The most tasteful way to give back stuff..

[CareBear53187]

I was just wondering, what is the best way to give back stuff? I have so many sweatshirts and T-shirts...and I do NOT want to break nc. my situation is that my ex boyfriend lives an hour away from my house, and 3 hours away from my school...so either way, i would have to make a drive to drop it off. There is a possibility that ill be visitin my friend at his school sometime this semester, so would then be a good time to just drop it off in front of his dorm room? I reallyyyy dont want to contact him before doing so-but do i have to? Or should i maybe just wait until the end of the semester, so that i dont do it with any subconscious motives? haha sorry that im hashing through all the possibilities. I just want to do the best thing that will make me appear the most in control, and also make me feel in control. so...any ideas?

 

ps i love you all you keep me sane.

[annie24]

mail it in a big box.

[onelittleladybug]

Yup I agree. Mail it.

[CareBear53187]

really? it would cost so much money it would be a HUGE box-you dont think that would look like i took too much effort?

[vandgsmom]

I know the drive is long, but just pick a time and drop it off at his dorm with a note on top saying who it is for. Don't make a big deal and don't check to see if he got it, just walk away.

 

Or grab someone in the parking lot and offer them $10 to carry it to his dorm for you, say you are in a rush or something... That way there is NO chance you will run into him.

[poloplayer]

Hi,

 

1. Fold the clothes

2. Collect all other personals

3. Place them all neatly in a box

4. Write a note - very, very brief

5. Drive to his house with a friend. If you don't want to walk up to the door to drop it off, then sit in the car and your friend will do it.

 

I had an ex do this to me before. When I took the box and saw how neatly all my clothes were folded (and just washed), how everything was arranged, and the brief note, it just made me feel like crap. Had she never returned it, or just tossed it all over the place then it would fuel my negative convictions about her. Instead, they evaporated and I was left with remorse...even all that we went through near the end, the way she returned my belongings spoke volumes about her.

[annie24]

I think driving out there and back is a LOT more effort that throwing everything into a box and taking it down to the post office. even if it is $10-20. I think spending that money (the equivalent of 2 drinks) is nothing compared to wasting an afternoon of your life to give back stuff.

[renaissancewoman101]

I like poloplayer's way of doing it. It shows a lot of class and consideration, esp after one has been dumped surreptitiously. It may also make the ex think twice about what happened.

[Weeblie]

Maybe I'm selfish, but I'd just throw it out. Or tape it up in a box, hide it somewhere and forget about it.

 

Since they knew they were going to break up with you...they should've collected their stuff before leaving.

[poloplayer]

Hi again,

 

I don't think your selfish Weeblie. renaissancewoman101 provided the words that my post was missing:

 

shows a lot of class and consideration, esp after one has been dumped surreptitiously

 

You might feel like just tossing it all over the street or in the dumpster, but down the road when you are over the hurt I at least would feel very good about myself that I handled it in such a dignified manner. Though it's over, I still treated the other person with respect to the very last step of the end with the exchange of items, and I can sleep well on that.

[Weeblie]

Kudos to you for being able to take the high road Poloplayer. I think that's very admirable.

 

But I must say that after I've gotten over the hurt, I don't regret that I own a fancy schmancy autographed book, an awesome cd collection, and an ugly hoodie. Ok maybe I could do without the hoodie, it's way too big.

 

[harmonious]

I'm mailing a box of stuff to my ex this week. even if it costs a bit to mail it all, wouldn't it cost more to drive 3 hours there and 3 hours back to deliver it?

[onelittleladybug]

I just mailed the rest of my exes stuff to him and got a delivery receipt to make sure I cant call him to ask him if he got the stuff. I'm the worried type and its sometimes a convenient way to lie to myself.

 

I haven't read all your posts so I don't totally know whats going on but if you are in nc then I would send it rather than drop it off yourself. You asked if that wouldn't look like too much effort - I would say that driving all the way over there with a box is a lot more effort than dropping it off at the post office. And no - even if its a big box its not that expensive.

[i2oadi2unnei2]

I did something similar to polor's post:

 

1. Washed and Dried all fabric related items

2. Folded them all

2. Collect all other personals

3. Place them all neatly in a bag

4. No note written, but sent an email instead

5. I knew her work hours so I drove to her house during my lunch break and dropped it off neatly at her

 

 

Then I got a bit of nasty gram email several hours later, but that's another story... I was civil, unlike her first marriage where he threw all her stuff out into the garage and told her to come and get her stuff!