My girlfriend's father strangles her.

[Gwan]

Hey all, I need help.

 

Last night my girlfriend told me about her home life. It's horrible. As a child her father used to put her on the table and continuously beat her body as she'd cry out to her mother for help but to no avail. Another time her father barged into her room, beat her accross the head, threw her on her bed and strangled her. She still is beaten every now and then at 18 now.

 

Now, I don't make a habbit of barging into people's personal affairs, but this? No I'm sorry, this needs attention. She balls her eyes out talking to me about it. I've never seen a face so full of tears. Unfortunately, action that is anything but passive will only make things worse, plus I've never met her father. What am I to do? Call the police? Call a woman's refuge?

 

Thanks to all who reads.

[rocio]

She's 18. Does she have plans to move out soon?

 

If you go to the police and she's still living at home, it will likely make her father angry and could put her in danger.

 

I'm no expert on this topic, but my instict would be to support her in moving out on her own (I wouldn't even tell her family where she is living, for her own safety), and then encourage her to go to the police and get this man the help and punishment he deserves.

[Budman]

Well maybe getting the police involved to assist with the move would be a good idea? try going to a woman's refuge for tips on help on how to get her out.

 

[BellaDonna]

Do not contact the police without talking to her about it first.

 

Your best bet is to be an advocate and support system for her, but do not try to force her into anything. As others have mentioned you could put her in more physical danger if you make the wrong move.

 

SHE has to want to get out of the abusive situation in order for her to make progress. If you research domestic violence resources in your area, you can share this information with her and try to give her a gentle nudge in the right direction. If she has your support, she may feel braver and stronger to get out of there.

 

BellaDonna

[musicguy]

Her dad needs to go to jail. I, like a lot of people, are against abuse and something should be done about it. As previsouly stated, she needs to go to the police. Be there for her and support any actions she takes toward recover y and ask her about getting some help too.

[arwen]

I agree with Bella. I had a friend in an abusive relationship a few years ago- I had to take a breath sometimes but it simply was more effective to be her friend and let HER take the action necessary to get out of the situation. She has divorced him now, and is gradually getting her life back together. Maybe it's good to do what Bella suggested, find the information she needs in case she starts to make plans herself. Meanwhile, you two are near the point where you leave home for college/uni-- maybe it's best to find out what her plans are. She already told you she is being abused, so I think she won't be planning to stick around at home. Maybe you can discuss the plans for the future?

 

Arwen

[Gwan]

Thanks guys, much appreciated. =)

 

Yes it's like I said originally, action other than passive would make things worse. She has told me that he denies ever doing this stuff when she tries to bring it up, as does her mother. Her parents want her to have a car before she moves out, and if she doesn't obey them, she'd leave home 'on a bad foot' so to speak, which she doesn't want. They believe that as long as she's under their roof, it's their rules with zero negotiation.

 

I've been hesitating over moving up to Perth to study lately, but after her telling me she'd move in with me, I feel like doing it just to get her out of that house. I'm horribly worried about her...

 

Thanks again for the advice, guys.

[DinkyTeacup]

She's 18. Does she have plans to move out soon?

 

If you go to the police and she's still living at home, it will likely make her father angry and could put her in danger.

 

I'm no expert on this topic, but my instict would be to support her in moving out on her own (I wouldn't even tell her family where she is living, for her own safety), and then encourage her to go to the police and get this man the help and punishment he deserves.

 

I agree with hazey_amber 100%!!

[luvingxsomeonexspecial]

your girlfriend shouldn't have to go through that. maybe suggest to her that she moves in with you and then call the police. she has to get out of there before anything worse happens

xx

[Dracia]

The police may be one option, but if her father chooses to plead not guilty, then she will have to go through telling a courtroom about all of it. Plus, seeing as a lot of it went on when she was a child, there wouldn't be any evidence of it.

 

This may sound weird, but if she chooses to go to the police, and they need evidence (they might not though) she would maybe have to set up a video camera, or a tape recorder somewhere in her room to record what goes on. Of course, it is a weird idea as I said before, but it may be one way to get the court to believe her. However, that would mean having her go through more abuse.

 

I think the best option would be to help her move out. Is it possible she can move in with you? A woman's refuge may also be a good idea if they can maybe provide a safe house, or at least somewhere for her to sleep.