krnelson2 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Day 5 I think...? This past weekend went really good. I immersed myself in keeping busy and catching up with some friends. I cleaned my whole house for two days...I would highly recommend some cleaning. It changed my mindset so much. I know that sounds stupid but having a clean house really made me feel good. Plus it took two days to do so i had little time to think about my ex I can really start to see myself moving on though. As much as I dont like it, I really am. I had coffee with my mom on Saturday and I could see that I was beginning to get back to my old self...And so could she. I felt happy and confident, and I think she started to sense that. I hope things continue to go in this direction. She hasnt contacted me yet and that is always the big test. My roomate is trying to set me up with this friend of his from school. She is a really cool girl and I have been thinking of her a lot lately. However she is in a similar situation to me. She is just out of a long relationship, possibly even an engagement. So I am treading lightly on this, and seeing where it leads. I dont want to be her rebound and I dont want her to be mine, so it might be a little soon for both of us there, but I am not closing out the possibility yet! Parsley: Even though it may not seem like it, this realization is a huge step in your healing. It sounds as if you are entering the anger stage of the breakup, and its totally natural. It actually helps you heal faster. I never thought I would be angry at my ex, but changing my attitude to a "its their loss" notion really helped, and allowed me to tell myself that I was a better person than I was being treated. Keep up the good work, from reading your posts it sounds like you are healing well. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Parsley: Even though it may not seem like it, this realization is a huge step in your healing. It sounds as if you are entering the anger stage of the breakup, and its totally natural. It actually helps you heal faster. I never thought I would be angry at my ex, but changing my attitude to a "its their loss" notion really helped, and allowed me to tell myself that I was a better person than I was being treated. Keep up the good work, from reading your posts it sounds like you are healing well. Thats what helped me heal alot quicker with my ex wife. When she told me she was having an affair. I went straight to hatred. In a funny way it did help me heal quicker... Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Its been almost 5 days of NC w/ my ex. I feel okay but i am missing him alot. Over the weekend, I was thinking about the good times we were having and everything else. Guess u can say i was going a little nuts.. I'm feeling so so this monday morning.. BUt i know im going to stick w/ NC for awhile until I find myself feeling better and stronger... I do get tempted to talk to him but as some of u guys kno my situation... its something I shouldnt do.... but its okay.. im hanging in there.. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Just remember though the stages of grief are not so clear cut. I have been through shock, denial, sadness and anger...but have slipped backed into sadness again. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, heal at your own pace x Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Yeah I guess I am angry. I got angry before...but maybe now it's got more reasoning. I feel really really used right now...more than I did before. Being angry helps me realise for definite that I am better off without him. I've had a few days before when I've noticed how much easier my life is now. I don't have to worry about him anymore, and I'm thinking of him less each day. *sigh* I just want to be past this and not have it in my head anymore. I wish so so much that it could be this time next year. Unless something crap happens then too. In that case, I wish it could be when things are ok...no, good! Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Good point Pisces! Its true that breakups follow a natural progression with different stages. However every situation is different and there may be no concrete order for these stages. And just because you have made it to the next stage doesnt mean you cant slip backwards. The hardest part is trying to move to each step and not fall backwards, but it is completely natural and only time will move you to the next step. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I think you know you will be OK when you get to the acceptance stage. No more anger or tears just you and your future...sounds wonderful, can't wait to be in that place x Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Yeah, i went through these stages too, Anger, Sadness, Confusion... you name it.... right now my current mood is really nothing. Im not feeling anything now.. maybe because its too early in the morning here hahhaa... but over the weekend i had mixture of moods.. i thought i was loosing my mind.......staying home..= killing urself Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Ok, so I decided to try NC again... DAY 1 Im aiming at 3 weeks of NC... I went to my ex's house yesterday, knowing she wouldnt be there. I gave her things back to her mom, got my things back and thanked her for everything, for treating me like part of her family. I told her I lost hope with her daughter so I wouldnt contact her anymore. She told me not to be a fool, not to give up. She says her daughter still loves me and is realizing what a great man I am (in her own words), but she was scared of going too fast and she was getting bad advice from her friends, who convinced her she shouldnt have a BF because it would ruin the partying for all of them (my ex is the leader of her group). I must say those friends of her are no good, bad influence, they drink a lot, play with men, dont do a thing, are materialistic... and my ex is picking up some of that bad stuff... My ex is not dumb and also is starting to realize this. Her mom decided to ground her, well, she will get to go out on saturdays, when before she used to go out partying 4 nights a week. My ex's mom says she is worried about her well-being, (she is anemic) because she sleeps until 2 pm, doesnt eat, works part-time, goes out, drinks, sleeps... its a bad cycle she is in. So now her focus is for her to heal, get rid of those bad friends of her, and have her meditate on what she really wants to get out of life. My ex's dream is to get married to a good man and have children, and her mom says that she is starting to realize I have the qualities she looks for. So I will be patient, take things slow, not lose hope (but at the same time go on with my life) and give her time to let all sink in. I love her and I know inside that she is a good girl, deserving of my heart. So I won't sit by and let this chance pass by. I'll try once more and then let destiny take its course. If I fail, at least I will know I tried and wont spend the rest of my life wondering if I let the girl of my dreams go away... What do you guys think? Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Day 18 NC - I have another dilemma on my hands. There's this girl I just met two days ago; and she's been sending me a text late at night like past 11:00 ish and the first one was asking if I wanted to hang out with her and a couple friends at their place; but I didn't because I didn't have the car. And just last night she sends me a text asking me "Hey **** what classes are you taking for winter and what is it at? Sorry if you were sleeping already! Don't reply if you were! Haha." Well I called her on it and I phoned her up and we had a nice little 10 minute chat, about random stuff, and not even about school; and she was just asking me questions nonstop; I felt pretty bad because I'm the guy and shouldn't I be asking more questions? Well anyways; I'm kind of hesitating at first because it said on her myspace that was in a relationship but it didn't seem like it. So we got off the phone and about 45 mnutes later i send a text saying "It was great talking to you; I've been thinking about you the past couple days. Hope to see you tomorrow!" (sent at 12:00 ish) - Now that I read it; I have a feeling I may have been too bold; I'm knocking my head against the wall; I hope I didn't scare her away.... - she replied this morning at 9:00; "It was cool talking to you too! I'm not sure if i can hang out today cause I have stuff to do but I'l defeinitely call you when something comes up!" What does everyuone think? TJ I need your input man!! for once I'm worried about something different than the ex Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 TJ I think your plan is good, just go NC as long as it takes; don't set a time limit on it I think. Remember SD's post about the watching a pot of water = never boils. So yeah just try to think about that. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 day18...just woke up having some coffee..i seriously can't wait till school starts again...i wanna get busy studying and partyin. well off to the gym in a bit! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 So we got off the phone and about 45 mnutes later i send a text saying "It was great talking to you; I've been thinking about you the past couple days. Hope to see you tomorrow!" (sent at 12:00 ish) - Now that I read it; I have a feeling I may have been too bold; I'm knocking my head against the wall; I hope I didn't scare her away.... - she replied this morning at 9:00; "It was cool talking to you too! I'm not sure if i can hang out today cause I have stuff to do but I'l defeinitely call you when something comes up!" What does everyuone think? TJ I need your input man!! for once I'm worried about something different than the ex Hi there! I wouldnt worry too much. True, you were bold and showed her she is someone in your world, but this can be undone... Have you heard about the expression "to blow hot and cold" (or something like it), well you can balance that txt msg with some NC haha. She told you she would call you if something comes up, so let her take the next step... I dont think she is going to take a lot of time before she looks for you again. I would just say to keep things cool, act indiferent, just have a good time when you are around her. This saturday I kinda went on a blind date with this cute girl (she was not my type) but she was shure nice. We were at this party with some common friends, so I barely talked to her (I was indifferent) but when I gave her attention I was fun and she responded well. My friends told me she was fascinated by me and was amazed at what a fun guy I was. You see? I didnt truly like this girl, so I acted aloof, independent, and she liked me even more because of it... So I figure I have to act like that with the girls I like... Its in our nature to want the things we cant have. We like the challenge. That is part of the reason we want our ex's back (consciously or not). Thats why some ex's get back after we moved on... Now that I think of it, I hinted to my ex this weekend that I didnt want to be friends with her, so that was it for me... maybe now she will start missing me and appreciating me more haha Well, thats my opinion. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 TJ I think your plan is good, just go NC as long as it takes; don't set a time limit on it I think. Remember SD's post about the watching a pot of water = never boils. So yeah just try to think about that. Hehe, yeah, true... I shouldnt set a limit... but then again comes the age-old question: Do I call her in her birthday?... her bday is a day before Valentine's, so its a double whammy! Thats why I want to do 3 weeks of NC... I'll just try not to count the days, but with this challenge I have to! LOL I can say im calm and more focused, confident (now that I have some inside info) and since I already lost her, I cant lose anything else. Its nice to have a double agent working for me hehehe Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hey guys Right, you're the ones that have read everything that's gone on with me, so I want your opinions on what I should do, cause you probably know my situation better than I do! It's his birthday tomorrow. I believe it was Shakespeare who said "To email...or not to email..." before going "Nah...scratch that. That's pud" and wrote something better. What do you think? Edit: Not about Shakespeare...whether or not I should contact ex on his bday. Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hey Parsley, I have read your story and it seems like you are kind of over him, you said something about not wanting to be with him again... but the birthday thing is always a tough one, because usually we send cards to many people on their bdays. If I were you, I would email him an e-card (not a romantic one of course) and not in the morning! like you just remembered it... but you know better... Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Day 12. I'm sick to my stomach. It doesn't really matter anymore because he won't answer if I do try to contact him. And an old friendship just crashed and burned to top it off. Yeah, I give up. Seems like no one wants my company anyway. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I'm not sure I can send an e-card - it would be to his work email, and I don't know what the filters are like there. So I would have to write out words... This morning when I thought about it I felt like I could manage it, but since then I had a big realisation concerning him, and found myself crying a lot. Now I'm not sure if that was just me crying because it was a sad thing...or if it was the relation to him that made me so sad. Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 LLamas, I'm so sorry... If your friend let you down, maybe he wasn't your friend at all, so you didn't lose a friendship, only a fake one maybe. Friends are friend cause they accept you the way you are, as simple as that... And about the ex, we are all in pain here Parsley, I usually feel bad at nights, I heared an expression something like "the sunset daemon", meaning that there is a tendency to feel down in the evening... but I know you're gonna be ok...you have already gotten so far... Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 And I feel down right now, I'm not in the mood for anything, and have so much work to do... I want him to think about me... but today is my fresh NC restart... so there is a long way in front of me... Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 OK, sign me up! I don't know how well I'll do, but I need SOMEONE to hold me accountable! I am officially on day 2. I already had a test this morning and managed to keep the topic work and get out ASAP... Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Welcome ramsickle! I have just restarted it... hope you won't have to Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Since I returned my ex's things to her and deleted her existence from my Myspace, blocked her in MSN... dont you think she is going to think that im done with her? is this good? I want to give it another shot with her, but not right now... We broke up because she felt pressured and we didnt establish a relationship based on friendship since the beginning. She has to overcome her insecurities about us and be shure about what she wants from life. She feels a void in her life now that she is not with me, but she has to convince herself that I can give her what she needs, and that she can also do the same for me. She basically wants to start slow, as friends, go out, have fun and take it from there... I dont know what to do... my friends tell me that I should leave her and move on, but I know she is the girl I want and love and I know she still feels deep for me. What to do to help her overcome the fear of me getting too serious? Is it good that she now thinks im done with her? Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I think it depends if she still has romantic feelings for you. If she has, she may get mad about this... I am so confused here in my own situation and I tend to put myself in her shoes. I broke up with my bf 10 days ago and I still love him and now I'm tortured that I don't know what he is thinking... but also I am mad at him, so I won't take him back right now... If he comes back in a month and proves me he has changed, I think I'll want him back. Back to you, if she gets mad, she may call you to tell you some things (it depends on her temper). If my ex bf would block me on messenger, I would think he is angry with me... and I might also think that he wants to get over me... I know I'm not coherent ... I guess we can never know what the other person thinks and we can't make them do what we want them to do (or feel). I'm not sure NC is the solution for you, I mean if she still has feelings for you and wants to hang out as friends, maybe you should try that. I know I would want the same thing with my ex : to take things slow, but not right now. To help her overcoming her fear, just don't get too serious and don't try to meet her more than she wants to, let her initiate more contact than you... As I have mentioned earlier, I may see things only from my perspective... Did she contact you since your breakup? Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 not feeling so good today, did good for the last two weeks until she text me for my bday. I text back to say thanks and left it at that. Today I feel like that will be the last time I hear from her. I know that i shouldn't dwell on this or let this get to me because i got to move on but just the feeling of not talking to her again is painful. I hope she does try to make some contact with me because I know I'm not going to initiate. I hope she isn't thinking the same thing (even though she broke up with me). Everyone keeps telling me just give her some space and thats what I'm doing, but how long is that supposed to last? She wanted us to be friends but I decided against that as it was to painful for me. Also being friends wouldn't let her know what it would be like without me in her life. I also wonder if she misses me like I miss her or is she just keeping busy to get over it. I wonder if she is using the same techniques that us dumpees use to get over someone. Not feeling to strong today. Link to comment
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