After coming out....

[adoracion]

After coming out to someone you love dearly, how did you feel? Did you feel releived, ashamed, awkward, happy? Have those feelings changed over time?

 

Last night, I told my sister about my love for another woman . It went over very well . I'm still her sister no matter what . It was a serious issue, but I look back and laugh at times. I thought I'd feel awkward, but I don't anymore. A tiny part of me regretted doing it, but I'm ok now. For the most part, I am happy I shared my secret with her. A major mountain was lifted off my chest.

 

Did your loved one begin to treat you different? I know my sis will always love me, I just don't want her to get the idea that every woman I have around is a love interest.

 

Please feel free to share your experiences.

 

 

Thanks in advance!!!

 

Adoracion

[nadine_3110]

One of my best friends came out to me and it didn't really change anything, well it did, it made me understand gay and lesbian ppl better. Now we can talk about boys together, it's really awesome. It's not a freaking disease, it's just who they are. He's still one my best friends no matter who he's attracted too.

[Clementine orange]

A friend of mine "came out" to me a while back. My response "what on earth took you so long to make it official - we all figured out that was the case ages ago" - no big deal dude - any lovin' is good lovin' ".

I was supportive but also a little insulted that he didn't know me better (that I would be OK with it) and tell me ages ago.

Then again, maybe he was just practicing his speech on me before telling others who might not be so cool with it.

[LONESOUL]

I told my sister when I turned 21. I was nervous, she was great.

We allot of years between us (I am the Baby)

I have never regretted it~I doubt I would have even if she had

not taken it well.

[Makedamnsure]

Oh man, I'm planning on doing it this weekend, and I'm absolutely terrified! I feel like I need to get this off my chest though, cause it's starting to really affect my life, I can't even concentrate in school anymore. I just hope that I don't wimp out, and if I do manage to do it I really hope I don't end up regretting it!

[tellmebaby]

when i came out i came out to my older sister first, and one of my best friends. My sister had already been out for 6 years, so she was accepting, excited and happy when i told her...LOL.... she cant wait to take me to clubs when im old enough..haha. My best friend was fine with it too when i told her, and we got a lot closer. Having them be okay with it made me feel alot better to come out to other people i was close to in my life,i didn't feel awkward, i felt i could finally be myself and more honest.

 

When i did finally come out to tothers, they were fine with it. The only really sad and unfortunate thing was that, I told another one of my best friends, and she started to not hang out with me so much, it made me realize she wasn't that great of friend and I found out who really cares about me and accepts me, so its all good.

[adoracion]

Just an update. I'm glad I told my sister. It's no big deal and everything is normal. I lifted this load and our relationship seems to be the same as it was before I told her. I do think she's happy I confided in her as I tend to not let her in on my thoughts.

 

That saying "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not" makes so much sense. Slowly but surely I'm trying to embrace that. My sister even echoed that in our conversation.

 

Tellmebaby, I think that I will really see who loves me for who I am if I feel the need to tell everyone.

 

Makedamnsure, I know exactly how you feel. I think you'll feel so much better once the load has been lifted and you've shared this part of your life with someone. I didn't plan to tell my sister, but we just got on the subject of homosexuality and I just began to tell her more and more until I got it out in the open.

 

If you can't do it this weekend, don't stress it. Do it when you feel you're ready. I wish you the best! Let us know how it goes!

 

Thank you everyone for your responses!

[coffeeformylover]

Since I have been coming out there have been several people that I was close to that pushed me away from their lives. At the same time, though, there have been a lot of my friends that are still there for me. One thing about coming out is you get to see who is really with you and who isn't. When you come out to more people, try not to get upset at the ones that don't accept you for who you are. My parents don't accept me for who I am, and even though it is hard, I am learning that I have to deal with it. Sometimes it is the people that you are the closest to that turn out to not love you unconditionally. There are some people that I wasn't very close to before I came out that I am really close to now. You never know who could be your next best friend.

[Nova Phoenix]

I haven't come out - not sure I want to really. Sorry, I just don't think my parents or family would understand.

[Deviant_Kate]

I haven't come out - not sure I want to really. Sorry, I just don't think my parents or family would understand.

 

Hey, don't apologize to us! They're your family and you know them better than we do. You have to do what's best for yourself in life, and if telling them would make them treat you differently, then I can totally understand you not wanting to come out.

 

My girlfriend's opinion on the subject was "It's not like they need to know about my sex life anyway. I wouldn't tell them about ANY relationship, gay or straight, unless it was serious." She didn't come out to her parents until we'd been together for about six months and she knew she was in love with me. Her mom got a little teary-eyed at first, but they'd already gotten to know me, and now I'm part of the family. Even her grandparents (on both sides) give me Christmas gifts.

[FoxLocke]

Did you feel releived, ashamed, awkward, happy? Have those feelings changed over time?

 

All of the above for me. I felt a tremendous sense of relief when I was able to say it out loud for the first time. Through the years I dealt with severe stress and anxiety simply because of "the closet". And I was still dealing with the overwhelming sense of shame(because I was just getting out of the whole "My sexuality is a sin" mode). Awkwardness immediately moved into mine and my mother's relationship for a time, due to her own insecurities.

It is really hard coming out(unless you come from a liberal upbringing) because people see you as one thing for years; but the moment you open up about that part of your life they begin to see you as a label. But Happiness has FINALLY factored in for me. It took tons of therapy and support groups, but they worked. For all people on the cusp of coming out it does get better.

 

Coming out is the litmus test for all GLBT people. And it is a neverending process. Until being gay in our society becomes "normal" then you'll always have to come out, so to speak.

[SevenDeadlySins]

Good for you for coming out =D

 

I came out as bi not too long ago to my best friend and all of my close friends. I was scared, a little ashamed and kind of relieved. But my best friend is so cool and we talk about it all the time. I thought it would be awkward hanging around with them and talking to them about it, but it's normal... nothing's really changed. Except i have way more crushes than i used to lol =D

[Makedamnsure]

I haven't come out - not sure I want to really. Sorry, I just don't think my parents or family would understand.

 

I feel the same way. That's why my family will be the last people to know, if they do ever find out I have a feeling they will eventually have to find out though, but I'll wait until I'm completely self dependent

[adoracion]

I feel the same way. That's why my family will be the last people to know, if they do ever find out I have a feeling they will eventually have to find out though, but I'll wait until I'm completely self dependent

 

I can understand how you feel on this one. For now, I'm content with just letting my sister know. Besides, I'm still in the process of figuring things out about myself. I'm not too eager to tell my father I'm bi. I know he would be crushed, but if I found myself in a serious relationship with a woman I would tell him if things were going well.

 

Hey, don't apologize to us! They're your family and you know them better than we do. You have to do what's best for yourself in life, and if telling them would make them treat you differently, then I can totally understand you not wanting to come out.

 

I agree with you on this one.

 

My girlfriend's opinion on the subject was "It's not like they need to know about my sex life anyway. I wouldn't tell them about ANY relationship, gay or straight, unless it was serious." She didn't come out to her parents until we'd been together for about six months and she knew she was in love with me. Her mom got a little teary-eyed at first, but they'd already gotten to know me, and now I'm part of the family. Even her grandparents (on both sides) give me Christmas gifts.

 

I don't really talk about my sex life to most family and friends so I also don't think that a female lover should be any different. I agree with your girlfriend. I'm glad that her family embraces you. They seem like nice people.

[adoracion]

...FoxLocke, I recall reading a few of your posts about coming out to your mother and the reaction of certain family members. I know you were going through a tough time...especially with your brothers. It's nice to hear that you are finally happy!

[Deviant_Kate]

I don't really talk about my sex life to most family and friends so I also don't think that a female lover should be any different. I agree with your girlfriend. I'm glad that her family embraces you. They seem like nice people.

 

They're great. They were upset that I didn't let them know my birthday was coming up, because they felt terrible for not getting me anything. They treat me better than my own family does - Which is not to say that my family has a problem with me having a girlfriend. My family doesn't seem to care that I'm with a girl, and they all seem to adore my girlfriend. They're just treat me terribly in most other aspects