Home is with him now

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hey all,

 

I live 300 miles away roughly from my boyfriend. He lives in London and I try and visit him whenever I can. Although I am 17 years old and because only one parent has a wage coming in, I'm very limited as to when I can see him.

 

I got back from London yesterday after spending 10 days with him for the holidays and at the moment I feel really lost and alone. I didn't want to come home because I hate my life in my home town. I don't enjoy College that much, my parents are constantly on my case about something or other and I have lost touch with my friends now that they have gone to other Colleges.

 

It's actually scary but if he wasn't apart of my life I would have nothing.

 

I'm 18 in March so I will be classed as an adult then, I was thinking of dropping my current courses at College in the summer and moving to London. I just don't feel any motivation or enthusiasm at College to want to stay on anymore.

 

So I was thinking of moving in with my boyfriend and doing an ICS course in photogaphy which is a big interest of mine. Eventually it will give me a qualification for university.

 

For those who aren't familiar with ICS it's a course you can buy and you study it at home in your own time at your own pace. My other half thinks it's a great idea but I would have to pay rent of course for his mum to keep me as well.

 

I just want to get away from here. My parents have not made me feel welcome at all ince I have been at home. My mum said she resents me living here and that it was much nicer when I was away. It's not exactly what you want to hear when you're hurting from being apart from a loved one.

 

My mum even said she is close to hitting me because I'm in the way and because I have put a wash load on.

 

I just want out but I want it for my best interest as well as being in atown were I'm cared about. So what do you all think? I really need some advice.

 

Thanks for reading,

 

Miya x

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

How are you and your boyfriend going to support yourselves financially?

 

I'm concerned because...at no point should one person be your entire life. Such thinking can only end very badly. And leaving your family etc will leave nothing resolved. It'll eat and eat at you.

 

I admire you for realising "I'm unhappy, so I'll change it/move". Thats fair enough. But your college...I do an A Level with ICS, and I have nothing against it, but you have to be incredibly motivated etc to do well at that kind of thing, are you sure you are currently not too bogged down with sadness that must be resolved at the moment?

 

Who'll pay for it, as well? My course is £300...

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hey,

 

Well the course I'm doing is £250 and I have money saved from chistmas and birthdays etc ...

 

I would feel so much more motivation for doing a subject that I want to study. I did photography in year 10 and I loved it. I got a B for it so I was pleased and eventually my dad saw that I was good and bought me a digital camera and gives me his old ones when he buys new ones.

 

I would get a job when I'm in London. I'm going down at summer to visit him so I would look for job then to support myself. It would only be for a year or so ... I have a fair few friends in London other than my other half.

 

I would be going to uni eventually so I wouldn't be living with his mum and him for long. I am pretty sad with everything and I was sad with life before I met my boyfriend he was just an upside to my life.

 

As for my parents I think it would make them appeciate me more as they did my elders when they left home.

 

I just want a change.

 

Miya x

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

AntiLove SuperStar hit the nail on the head when she said that you cannot make 1 person your entire life.

 

Significant others should only be a "part" of our lives because, well, if you center yourself around this one person, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

What if he leaves you? Or what if you want to leave him? What will you be left with? You'll feel as if you have nothing to live for, and that is not good! Especially during your ICS-- what if this happens? You're going to have to live on your own. Will you be financially capable of doing that?

 

It does sound like you haven't been in college for too long (you're 17 going on 18 ), so it sounds like you wouldn't be throwing away years and courses of college. And that's one thing that's working FOR you in this situation.

 

I'm not saying that your relationship with him will fail-- no one knows how things will turn out. But my point is, you have to be prepared for things like that. You have to be prepared for possibly having to be more independent during your stay there.

 

GOod luck.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey MG - This may go against the grain here, but I say go for it!

 

I think you should move in with your bf if his mum allows it. Move over there, get a job, continue your education and start your life.

 

Learn to depend on yourself and make things happen for yourself. I don't think moving in with him means you're dependent on him, we all need help occasionally, but as long as you don't treat moving in with him at his mum's place as the end all, I think it'll be good for you.

 

You can go there, get a job straight away, start looking for ways to stay in school and the two of you can start looking for a place of your own. What's wrong with that at 18?

[Mysterious Gurl]

I never ever bring up with my other half that our relationship might not wrk out because he is so determined to work it out with me and to be honest I am with him. I know we will eventually meet new people in our lives but at the moment I want to make the most of what I have with him whether it will work out or not.

 

I have to say I really hope it does.

 

I would be living with hm for about a year or two and surely us being together will bring us even close without a distance in the way that could/would break us apart eventually. Living with him would mean I get more time with him he's like my best friend as well. I don't know if it would work out but I want to take the chance.

 

If worst came to the worst I would live with my sister who lives about 2 hours away from London. My sister is twice my age and has said ever since I was young that there would always be a door open there and I wouldn't be expected to pay anything until I had found a job or something.

 

At the moment I want to move down to be with my other half more and also to do this course.

 

I'm not saying it would be easy by any means, I just want to change things. I have considered the ups and downs of the situation and tried to work around them.

 

Thanks for your advice though, I really appreciate it because this is allnew to me.

 

Miya x

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Yes, by all means move... it is far better to have a positive environment than to be where someone says they resent you, regardless of them being a parent or not... when you are 18, you are free to choose your own way, and it should be a way that makes you happy.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Yes, by all means move... it is far better to have a positive environment than to be where someone says they resent you.

 

I think she was saying it because of her temper. She seems to have calmed down now but she was yelling downstaires at my dad saying "have you ever been close to wanting to hit someone that you might snap and hit them!?"

 

I know she wouldn't hit me but it's not the point. I don't want to listen to that sort of talk and it is really the last thing I want to hear while I'm missing someone I usually turn to in a time of need.

 

I felt sick with missing him because I feel like he is the only person in the world that undertsand and acres about me besides my older brother and sister. They can totally relate to what I have to put up with seeing as they have been there and done it.

 

I'm still considering it but photography looks pretty amazing.

 

Thanks for all your replies so far!

 

Miya x

[agent1607307371]

Is there a way for you to move down with him and enroll at a local college doing courses that you actually want to do?

 

That way you would be able to cultivate a social life outside of your bf. When someone is our whole world and is right there with us every day it can become more than a little claustrophobic and put too much bad tension on the relationship.

[Mysterious Gurl]

I had thought about going to College down there but because I'm 18 I would have to pay for my courses and I couldn't afford hat as well as £40 a week rent. Thats why I thought this ICS course was the ideal for me.

 

Miya x