Dating After Divorce

[beerman]

I am in the middle of getting divorced after a 15 year marriage. The situation is a little odd in that we are both still living in the same house (per my attorney's advice). My soon to be ex informed me she was in love with the neighbor on December 14th and that she wanted a divorce. Needless to say, the Holiday's sucked. Anyway, she is carrying on with her new friend like an 8th grader (going out all the time, talking to him on the phone every night...) and I am struggling big time. I am really starting to feel really lonely. I have 11 year old twins which help keep me busy but during the down time it would be really nice to have some adult female company.

 

I don't have a lot of female friends to talk too and the last thing I want is some rebound romance. So, should I try to find a date or should I just suffer through this loneliness hoping things will improve? Any advice is welcome! Thanks!!!!!!!

[LostInMyThoughts]

Dating doesn't help with the lonliness I'm afraid (i've gone through a little bit of what you're enduring.)

 

I say this will 100% sincerity: get some buddies together and head over to a strip club. Seriously, nothing helps the lonliness go way like a few well done lapdances. You don't want to make it a habit, just something to do to blow off some steam, get your confidence back,a nd feeel like a man.

[robowarrior]

If i where you i would start reflecting on the things that you really value as important, i think that in terms of dating it might be as hard as finding a needle in a haystack. So you really have to find a gathering place for singles. Also how are your children dealing with it? Did you discuss the situation, how do they feel about all of this? I mean you could invite a woman in your life, but it also more or less needs to be nice for the kids, who may have substantial doubts on all what is going on.

 

thereforeeee what is important is that you find a wonderfull new wife, and not a horrible woman who ruins your life or is just after your money. Being alone isn't nice but it could create a reasonable stable situation, if you bring someone in your house , remember that person could bring baggage with them, so be very carefull what you bring into your house, you don't want more problems then you already have.

[markman]

Our stories are very similar with the only difference that my wife moved in with her boyfriend right away. Is there any way you can convince her to move in with the neighbor? I have also done the rebound girlfriend and it did not do me well. My advice is to stay away from all romances until you are divorced and everything has settled. I think that women who would date someone in your (or my) situation have their own sets of problems and should be avoided in the first place.

[Captain34]

now i have never been married and am far from being a father, but my advice:

 

stick it out and be the bigger man for now. as much as it probably tears you up to see her behavior, let it go. focus your time in the home with your children and be the strong parental influence they need. i agree with some of the above advice to still get some of your kicks, but I would keep it out of your home and leave your ex no clues as to what you are up to.

 

why did your attorney advise that you remain in your home? i would assume that it would help you down the road in terms of a custody battle...

[heloladies21]

If you desire the female companionship, I'm not sure why you would deny yourself. My opinion, the best thing you could do would be to get out there and have some other things to occupy your time, especially in this area which is being affected so harshly.

 

There is nothing wrong with you talking to other women at this point. Your old relationship is over, and as soon as you start the process of moving on, the better.

[beerman]

Hi Guys - Thanks for all your input!!

 

LostInMyThoughts - There is a strip club that I haven't been to in the area. Might have to give that a try. Might be fun!

 

Robo - The kids are handling this way better than I am. They are being so level-headed it is frightening. I keep waiting for one of them to have a bad moment and it just doesn't happen, which is a good thing. At this point I am not looking for a new wife - just someone to have dinner and drinks with.

 

Markman - She can't move in with the neighbor due to the fact that the neighbor had to go live with mommy and him mommy is very unhappy that he tore apart two families (she is a good woman!!! : ) Part of me agrees with you in terms of steering clear.

 

Captain - you are right on with the custody thing. I want joint custody. I am not having too much trouble being the bigger person right now, she is making that really easy. : )