Being gay isn't just about loving someone of the same sex

[lizzie5]

Ok, basically Im 21 and Ive known I have feelings for women for years, like even since I was about 9! At first I found it difficult to come to terms with liking women, but as I get older I really think that it isn't being attracted to the same sex that bothers me, it's what comes with being gay. Im not homophobic in the slightest and I have tonnes of gay friends (male and female) so I really dont have a problem with the fact I like women.. everyone Ive told has been really supportive and although I havent told my parents yet I trully believe they will be there for me 100% and for that Im so lucky. So I wonder, why haven't I told them..? Why are there still some of my friends that I still haven't told?

 

I think it is because although I can accept in myself I love women, I am just finding it sooo difficult to accept that by loving women it means my there are many things in my life that will be a lot harder and things that I won't be able to do. It sounds really pathetic, I know that everyone who is gay has to go through the same thoughts and feelings, I dont know why I find it so hard!

 

Where I live I am lucky enough that there is a gay night put on once a month, but I have been quite a lot of times and I just really DONT enjoy it that much! I have also been to other gay clubs and for some reason I just dont enjoy the 'scene'. I know it is a generalisation but in the places I have been it just seemed to be like a meat market! Rather than feel comfortable in the clubs I felt intimidated.. perhaps it is because 90% of the time I am in "straight" clubs where I go out presuming it will be very unlikely I will meet someone, so in a gay club I suddenly feel exposed and like I should definatly find a girlfriend which I know is unrealistic, particularly as Im pretty shy and like to get to know someone before 'dating' them.

 

I guess I just see being gay as simply not loving people of the same sex, but as a completely life altering situation, and for me to except it fully is for me to accept that some things in life won't be as straightforward (such as finding a partner).

 

Huh, I dont really know why I wrote this, guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and hear peoples opinions... am I over-reacting??

 

Thanks for reading!

[cc2006]

I guess I just see being gay as simply not loving people of the same sex, but as a completely life altering situation, and for me to except it fully is for me to accept that some things in life won't be as straightforward (such as finding a partner).

 

Huh, I dont really know why I wrote this, guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and hear peoples opinions... am I over-reacting??

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Silly for me to say, but, thats why being homosexual is always referred to as a "life style". You're right ... it is more than just your sexual preference ... BUT ... you don't have to let it define who you are. Don't worry about it ... don't stress over it and/or the parts of life that may be 'harder' because of who you are.

 

To be honest, ALL of us in life are going to run into situations that are difficult. Many of us are going to collide with society in one form or another. All of us have little bits of ourselves that make us "odd" or "different" or "a minority" and make things just a tiny bit harder on us.

 

 

- Very religious people will have a problem finding partners sometimes because it limits them. Other times it is easy to find someone (if they look in the right place).

 

- Those who are athiest or agnostic can have problems finding someone because of the same reasons.

 

- Some of us are liberal, others conservative.

 

- Some people have disabilities that could turn some people away.

 

 

Thing is .. you're you .. and as long as you try hard to always be true to who you are you'll do fine.

 

Funny you say the "gay nights" feel like a meat market. I know quite a few times I've gone out to 'straight' bars I've felt the same way. I think we all feel like we're on display. I'm usually the good-for-you piece of meat in the corner of the butcher shop that no one looks at because there are other 'flashier' pieces of meat in the front of the store. No one picks me up, or looks at my pricetag and notices I'm not super-expensive, or moldy and bad for you.

 

 

 

Anyway, don't mentally limit yourself. You aren't any different than an exact copy of yourself who would rather sleep with men ... and other than having children 'the natural way' I can't really think of a single thing you can't do that a hetero version of yourself could. Science has come far enough that if you really want to bite the bullet and suffer the pain to have a child there ways it can be done.

 

Heck, you're in the UK right? .. you're in a much better area to be accepted for whom you are compared to us over here in the US.

 

Hang in there and smile ... you accept who you are, so everyone else will too.

[Dara]

The part about feeling like you are at a meat market:

As a straight woman I feel the same way in bars. I think a lot of straight girls feel that way too. Maybe, like me, you would prefer to meet some one in a less aggressive and intimidating senario.

[lizzie5]

Thanks guys you're right, thanks for being so understanding I know my thread is a bit "woe me!"

Yeah I am definatly lucky to live in the UK, really I am very lucky with the people I know and the fact that there are a lot of options available for gay people compared to elsewhere.

 

Thanks for your comments back, I think I just need a bit of a kick up the bum and not be so dramatic about it all, everyone has hard times in life!!