Just beginning a LDR

[sisterb]

First time. Always been close geographically to my loves. Once right next door. That didn't last long. my current moved to germany for a one-year project with the firm he works with. Could be longer. He doesn't know.

 

I'm really torn over this one. so much so i decided to seek online help. I thought this was the one, but know such a distance could change everything. I don't resent his going. He'd talked about from the very beginning.

 

Biggest problem really. Money. I'm really afraid I don't have the resources to keep close. I can't afford to visit any time soon. He said he might be able to help me, but i don't want that.

 

Huge phone bills, etc. I want to talk to him everyday.

 

I'm afraid if i don't get some advice i might start to resent the situation for presenting so many intractable problems.

 

So i'm just looking for advise. Thanks.

[Dako]

A year is a short enough time if you have a good bond with him.

 

You can find other methods of connecting. The internet, photos, webcams and all that are quite cheap. Sharing daily details may seem dull when you wanna just hold his hand, but unless you can find enough closeness from afar, you may be in for a rough time.

You could read a book together and discuss it, share recipes or go online and get blazing drunk together.

Send him your underwear and a handwritten letter, and dream up something else...

[sisterb]

i can't imagine keeping close online. but that's good advice. but hearing someone's voice daily is so important to me. i mean i know THAT's not possible, daily chats on the phone. i'm so used to talking to him on the phone throughout the day and then seeing him in person as well.

 

i don't know anything about webcams. heard of them of course. that would be like video conferencing for the masses?

 

i know i'm probably stressing out needlessly.

[Daligal83]

There's a service called Skype that allows you to chat through the computer using microphones. I believe it's free and you just have to download the software and have the microphone, so you might be able to talk to him more than you think.

 

Webcams are great. My boyfriend and I haven't used them because last semester we were able to see each other every 3 weeks or so. My sister and her now husband used them when they were apart and they really found them to be helpful. We also use them as a family to see my nieces. I love it.

[sisterb]

Skype? Never heard of that. that's interesting. i have to look into that. i looked into webcams and it seems you have to invest a fair amount on hardware.

[Dako]

Webcams are cheap enough.

[sisterb]

I looked up skype. sounds like another thing I'd have to go out a buy things to get set-up. i'm a little computer awkward. could be good over the long term though. as far as webcams go, i guess cheap is a matter of perspective. it might a fun solution though to look into. to talk face to face.

 

 

i found link removed while looking for skype. their kinda like those international calling cards you see in convenience stores but do not seem so "fly-by-night." i found a few reviews where customers seemed to like them a lot. they advertise 3 cents a min to germany. so a 10 minute call would cost 30 cents. right?

 

any LDRers use this?

[sisterb]

i feel a lot better. been checking out webcams. there are some cheap ones. not sure yet how that all works but i'll figure it out.

 

not sure i'm going to use skype when onesuite looks really easy and i can just use my the phone and has a lot of neat extras to that make it look simple to use. can't believe i didn't know real companies could allow you to call from any where and not have to use the regular phone companies. at least i'm certain now we'll be able to communicate without blowing the bank.

 

thanks for the advice on how to keep in touch. we've been emailing until now. really sucked. feel so much better.

[Daligal83]

That service does sound great. I've never used Skype, but know that some friends have. I'm glad you found something though and that you feel better! I'm in an LDR too, although nowhere near as great of a distance as you guys, but if you ever want to talk about it feel free to PM me

[sisterb]

thanks a lot. i just keep telling myself that this is what he wanted to do all along and that if you relationship is up to the challenge it'll just make it stronger. i'll keep you all updated.

[Joneysnai]

Hi there, I'm new to this board and all I can tell you is having a LD relationship is hard but it really isn't all that bad as far as communication goes.

 

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and we have a VERY LONG distance relationship. He lives in Sweden and I live in the USA.

 

We talk to each other every day by using Skype. It's an internet telephone and when we are not talking on there we chat over MSN Messenger. When we are not chatting on MSN Messenger we send text messages to eachother. This doesn't cost us any money at all and the only exception that does cost alot of money is the text messaging but we don't do it that much.

 

If you want to make a LD relationship work, communication is everything. You're not there with him and neither is he here with you and the only way you feel apart of each other's lives is by staying in touch!

[sisterb]

between email and phone calls (i'm so thankful we can talk just about everyday) the first month has gone pretty well. we're talking about me flying to see him in the fall. he said he'd help me with the cost of getting out there (and I'm starting to become more OK with that.) so things are looking up.

 

of course, he had to tell how much he liked it. i want him to like it, but not too much. oh aren't relationships fun.

[sisterb]

Hi Joneysnai. I didn't notice your post until after I posted. Thanks you so much for the reply and heartfelt support. I sounds like we're pretty much in the same boat. How long will he be in Sweden? Or perhaps he's swedish.

 

I'm getting the feeling i'm in for more than a year. He really seems to like it and has mentioned it more than once (I think to prepare me for when he extends his stay. maybe i should start learning german. ha ha.)

 

You're right communicaiton is everything. i'm so glad i found onesuite. i'll have to look more into skype, except i got the feeling i couldn't use the phone i have with it. what's so great about onesuite is that it's far cheaper and i don't have to change anything except the way i dial.

 

i need to set up a chat account too. i've known about it but never tried it. thanks for reminding me.

[saberman3000]

Some best Programs are as follows.

 

Skype, Yahoo Messanger, Google Talk, MSN Messanger...all have voice chatting.

 

Skype, Yahoo and MSN have Video although I like Skype the best.

[Joneysnai]

hi there! he is swedish. he just left to go on vacation for two months with his friends and i'm having a really hard time coping with this but we will see how it goes. i only use skype and msn messenger. with skype all u need is a microphone and that's it. when do u plan on going to visit him, have u guys talked about that yet?

[insofar]

sisterb: Look into Voice Over IP phone service. Especially in California, you could probably find some with unlimited long distance to Europe, and you might actually end up paying less than your current phone service (you may even be able to keep the number). Do you already have a broadband internet connection? If so, your ISP might offer it. And they should work with your current handsets. Check out link removed for a nationwide VOIP network, they're about midrange in price.

 

And yeah, you can get a webcam for like $20 - $30 now, and a microphone from $10. Video chat and voice chat are offered through all the major instant messaging services, link removed (my personal recommendation), link removed, link removed, and link removed.

 

In general, long distance relationships are much more possible nowadays. Whether or not it's for you guys is up to you, but don't get discouraged.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Remember, with Skype, computer to computer is free - so if he's got a laptop hooked up, all you need is a mic.

[sol]

hello sisterb, something similar happened to me, and now I´m living in germany with him!hehee! Now you´ve heard about skype and all that. I have also used that for a long time and it works. If you´re interested in reading cientific articles and analitical studies about long distance relationships i can recommend you this site, from one of my friends

 

bye for now and good luck!

Sol