Hopefully this will help some of you

[bubbles07]

I know a lot of you are going through what I'm going through right now and that is that we have lost someone that we really love but they don't love us back. I know that you also have been getting the same advice as me which is initiate NC and move on with your life. "Let go". I agree with them that we have to do this both to respect ourselves and also to respect the dumper. I personally have struggled to keep NC but I have forced myself to keep strong and thats what everyone has to do. I haven't given in once and that to me is a sign of myself becoming stronger and less dependent.

 

Another thing is, you have to consider this situation in a different light. You can not consider it as my life is over!, you have to consider it as a part of living. This is just one of the obstacles that we all have to go through during your life, i promise you it is. How can you say that you have lived, when you haven't experienced losing someone? I also think that this is a test for yourself, "Was our love real or was it just a sham?" and the only way you are going to find that out is if you let her go and if she comes back. I know a lot of people are going to think I'm just waiting for her to come back but thats not true, I am spending time on me now and doing things that I want to do. It doesn't mean that I'm forcing myself to go meet new woman because I think that right now is time for me. I need to concentrate on myself.

 

Thats another thing that I think a lot of people are mistaken by. You don't have to jump straight back into the world and start meeting new woman in order to get over your ex. Don't force yourself, you will meet people someone no matter what, it just takes time. You met your ex didn't you, so why do you think that you won't meet someone else? Love finds you, you don't have to go find love. Just stay strong and stay positive. Don't wait around and think that shes coming back because its 50/50. If she does great, if she doesn't her loss. You'll be okay no matter what. Just live your life and take it a day at a time. Don't worry about them, they will be okay on there own. You gotta get your inderpendence back and be good to yourself. You don't need them, you just want them which is different. You don't need them in order to have a happy life, you just want them in your life and you have to realize that there is a lot of stuff that we want but just are not able to have. The things we need, we already have them. Once you do that you will start having a positive energy around you that will do amazing things for you. No one gets anything good if they have a negative energy around them. I myself for example have started working out, concentrating on my uni courses, trying harder at work, started dressing nice and looking after myself (that will help you feel more confident too if you make you feel more attractive).

 

The main point I'm trying to say is that you have to have respect for yourself in order for other people to have respect for you. This is time for you to be good to yourself and treat yourself, now you don't have to worry about looking after someone else and yourself. lol you can be greedy now and hog all your own attention. Be selfish and do what you want. In time some people realize what they have lost and will come back BUT you can not do anything to make them realize this, they realize this on there own. If you do try, you will not succeed. Let them figure out there own mess! If you try to clean there mess for them they will only make a mess again. You don't have to fully give up the idea of them coming back, but you must realize that it might not happen. You also must continue on with your life and make the most of it and not put it on pause for them. Only time will tell what happens so live your life and time will go by faster. Just sitting around dwelling and asking if they are going to come back will make time sit still and you will only have to wait longer to see if they do or don't.

 

Sorry its long but I hope it will help some people out there. I know what your going through but you can't do anything at all to fix it. Just let them be and carry on with your life

[GoingForIt_77]

Not all of us are without our ex's because they did not love us back, or as much as we loved them..

 

Love isn't always enough, when there is pain and hurt involved...

 

We sometimes push and push our ex's thinking that they will never leave us, but they can and in my case, she did...

 

She didn't leave me because she fell out of love for me. She left me because it hurt too much to love someone who would hurt her sometimes and scare her sometimes...

 

She is taking care of HER needs right now. I am in therapy right now, understanding what I did, understanding where it came from and why I resort to using this defense mechanism. I apologized profusely for hurting her. I told her that I need to get well now and that I can't be in a relationship when this is still in me. I told her that I understand how she feels and why she feels she has no other choice but to leave me..

 

She asked for a little bit of space on Monday (we broke up 9 days ago) and that is what I am giving her and myself in the process. She has created a profile on facebook, added 350 people and is making plans with both men and women right now.

 

The best thing is to NOT be angry at your ex. They are taking care of their needs right now. They are not being selfish. They are being good to themselves and we must do the same thing.

 

I do believe that there is nothing wrong with re-iniating contact at some point, but it must be done only once you are stronger and less emotional. They were drawn to confidence and our lack of it eventually repelled them, in the way we began to communicate with them. Regain you and that is the only key to regaining your lost love, but space IS required first.

[fnlyfrei]

You are never responsible for the actions of others, but you are responsible for YOU. If someone is NOT treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. You may hurt for awhile, but your heart will eventually heal.

 

This helped me at times. : )

[bubbles07]

hey goingforit i agree with some of what you said but I have to disagree with the part where you say "Not all of us are without our ex's because they did not love us back, or as much as we loved them..". I think that sometimes be believe that they still love us a lot but in reality if they really did love you as much as you think they do, then they wouldn't of left in the first place. They would be still with you trying to work things out and fix things. A person does not leave someone that they love. They leave someone because they don't love them as much as they use to due to the other persons actions or just getting bored of that person and not being able to see a future with them. I think that sometimes the person that gets dump fails to realize that the person that just left them doesn't love them like they use to. I think that in order to move on that you have to realize that she doesn't feel the same way about you and that is including the way that she use to love you before. She may still love and care for you but its not like when you guys were in a relationship. Its been toned down and is more like a friend. If you really believe that she still loves you with all her heart then she would be right by your side through thick and thin because true love is unconditional.