Always fighting these days...

[LovinIt]

I feel so frustrated. It seems like my boyfriend and I have been hitting a really rough patch in our relationship. He sayes I am always mad at him, which I feel like most of the time I am, because I think hes insensitive, and a bit of a jerk at times.

I dont even know where to start. We have been together for about a year now. I know why I am always mad at him. I feel as if he doesnt respect me at times, he isnt there for me when I need him, and overall I feel as if I didnt put up with some of the stuff he does, that him and I would not be together anymore. It is hard to be in a relationship like that, where one person feels like they are holding it together.

I am tired of fighting with him. How can we get back on the right track?? Im always mad at him, hes alwyas disappoiting me. AM i to hard to please, or is he just insensitive? I dont know which one it is, maybe a little bit of both. I really want to make it work. I guess I just needed to vent. Can anyone tell me if this relationship is salvable. How do we stop fighting.

 

I have read similiar posts and gotten a little more of an idea of why Im so frustrated. I feel like he is always making me out to be so sensitive, so mad all the time, so jealous, so....everything. Nothing is ever really his fault. He is driving me crazy. How do you know when its you, or him? How do I know if I'm the one with the problem. He told me tonight that one day I'm gonna have to be a big girl.....what the hell is that! I dont know if I can be with this man anymore. It's so good when its good.....I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want him out of my life, but I cant keep going like this. Advice please!!

[cordelia]

I can totally relate! I broke up with my b/f in November right at the one year mark for pretty much the same reasons. I was getting pissed off at him all the time because he wasn't fullfilling my needs. And he was never willing to even compromise or change just a little! It drove me insane and after a year I couldn't stand it anymore.

I know exactly how you feel when you say "its soo good when its good" but the part the sucks is that's not enough. If he's not willing to compromise and listen to what you are saying AT ALL, then there's no point. You guys will end up breaking up anyways. So you need to put your foot down now!

[DN]

It is reasonable to expect that a partner will help and support you to an extent. But sometimes that expectation can go beyond what is reasonable and the partner starts to feel as if they are more of a counsellor, sounding board or supportive friend than a romantic lover.

 

So - you must decide if you are being reasonable or not. But while deciding remember that putting the responsibility on a partner to meet your 'needs' can become annoying and draining. People don't want to be responsible for someone else's happiness. That is your responsibility - they are just responsible for not causing you unhappiness and that is not the same thing.

[anggrace]

I think at times you can be in so deep that its hard to find the root of the problem. When you argue, do you find yourself saying the same things every time? After a while its hard to see clearly because you are just so frustrated.

 

I personally think at times like these a therapist is an option. If you both really want to make it work, it might be helpfull in sorting things out.

 

If you feel that it may possibly be your problem, you should go alone first.

 

I understand that people have mixed feelings about therapists, but that has to do with there own personal experiences. There are good ones out there that can be really helpfull in helping you understand.

 

Good luck!

[Daligal83]

When he does something that upsets you, how are you voicing that to him? You have to be careful and see if you are making complaints, or flat out criticising him. A complaint is specific, like "I feel upset when you did so and so." A criticism is "You never respect me and how I feel." When someone is criticized, they will get defensive. While it is important that he treats you well, he's not going to change anything if he feels criticized.