SuperDave71 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Share Posted January 15, 2007 Pisces, Not only is it common since....it hits you like a ton of bricks when you finally get it and let go. What I mean is...it will feel as if the world FALLS OFF YOUR SHOULDERS and you can SMILE AGAIN because you WANT to...instead of "I have to". Make sense? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I know that I should be listening to you - but it's already got confusing. You've all given me this amazing support and advice and help, and it's just fantastic to have everyone here that knows what you're going through, not just from a memory, but because they are experiencing the exact same thing at the exact same time. And god have I tried so hard. Making it all about me, all about taking it one step at a time, and not rebounding onto the first person that showed an interest. But we all know that no matter how many people are telling you you're doing good, one perfectly timed criticism just smashes down half of what you've spent your last week, fortnight, month whatever building. I turned a guy down last week, saying thanks, but no, I just don't want to think about anyone else right now, and I'd rather just have a new friend. He said I needed professional help if that's the way I looked at things. That didn't help. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Shaker - I am planning a trip to see them - but it all revolves around this job. If I get it, it means really weird hours. It's 16 hours a week, and is going to be a sort of as and when thing. So I need to know if I get this job, when I'll be working before I can plan anything, because going there and back in one day would be ridiculous. I'd see them for about 4 hours. But I'm gonna get there, nothing's gonna stop me! I think my friends would have words to say about it too lol Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 day whatever i slept for the first time in three days after my nightshift! she was still the first thing on my mind as i woke, but i managed to sleep which can only be a good thing! i really hate the way my feelings fluctuate. for a while i'm so angry with her at what she has done to me and others i mourn the loss of my love, my best friend. dreading my session with the therapist tomorrow as we left things on such a different note last week with me telling her how things were looking good between me and the ex and that we were both really hopefull that things were gonna work out. then i come home and get the 'you're out of my life forever' phone call. i started throwing out things today too. little things with big meaning, the little scrap of pink paper that has lived in my bedside drawer for three years that says ' i love you babe', her bottle of shampoo that has sat in my bathroom forever. i know from mutual friends that she is denying that she was ever into the relationship and that she finally cut me loose and feels so much better for it. (makes me feel * * * *ty that i've been such a burden to anyone). i have to do the same now. shoes Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 So true SD, I checked the caller ID all the time....then I stopped. even turned off my ringers on the house phone. Started listen to music again, even the songs that reminded me of him..that helped actually, the songs that used to make me want to call or cry after hearing them, turned into songs of "i deserve to have these feelings returned, and someday I will find the right person" I started going out again..cant meet anyone sitting at home polishing the PITY WAGON! I wasnt going out to meet someone to get involved with but to have the social simulation that all of HUMANS need. I also got organized...when I feel sorry for myself or am hurting, I sometime let the little things go...too busy "thinking"..when Im not organized..it makes daily life much harder. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 The fact is folks, i have taken away her safety net. She no longer has me to come crawling back to when she is feeling crappy. That has to be having an affect on her. But that doesnt matter because I am not doing any of this in spite of her or to get a reaction. Im doing it for ME!!! Thanks everyone for your posts. Lets get some action here though. Its fine to talk about missing them, but also include what you are doing to fix that. Wow kr - this is the most brilliant thing I've heard from you lately - you are definitely recovering! Link to comment
luciand Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Wooooot! I've already reached that step in my life. Sure if she texts or something it doesn't make me feel good, but I'm living my life for myself. Enjoying things a lot more, exercising, reading, and meeting new people. I don't even think about her anymore unless someone brings it up. What's done is done and I did my best throughout it. Sooooo..... *throws a sexy party* Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 A sexy party! You knows it! Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Pisces, Not only is it common since....it hits you like a ton of bricks when you finally get it and let go. What I mean is...it will feel as if the world FALLS OFF YOUR SHOULDERS and you can SMILE AGAIN because you WANT to...instead of "I have to". Make sense? -SuperDave71 I felt that ton of bricks! and the weight of the world did fall of my shoulders...I no longer have the stiff neck and sore muscles from constant stress! your dead on with this one SD Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 15, 2007 Author Share Posted January 15, 2007 Honeyspur.. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT KRNELSON! I even PM'ed him to say THANK YOU FOR THAT ONE! SuperDave71 Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 So, things that I have been doing lately are : - new makeup, - new lingerie, - new music to listen, - met my best friends and had girl talks (love them), - I plan to change my haircolor a bit (I can't wait actually), - have been talking to someone who really likes me (I used to be in love with him 3 years ago, but nothing happenned between us at that time, and now we are just talking and laughing, no plans for dating...I'm not ready yet), - my mom is visiting me for 2 weeks so I'm not all alone at home and she keeps me busy And also I have to prepare my projects and prepare to study for exams... But most of the time, I think about him, about what is he thinking, what do all these things mean , how my life is going to change Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 fleur-de-lis, Your list sounds good. About the 'missing the ex' gap, just a thought, but what about doing something for the internal bits of yourself (more stuff like hanging out with friends)? Meditation, or learning something new, or, I don't know, something to pay attention/give love to who you are on the inside. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 day 11! no thinking about her too much, i feel the pain going away a little bit, little by little. gonna go back to homework! Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 thank you Shaker for you tips I know what you mean and I plan to do this, but not right now cause I'm in my final year at uni and my final exams begin this week, so I will be very busy studying. And i have picked the most difficult major at my university, and it's a challenge for me to keep up with the best of the best. offtopic: Sorry about my english, I haven't spoken English for a very long time and I can tell I'm making "weird phrases" .So this site also helps me on that, because reading you (in your native english) gives me great practice. Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 And I'm very new about this and I feel that I'm taking the easy way: doing funny, little things and hoping that the changes will reflect on the inside too. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Hey people, I just remembered this song - I think you'll all like it. It's Bill Bailey (a stand up - I don't know if he's well known in the states) and his 'attempt at a proper ballad". It's about love - but ahh - it is SO funny. I don't mean anyone to take offence at this - it has made me laugh a lot in the past, and still does now. Like I said I'd completely forgotten about it until a few minutes ago, and I still laughed at it. I hope you all do too! link removed Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I have just watched it... it is so funny, resembles a bit in style (in lyrics' style) to a local band here, and so I didn't expect it to be like this Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I have a question: Do you guys think Im fool for listening to what he had to say? It was such a rollercoaster ride the last month, I to was to blame for things..Im now wondering if I only talked to him out of guilt..I could tell that he was bothered by my NC...He even said he tried to get INFO on me but nobody would tell him anything...I think that is why he started coming around when i was out and about with friends. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I just dont want to get sucked back in...I guess thats why NC is NC! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Luvmykids - I don't think you're a fool. Much as we are all in this together - this is your battle, and you have to choose how to fight it. I'm not saying you shouldn't ask for help or ignore what we say - far from it. And though you have told us all about what happened between you two, we'll never know the whole story..you know? I'm not implying that you're leaving things out to colour our view...that's just the way it's going to happen! It would impossible to let us know absolutely everything that happened, and we can't know the right way to go about it, because we aren't you, and we don't know what your relationship was like. I definitely don't think you're a fool. You're a ridiculously brave woman, and I'm really proud of you for not deciding one thing and sticking to it no matter how much you want to change your mind. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Thanks parsely. Brave? maybe. I just wanted see what he had to say and how i would feel. we have been friends for a long time and i would like that back. I am just keeping any thoughts of getting back with him out of my mind right now. If that were to happen.. it wont be for a while.....he needs to show me he wants me in the same way. He was very sweet and considerate yesterday, but that is only one day out of the rest of my life... Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Yeah, you can't just leap into something at a word. And yes, you are brave! We all are. This isn't an easy thing to do, and we could easily fall apart completely. But we haven't - proved by the fact that we are here, we all sought help, we didn't want it to beat us. We've had to admit horrible truths to ourselves, and delve right into ourselves. That takes courage. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Im not saying that he was "kisssing up" I really think he was trying! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Lol, I didn't mean it to sound like that...more that we've all said things we mean at the time but can't follow through with. Especially at 'this' time. I said I wanted to be friends with my ex...I really meant it when I said it, but not anymore - I was just caught up in wanting to still be part of his life. Make sure you too stick to what you really think. xxx Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 Wow kr - this is the most brilliant thing I've heard from you lately - you are definitely recovering! Thank you Honeyspur and SuperDave! Its true I have started to recover. Although yesterday was really tough with the whole birthday thing, I stayed strong and didnt contact her. And for the first time I am comfortable and confident that I made the right decision. I came up with a really lame analogy of how I feel right now, here goes: I put the ball in her court, and told her to let me know if she wanted to get backtogether. She proceeded to play with me and contiuously kicked me against the wall. And now the ball is starting to deflate (on my terms of course) and its time to pick the ball up, reinflate it and put it where it belongs. Back with the other balls, where it can be happy and learn to live a life outside of HER court. I dont know if it makes any sense (it does to me). But to sum it up, she has lost someone very special, and just doesnt know it yet. Someday she will, but by then I might have moved on. AND I"M FINE WITH THAT!!! PEACE! Link to comment
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