cooking1969 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I have been reading this post since right before Christmas. My break up occurred the 2nd week of Nov., still spent time together. She met someone else, it was short lived and we have had an occasional interaction. I have seen from this site that these times we talk really mean very little and it is time to start my own period of NC. I have been working out, seeing a counselor, and a few other projects, as many of you know that is all quickly unravelled by a short and meaningless exchange of phone or email from the ex. I was doing well and bam back off track. You end up misreading something in an email, making to much out of a kind word. So it is time. We had a friendly email exchange today and when all was said and done I can see it means nothing and it is time to really move on. I am accepting the challenge to save myself and rescue the efforts and strides I have made to this point. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Go, Cooking! Welcome to the fold. Link to comment
cooking1969 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Thanks, the hardest part is my ex works right down the street from me, I office out of the house, she offices in a building 2 blocks away working at a job I helped her get. I drive the long way to the main street to avoid seeing her office window. It's hard to have her so close. She used to come over during lunch, now I never see her, yet she is right there. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Ran for 45 minutes. Feel like a hottie! running feels good doesnt it? Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 luv-- i love endorphins. Parsley-- a little of both! will need to take some ibuprofen, but I also feel like a goddess....literally! like i have all the power of nature in my legs! stomp stomp crush crush crush! running accross the tops of clouds! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 2600, i don't know your circumstances, but since you know you can't be together, then it's best to let it go. don't apologize to her or follow up. it wasn't deliberate on your part for her to ever see it. there's nothing to be sorry for. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I like to run as well shaker. too much snow right now and i dont like to run in the cold..cant wait for summer..glad to see you feeling better. Link to comment
nikki blu Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Okay...I broke it! ](*,) I couldn't help it...He sent a text and called four times and I just had to put him in his place and get some closure. I told him even if he didn't want to be serious, I expected common courtesy of cancelling the date...and not to take my kindness for weakness. He said that wasn't the case and apologized, I accepted...but the trust is gone. He's a fun person to hang out with, but definitely not boyfriend material at this time in his life. Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 hi everyone! Sorry for the hiatus....i went home to my parents and didn't have time to get online. It was definitely a nice thing to go home, I did laundry and hung out with my little sister, and even did some work for school (which restarts tomorrow). I kind of had an epiphany this weekend. I'm not sure that ever really loved my boyfriend...I mean, I love him and I loved being together with him, but I think that I was more in love with being in a relationship than anything. I realized that after I thought hard about the fact that it never bothered me to imagine him with other women (after our break up). Pretty much, I've known how many serious flaws he has, and I thought that I just loved him enough to ignore them. But I think that I couldn't truly love him with those flaws, I was just kidding myself. Eh, so now I'm in the position of feeling over him and wanting to be friends with him again. Normally, I would probably wait longer, but I'm pretty sure that he's going to Iraq for a year sometime soon...so I don't want to wait even a couple of weeks. haha, and after he ships out to Iraq, it's going to be really easy to keep NC! Link to comment
LindsayTD Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Day 35- Todays been especially hard. Not sure why. I just wish he would come to his senses and miss me already. Sometimes I just wanna call him because I hope the sound of my voice will make him miss me or something. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 DAy-11 today was chill. woke up and got busy cleaning the house, washing the car, etc. went out for a bit to relax. Started to listen to Some John Mayer to keep me in relax mode instead of the traditional hip hop. Shoot some hoops for a couple of hours and here i am. absolutely doing fine today, nothing in any sort feeling down. Day 12 tomorrow... Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Hello all. After several days of non-stop reading of old posts, I'm officially here with you. My first exposure to SuperDave was a post about No Contact that I found through google way back in 2005. Imagine my delight today when I came accross this new thread two years later about the NC challenge! It couldn't be better timing for me. I need to take the challenge. Dave, I know you've heard it a thousand times, but few things have helped me more than your advice. Thank you. Now I'm actively participating. I hope you can handle another sad sack! Here's my story --I met my ex last February when she started working at my office. We became fast friends and within a month or so were dating. She's 10 years my junior and in the beginning I always told myself not to get too attached because she's 21, and although she's already graduated from college and starting her first job, and though she's without question the MOST mature 21 year old I've ever met, I still figured I was just a fad. She also was on the rebound. Then something funny happened. We fell in love. We talked about moving to North Carolina together. I got over the age thing and fell for her -- hard. A few days after Christmas, she ended it. We weren't compatible, she said, and said I was innately selfish and not ready to give her what she needed. I was shocked, and did what so many of us dumpees do. I cried to her. I told her I'd change and that I just needed a wake-up call like this to remind me that I needed to give my all to the relationship. I told her if she gave us another chance, I would be the man she fell in love with and who deserves her. I said it to her in person. I wrote it in an email on Jan. 4. "I can't do it," she said. "I've held on too long to relationships in the past and wound up getting hurt. I feel like I've made the right decision." I'm devastated. I had those crazy feelings of, "She could be the one." We were spending morning, noon and night together. Now, it's over. But now, of course, we still work together. I see her everyday, several times a day. I hear her in the other room. I sit accross from her in staff meetings. It's torture. For a while during those staff meetings I could swear she would make eye contact with me, and that some spark was still there. But last Friday and today, she seemed distant, cold. I asked how her weekend was and she gives me a short answer. I said goodbye tonight to her and a coworker and she didn't even look up. She just hasn't been making eye contact. I have to admit, I yearn for another shot. I don't want to give up that hope. I'm still in that stage. But it's starting to sink in that she's almost surely done, and that she's avoidng my eyes because she feels guilty and doesn't want to give me false hope. So here I am. Sorry for the long post, but as you all know, it feels good to get it out even if most people skim or skip right over it. Thanks for those of you who took the time to read it. It gives me strength. The point--I need the NC challenge. And I need to do it for me, not with the hopes that she will come back if I do. I know all the rules, I just need to follow them. But it is heartwrenching to walk into work everyday and see her. I haven't talked to her, emailed her or texted her about "us" since Jan. 4, and since then have just had a couple polite, brief "catch-up" conversations. Those catch up conversations are against the rules, Dave, I know, so I should probably just start counting from today. Here's sending you all postive energy and thanking you in advance for all the help and kindness that's sure to come back to me. Tony Link to comment
LindsayTD Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Wow, Tony. I totally feel for you. I was dating a coworker, we fell in love, and he ended up cheating on me. I was devestated. To make matters worse he would talk about his new girlfriend right in front of me. I eventually quit because he was my boss and I couldn't deal with it anymore. I truly wish you good luck with the NC challenge. Stay strong, Tony. Things will be tough at first, but you'll get through it. And remember... what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Thank you so much, Lindsay. That's SO what I needed to hear. Like I said, I've been reading SuperDave-related posts for days now but it feels great to get a reply to your own story, ya know? Again, I'm in that space so many of us go through of pining for a second chance, but I am trying to get out of that because I know an NC done with the intention of getting someone back is not the healthy NC that SuperDave espouses. I will admit, though, that I do intend to send a simple card sometime in the future. Just a simple quote that I've been carrying around with me that has helped: "Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole." --Derek Walcott After a certain NC period, I will send it to her and tell her I miss her -- because I still have that fear that many of us do that NC will make her think I don't want that second chance anymore. I know, I know--if she wants it, she'll come to me, and I just need to assume that she doesn't so I won't be disappointed. But I just want to send that one card, just one final attempt. I know that if I she doesn't acknowledge it, I need to take it as the ultimate closure. But when you love someone, you need to feel like you made every effort, right? Thanks again, Lindsay, and to all, for reading. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 TonyMar, It must be really difficult seeing your ex on a regular basis. I like Walcott's writing, too. It's a sweet and sentimental idea to send the quotation to her at some point, but I think you should be investing all of your efforts in yourself right now. You'll be giving your ex power as soon as you send it because you'll be caught up in wondering what her response -- or what the effect -- will be. Good idea to abandon the 'catch-up' conversations. Keep it up. Link to comment
generalelectric Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Okay. I'm gonna do this if it kills me. After days of obsessing, I need to clear my head and taking this challenge seems to the best way to do it. Read...set...here I go 1/16/07, 9:51 pm! Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 TonyMar, It must be really difficult seeing your ex on a regular basis. I like Walcott's writing, too. It's a sweet and sentimental idea to send the quotation to her at some point, but I think you should be investing all of your efforts in yourself right now. You'll be giving your ex power as soon as you send it because you'll be caught up in wondering what her response -- or what the effect -- will be. Good idea to abandon the 'catch-up' conversations. Keep it up. Thanks, Shaker, exactly what I needed to hear. Isn't it funny how we KNOW what the sane, rational advice people will give to us here but yet it still feels so good to hear it? This would be SO much less difficult if I didn't see her every day. I make progress on here each night and then it seems to wash away when I walk in to the office each morning and see her at her desk. And now in the past few days, I've not gotten hardly a smile or even a look in the eye. Maybe that's her way of making it easy on both of us. I really wish I could see myself through her eyes...Am I coming accross as kind, confident and moving on with my life? I feel like I'm making a real effort and am being successful. But I wonder if she sees right through it, if she knows that I try to sneak peeks at her no matter how hard I try to resist. Jeez, is it really better to have loved and lost? Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Okay. I'm gonna do this if it kills me. After days of obsessing, I need to clear my head and taking this challenge seems to the best way to do it. Read...set...here I go 1/16/07, 9:51 pm! You can do it, Alive. You WILL do it, and so will I. There's nothing worse than that feeling that you will never find someone as good as your ex, that you blew it, that if you just had one more chance... But none of us are guaranteed another minute on this world and obsessing over what was lost is simply throwing away the minute you're living in now. Now if I could just take my own advice... Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I cant believe it... I looked at her myspace after 19 days of resisting temptation... I wish I hadnt... Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Sorry to hear that, TJ. Tight lines, brother. End of Day 4 for this gal. What I did: met my work goals, had some nice chitchats, worked at establishing new routines and habits. Had cravings for various things and met those, too! I expect tomorrow to be more of the same. When does the exhaustion ease up? Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 After dissecting my feelings and toughts about what I just did (looking at my ex's myspace) I found out that: * I really love this girl * I want her to be happy * I have to accept the fact that I can't make her love me to the point of taking me back * It's not that easy to control my feelings at times * I feel stronger after enduring NC for 19 days * Life is full of challenges * I am a good man, and deserve to be loved for who I am i dont know, im just rambling... i feel my heart is going to explode with all this love i have inside... too bad she doesn't want it From her posts in myspace B.B. I learned she in fact went to the club I was in last friday... she has been drinking heavily, she misses me... but wont call me... Anyway, this info is useless... I tought I was already letting her go, but I can see now my heart is fickle... Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 tj hang in there man, i know its hard with the feelings that keep fluctuating, its weird. Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 After dissecting my feelings and toughts about what I just did (looking at my ex's myspace) I found out that: * I really love this girl * I want her to be happy * I have to accept the fact that I can't make her love me to the point of taking me back * It's not that easy to control my feelings at times * I feel stronger after enduring NC for 19 days * Life is full of challenges * I am a good man, and deserve to be loved for who I am I tought I was already letting her go, but I can see now my heart is fickle... Wow, Tijuana, your list sounds so much like one I could make. Thanks for putting it up there, because it reminded me where I stand. We can be strong, and man, there are SO many women out there. I feel like I'm starting to heal a little because I'm oh-so-slowly moving out of that mindset that there is no better woman for me than my ex. Tomorrow I will likely wake up with that feeling again, though. It just comes and goes in waves, then one day, the pain will be gone, though she will always have a piece of your heart. It doesn't have to hurt, though. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 tj hang in there man, i know its hard with the feelings that keep fluctuating, its weird. thanks for the support! I wish I knew whats better for me. I started NC to get her back before I knew what it was about. I dont know if I should call her to see if we can talk sometime 1 on 1. I think she is expecting me to do that. She is only 18... I dont know if she is afraid of being rejected and thats why she is trying to give me messages through different channels: MSN (blocked and deleted her), text messages, showing up at my club when she never goes there, posting on myspace when she never did it... keeping some photos of me and her still in her profile... love is hard... Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I feel like I'm starting to heal a little because I'm oh-so-slowly moving out of that mindset that there is no better woman for me than my ex. Tomorrow I will likely wake up with that feeling again, though. It just comes and goes in waves, then one day, the pain will be gone, though she will always have a piece of your heart. It doesn't have to hurt, though. Words from the heart... I know there are better women than my ex out there, the thing is I could live with her flaws, I love her the way she is, but lack of communication left her insecure and unsure about us... she says she loves and misses me, but is not doing anything about it... For her own sake, and for mine, I know its best to let her go and let her mature... At least we ended things in good terms... Link to comment
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