationship?

 

Honesty and Respect. Don't stress over the little things and always remember to LOVE eachother!