Get it back, discussion !!!!!!

[4answers]

Thoughts for discussion guys.

 

When you first meet someone, you do not know them, you have no history, no emotional connection. All you know is you find them attractive and like their personality. thereforeeee you act in a way that you like them, without thought to history, past issues or pain. You come accross as a happy person who is fun to know and be around. Attractive to the other person.

 

During the relationship, one person suffers negative rewarding experiences and there feelings change for the other. The end of the relationship.

 

The person who has been dumped then tries to get back the other person. However the feeling of the other person have changed, there emotional attachment and interest is now back to where it was before the two of you met.

 

So the dumpee, needs to be mindfull of this and emotionaly step back from the relationship (period of no contact). to the point where he was when he met the person and start a new relationship and be the person he was at the very beginning. If he aproaches trying to get back together, with anything other than a new relationship in mind it will only push the other person farther away.

 

Whats your thoughts guys.

[wishiknew]

i agree. the old relationship is dead and in the past. Tread carefully in trying to create a relationship because those old ghosts may come back to haunt you.

Thats what happens in the initial phase of most breakups when one person wants to get things back, go back to the way they were but sadly that almost never happens.

[Pisces_Princess]

It sounds simple in theory but in practice it is very difficult...

 

When everything is new it is a blank canvas that you are writing your story on. To go back you both have to be prepared to start afresh, but the canvas will never be blank again as you have a shared history. The dumpee may struggle to trust that person again and the dumper may look for clues that they have made a mistake going backwards.

 

However having said that my best friend very successfully reconciled her relationship after time apart. She was apart from her ex for over a year and had NC with him at all from when he broke up with her. That was in 2000 and they are now very happily married.

 

A lot depends on the circumstances and why you broke up in the first place.

 

I want my ex back, but I think for him it will be easier to move on eventually with somebody new where they can have a brand new blank canvas to write their history on...

[papalazarou]

 

A lot depends on the circumstances and why you broke up in the first place.

 

 

Absolutely. I mean there are some reasons why you shouldnt go back which would include things like abuse, infidelity etc. But sometimes it could just be 'familiarity' with the relationship or boredom.

 

In which case these are things that can be worked upon.

[frozenblaze]

What about an almost "perfect" relationship where the dumper only realizes that the love he(she) had was not what he(she) was seeking...