Best friend/roommate conflict

[jengh]

Okay so here's the deal. I met a really attractive, sweet guy at a club last week on my birthday. We seemed to hit it off really well. He came over on Saturday night, we cuddled and stuff like that. My best friend, who is also my roommate, was there. She flirted with him the entire time. He made up an excuse and left early. 10 minutes later, he called me and told me he was more attracted to my roommate than me. I was absolutely crushed. I really liked the guy.

 

My best friend promised me she wouldn't talk to him. She knew how much emotional pain I was in.

 

It turns out she called him up after she found out from ME that he was into her. They talked for like an hour. She swore to me she was just {Mod Edit} him out.

 

Last night we had a little get-together for the premiere of American Idol. It was just supposed to be me, her and a couple of other people. She invited him without asking or telling me.

 

They sat super close the entire night and flirted with playful touching and such. I was pretty drunk so I didn't say anything.

 

Well, just a few minutes ago, I was trying to nap when I heard his voice. He was over here again.

 

I got up, went to my roommate and asked what the hell he was doing here. "Oh, we're going out for coffee." I can guarantee she wouldn't have told me if I hadn't gotten up and asked.

 

After promising me she wouldn't, I think she's falling for this guy. I am so hurt and feel so betrayed.

 

Does anyone have any advice for me on how to handle this? I have told her how much it bothers me.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Ouch - that's got to sting.

 

I'm sorry, how painful for you. But hand on heart - they're probably going to get together. He was upfront with you which was nice of him. She fancies him. I don't think you can ask them not to do anything - but of course it's really painful for you!

 

Maybe you just have to be graceful about it - ask your roommate to be sensitive, and not to hang out around you at the start. Who knows? If you say to them 'fine', it may fizzle out, because there is nothing like a bit of opposition to give romance a zing (look at romeo and juliet...!). And if it doesn't - well, then they do have something between them.

 

I'm sorry - you'll find some gorgeous bloke who is totally hot for you and you alone, and you're going to be so glad that you're not involved with someone like this guy, because you'll be free to romp off with him!!

 

Be nice to yourself/

[DN]

Let's project a few years down the road.

 

Suppose they were to fall in love, marry and have two fabulous kids and grow old together in a warm and nurturing relationship - absolute happiness for both of them.

 

Now suppose you had the power to deprive them of all of that.

 

Would you do it?

[jengh]

Oh, I forgot to mention that my roommate also has a boyfriend.

 

And the thing that bothers me most is she PROMISED she wouldn't go for him...

[flower99]

if DN senorio plays out...great, even amazing!

 

But on the other hand, for a best friend to do that to you...well that's pretty harsh!

There are better ways to go about it.

What she could have done, would be tell him...I do like you, but I value my friend more she's hurting & i should be there for her. And if they are meant to be it will be, maybe a week later or a month..whatever.

But out of coutesy, she could have given you a heads up, and let you know he was joining the get together. She hasn't been upfront with you, she's saying one thing to you & doing another.

Personally i couldn't be friends with a someone who couldn't talk to me about this, just be upfront. Honesty is important to me.

[flower99]

Oh, I forgot to mention that my roommate also has a boyfriend.

 

And the thing that bothers me most is she PROMISED she wouldn't go for him...

 

a boyfriend?? than what are her intentions with this guy?? why is she flirting with him? why is she going out with him when there is obviously an attraction? how is her bf feeling about this?

[jengh]

if DN senorio plays out...great!

 

But on the other hand, for a best friend to do that to you...well that's pretty harsh!

There are better ways to go about it.

What she could have done, would be tell him...I do like you, but I value my friend more she's hurting & i should be there for her. And if they are meant to be it will be, maybe a week later or a month..whatever.

But out of coutesy, she could have given you a heads up, and let you know he was joining the get together. She hasn't been upfront with you, she's saying one thing to you & doing another.

Personally i couldn't be friends with a someone who couldn't talk to me about this. Honesty is important to me.

 

Yeah, exactly. All she had to do was tell me. Not be deceitful.

I just thought I knew her better than that. We grew up together. We were neighbors for 15 years.

[jengh]

And her boyfriend has no idea, of course.

[flower99]

And her boyfriend has no idea, of course.

 

how long have they been together??? do you think she would have cheated on him?

[jengh]

how long have they been together??? do you think she would have cheated on him?

 

They will have been together a year on valentine's day.

She's cheated on him before, why wouldn't she do it again?

[flower99]

Yeah, exactly. All she had to do was tell me. Not be deceitful.

I just thought I knew her better than that. We grew up together. We were neighbors for 15 years.

 

Oh no...15 years.

Well you've got to talk to her. Tell her exactly that. All she had to do was to tell you that she was into him. And you would valued her honesty and not stood in the way of anything especailly her happiness.

But with her going against everything she told you, makes her words lies & was deceitful?? Talk to her

 

But one thing that looks like a warning sign to me... is her going behind her bf back! It shows you what she is capable of doing to people who trust her & care about her.

I am so sorry....the man is no loss, because of course there is a better man for you, one who loves you & cherishes you!! But seeing a bad side to what you felt was a close friend, I am sorry. hugs** talk to her, let her know how you're feeling & see what she says, go from there....

we are always here for you!

[flower99]

They will have been together a year on valentine's day.

She's cheated on him before, why wouldn't she do it again?

Exactly!

she doesn't seems to be a women of good character, morals or values.

[Sugarcube]

It seems like your room mate does not respect you or your emotions. I know you say she is your best friend, but do you really feel like she is your best friend? Because your best friend shouldn't be doing what she is doing.

 

I suggest you be very honest with her and talk to her. Especially because she is your roomate and you are living with her.

 

I had a smiliar situation. My roomate started to date my ex of three years and it was a mess. So avoid things now by being honest and talking to her.

[jengh]

thanks, flower... The guy just showed up to talk to me... he was a complete jerk about it. Saying how what little we had meant absolutely nothing to him. He said how I was acting like he was my possession. He said they were telling each other how much they liked one another. Then he wouldn't leave. I asked him, please just go away. He wouldn't. Kept badgering me. Finally, though he did leave. It was all I could do to keep from crying. So I called my friend and she said that is not what she said, she said she liked him as a friend. I dont know if she was sincere or not. Ughhhhh

[flower99]

thanks, flower... The guy just showed up to talk to me... he was a complete jerk about it. Saying how what little we had meant absolutely nothing to him. He said how I was acting like he was my possession. He said they were telling each other how much they liked one another. Then he wouldn't leave. I asked him, please just go away. He wouldn't. Kept badgering me. Finally, though he did leave. It was all I could do to keep from crying. So I called my friend and she said that is not what she said, she said she liked him as a friend. I dont know if she was sincere or not. Ughhhhh

 

First thing hun...Ignore everything he said about you, because you know he doesn't know the whole story. or even what's been bothering...which isn't him-it's your roommates actions.

 

Sweetie, Trust your gut. Of course she is not being sincere. She has proven her self to be a liar a number of times already. do you honestly think this guy is making it up? I doubt it. He may be an a$# but he's been honest. I doubt he even knows that she has a bf.

She was flirting with him in front of you, called him when she found out he liked her, hiding him from the bf....why? cause she wanted a 'friend'?.....She's lying to you. Trust your gut.

SugarCube is right. "seems like your room mate does not respect you or your emotions. I know you say she is your best friend, but do you really feel like she is your best friend? Because your best friend shouldn't be doing what she is doing"

She's not a good friend, from what I'm seeing (reading) she's not a good person.

[jengh]

I told him today that she has a "serious" boyfriend and loves him. I also told him that she doesn't like him. He seemed crushed. In a twisted way, it made me feel really good

[flower99]

I told him today that she has a "serious" boyfriend and loves him. I also told him that she doesn't like him. He seemed crushed. In a twisted way, it made me feel really good

lol

he hurt you, you hurt him back...it's not right, but I'm sure it did make you feel a bit better

 

You've still got the issue with your 'friend' Talk to her, be honest...hopefully (but unlikely) she will be honest too.

wish you happiness.

[jengh]

thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.