lizzie5

Thanks guys you're right, thanks for being so understanding I know my thread is a bit "woe me!" Yeah I am definatly lucky to live in the UK, really I am very lucky with the people I know and the fact that there are a lot of options available for gay people compared to elsewhere. Thanks for your comments back, I think I just need a bit of a kick up the bum and not be so dramatic about it all, everyone has hard times in life!!

Ok, basically Im 21 and Ive known I have feelings for women for years, like even since I was about 9! At first I found it difficult to come to terms with liking women, but as I get older I really think that it isn't being attracted to the same sex that bothers me, it's what comes with being gay. Im not homophobic in the slightest and I have tonnes of gay friends (male and female) so I really dont have a problem with the fact I like women.. everyone Ive told has been really supportive and although I havent told my parents yet I trully believe they will be there for me 100% and for that Im so lucky. So I wonder, why haven't I told them..? Why are there still some of my friends that I still haven't told? I think it is because although I can accept in myself I love women, I am just finding it sooo difficult to accept that by loving women it means my there are many things in my life that will be a lot harder and things that I won't be able to do. It sounds really pathetic, I know that everyone who is gay has to go through the same thoughts and feelings, I dont know why I find it so hard! Where I live I am lucky enough that there is a gay night put on once a month, but I have been quite a lot of times and I just really DONT enjoy it that much! I have also been to other gay clubs and for some reason I just dont enjoy the 'scene'. I know it is a generalisation but in the places I have been it just seemed to be like a meat market! Rather than feel comfortable in the clubs I felt intimidated.. perhaps it is because 90% of the time I am in "straight" clubs where I go out presuming it will be very unlikely I will meet someone, so in a gay club I suddenly feel exposed and like I should definatly find a girlfriend which I know is unrealistic, particularly as Im pretty shy and like to get to know someone before 'dating' them. I guess I just see being gay as simply not loving people of the same sex, but as a completely life altering situation, and for me to except it fully is for me to accept that some things in life won't be as straightforward (such as finding a partner). Huh, I dont really know why I wrote this, guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and hear peoples opinions... am I over-reacting?? Thanks for reading!