THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[xRoh]

Thank you for your kind and comforting words.

 

Today was fun. I went to Bournemouth with my family for the day. The weather was great and I wanted to treat myself as I was down there so I bought myself a crap load of cosmetic stuff. I've never really been into cosmetics/beauty products so I thought this would make a nice change aswell as boost my self-esteem - what I really need right now!

 

However tonight my ex sent me a message saying "be my friend again please". He has NEVER begged or asked for me back (seeing as I did it all in the past). I just find it funny that he was saying he didn't care and all this crap and is now asking me back after only 3 days!

[lkonohalanbu]

went out, it was okay, everything i went to, she loved or i knew she would have liked it

 

went to go hookah, i feel sick and want to call her badly, but i want

 

she wants her time and i will give it to her

 

i need to puke!

 

gah.

[GetMeBack]

Thank you for your kind and comforting words.

 

Today was fun. I went to Bournemouth with my family for the day. The weather was great and I wanted to treat myself as I was down there so I bought myself a crap load of cosmetic stuff. I've never really been into cosmetics/beauty products so I thought this would make a nice change aswell as boost my self-esteem - what I really need right now!

 

However tonight my ex sent me a message saying "be my friend again please". He has NEVER begged or asked for me back (seeing as I did it all in the past). I just find it funny that he was saying he didn't care and all this crap and is now asking me back after only 3 days!

 

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

 

Dont reply xROH, he just wants to be your friend so he can alleviate his guilt and ween himself off you gradually...

 

STICK TO NC.

 

GetMeBack

[GetMeBack]

went out, it was okay, everything i went to, she loved or i knew she would have liked it

 

went to go hookah, i feel sick and want to call her badly, but i want

 

she wants her time and i will give it to her

 

i need to puke!

 

gah.

 

Stick with it IKON.XX

[PrettyGood]

Good morning for all... the 2nd day of this tragic feeling trial continues...

 

This day has just begun, so I will update more information about my second day later. I just want to say that yesterday I returned home about and afternoon and wrote him through Skype:

 

"Hi, I'm already at home. I really miss you, so if you want to see me today, you will find me at home. Waiting for you. Sincerely".

 

He didn't reply me anything. But I just wanted him to know. I knew that it's a lie to myself that he will come, but believing is the last positive hope I have. So I updated my story here and waited for him. Guess did he come?

 

I bought 1 pair of new evening shoes and earrings, weared my beautiful dress, made a make-up and hairstyle. Tried to be as positive as I can so much. I cleaned my rooms, made a big cup of tea. I was waiting for him till the midnight. Till then I saw him online on Skype contacts list. And before a midnight he turned offline. I tried to lie to myself again - that maybe he will come. But I felt a sleep and today I woke up alone again.

 

I'm so disappoinet today. Keep trying not to write him. I'll see what will happen later today.

[lkonohalanbu]

 

Stick with it IKON.XX

 

i will endure, i will persevere, i will triumph this endeavor, a mere road block to life, a significant one, but i will continue

 

my behavior now will shape me in the future, i will be better, nothing good will come out of being clingy and trying to contact somebody who doesn't want to be spoken to

 

tomorrow is a new day, reflect on the past to learn from your mistakes, live in the present to make better days

 

thank you all for the support, may you find yourself happiness and not lose yourself to the path of misery

[StillSmiling]

Oh GF,

 

You MUST find the strength to not put yourself through such evenings.

 

I have not read your story, but I do know that IF they ever come back, IF they want it back, they will come to you. No matter the amount of letters, begging and asking for him back is going to work. Please trust that as the truth.

 

You are only hurting yourself right now. Give it a bit of time and give him his space. What you're doing is only pushing him further away and destroying any chances of anything, even a friendship on down the road.

 

You will be amazed at how you begin to get some insight into it all when you can take a few steps back, and sit on the sidelines for awhile.

 

Please take care of yourself better. Can you hang with a GF or family this weekend? You need to be around loving people and not obsess about him. I KNOW, easier said than done. But try.

 

Gosh I feel your pain and the stage you are in right now. We're here for you.

[StillSmiling]

Day 33

 

Crappy morning. Just have a serious case of the blues for some reason. I guess it is part of the ups and downs going through all of this. I will be so grateful for the day I wake up without him being the first thing on my mind. He no longer possesses my every thought, but he is still there strong. Like a demon I can't quite shake.

 

Funny how we start twisting things around in our heads. Last night I started thinking how much clearer all of the "issues" were now. How it was his insecurity that made him run. That this is something HE needs to address and work on, because otherwise, unless he finds himself a true groupie, he will never have a successful relationship.

 

So than I start thinking: Hummmmm. Wonder if I could get him into counseling. Let's get him fixed! =) Silly thoughts. Yes, even at Day 33, and over 3 months since he walked out, there is still that tiny voice of hope whispering to me in my weak moments. Oh how I would love to see him or talk to him. Terrified at the idea, but it still whispers to me.

 

This morning I feel consumed with what he may be thinking. Does he ever regret his choices? Is he still thinking about me and having moments of sadness like I am? Is he out and about with a new babe, or is he spending quiet nights at home with his buddy or alone watching a movie? Will he call me on my birthday? Or think about September 9th, which is the date we met? And why the hell do I still even care? It's over.

 

Acceptance comes and goes in tiny little waves now instead of the crashing surf it felt like when this all first happened. I am healing, but continue to get frustrated that I am not out of the woods.

 

He was not the right one for me. I have to hold stronger to that thought in the soft moments like this morning. The loneliness is beginning to lift these past few weeks as I am making new friends and getting back out there. I have begun to get back into some of my life routines I had before he came crashing into my life ... things such as my garden and my animals and my long evening walks. So for those of you just starting NC, know it does get easier, bit by bit, but you are still moving forward. Even on the bad days.

 

Odd, in one of his parting letters to me he wrote:

 

"All I wanted was you. Now all I want is my life back".

 

Words that will burn in my head forever. And I wonder if he has gotten it back ...

[Abbie]

... it does get easier, but I wish it would get easier quicker. Even though I am rigorously sticking to NC and don't see me ever breaking it, it is impossible to forget about him as reminders crop up wherever I go. I went to see some friends who live over 200 miles away and we were looking through some of their photos and lo and behold, there's one of him. On the way back on the train, I caught site of one of his best friends on a passing train. I keep seeing what used to be 'our' car around town. I wish he and everything associated with him would just disappear. No matter how strong I am inside and how much I try to forget him, some sort of physical reminder jumps up out of the blue and brings back all the painful memories. This may sound terrible, but part of me wishes he would die just so I would know that there was no chance of ever seeing him again and the past could be safely locked away forever. I should be careful what I wish for though.

[DavidWRosario]

know how you feel. can tell you the counseling thing doesnt work. Deb and I were in counseling two years ago. Funny thing all my issues were brought up, I corrected too her satifaction, then two years later I was dumped back in counseling now just for me. The feeling I get from the counselor, most of the break up issues are all hers. I just have to learn to accept in all.

 

I told her the last time I started NC that I forgave and was forgetting all. She says she now holds grudges and harbors anger. The same reasons i was in counseling the last time. Funny huh.

 

Got a call yesterday afternoon from the last person on earth. My Sister-in-law, she is the last person I thought would ever call. She told me she still loved me and told me her sister was wrong. my sis in law and I fought like cats and dogs. Oh well I am sure my ex will be pissed. She has 2 friends in the world now. Both families and all friends have told me and her how wrong she is and should have tried to work this out. She told them all about the break up thinking they would support her. Now she is really mad cause she is alone. Now the Dumb me - - - - when someone calls and bad mouths her I defend her. Even dumber - Would probably go back if she asked. How stupid.

 

dave

[yankeefan74]

Don't beat yourself up, Dave. I am the same way. I can list many, many things that are "wrong" with my ex, or at least, with what our relationship had turned in to...but I would still, almost two months after the breakup, take her back. It's not all about her, there are other issues involved, but still...i know how you feel.

[DavidWRosario]

Thanks, your right. I do a pretty amazing job at kicking my own a@#. I have had her best friend tell me that there was another issue that we had not addressed yet, that was the root of all of this. As time passes, I don't think it is going to matter. The damage has been done. There is a Garth Brooks song about Burning Bridges. One verse says

 

Now through the flames I see her

Standin' on the other side

Burning bridges one by one

What I'm doin' can't be undone

And I'm always hoping someday

I'm gonna stop this runnin' around

But every time the chance comes up

Another bridge goes down

Like ashes on the water

I drift away in sorrow

Knowing that the day

My lesson's finally learned

I'll be standing at a river

Staring out accross tomorrow

And the bridge I need to get there

Will be a bridge that I have burned

Burning bridges one by one

What I'm doin' can't be undone

And I'm always hoping someday

I'm gonna stop this runnin' around

But every time the chance comes up

Another bridge goes down

Another bridge goes down

 

 

There is coming a day - The bridge is all ready on fire. I have to wonder in my mind if it is already too late on my part. My head and heart argue more than the republicans and democrats.

[DavidWRosario]

Hi David..

 

Hang in there! Share your story if you like..xx

thanks,

 

been here for a while on the third go around for the nc challenge. Had a 20 year marriage split up cause the sun came up one day. You know from your avatar pic, I was certain you lived just down the street. Maya Angelou is from Winston Salem, North Carolina and spends a lot of time here now. I have started the healing process, however, like a lot of friends here, We all seem to reflect and self assault a lot.

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Day 4,

 

Very reflective today, No silly thoughts, kids still asleep, time to post and read kind of nice

 

dave

 

havent seen kj, mp and gg around think I need to see what happened.

 

stillsmiling you are a rock, that is one of the great things about this site, when your weak your friend help u back up. When you are feeling better you can help carry the load.

 

thanks to all of you and I will try to help carry more

 

Dave 1:

[PrettyGood]

So... the 2nd day

 

I wait until afternoon, doing a lot of things not to think about him. But lately I gave up and called him. He couldn't talk. So I called 4 times and he dropped my call. Finally I asked him through Skype to visit me and when he appeared online, promised to do it this evening. Also he told me: "Don't call me like crazy! If I can't talk, so I can't!"

 

The evening came more stressful than I coul imagine. He arrived at my home, I suggested coffee, but he always tried to sit in front of me and drank only water.

First words were: "Sorry, but today I will not tell you that you hope to hear". I felt lost. Then he told me some things that was important to him to decide and here it is:

1) He still needs time to think about from 2-4 weeks, because he afraid that my beautiful promises can remain just promises. So he's in doubt to believe me or not.

2) He took some action, which was dangerous for him. He didn't mentioned what it was (job? girl? jail? He couldn't tell me!). So he took it because he lost me and then he didn't have what to lost more. Now this dangerous thing can move him to some abroad country, even United Arab Emirates. I know he's a business man, sometimes doing even illegal things, but travel abroad for 1-2 years? I began crying so much. He told me that it's a little chance, but he doesn't want to get me in his life through this period of his life.

3) He told me that he was faithful while we were having friendship. But when the things went wrong, he slept with other girl. He did it, because that I didn't like to get oral sex from him. So he made it for other girl and now they're writting sms sometimes. I promised not to be jealous, but he told me that I can't do anything here, so he can't promise not to make love with any girls, while we are separated. Also it's a big deal for him that I could give him do an oral sex for me. But if I still tell him I don't like it, he will leave me. Because other girls can let to do for themselves.

4) I am very jealous girl. So while we had a friendship, I was always shouting while found his sms or internet cheating evidence. At last he proved it. Sometimes he was too lovely for them. So he told me that he will continue writting sms and e-mails for these girls officially, and if we will be couple someday I could not to shout on him. He's younger 0,5 years than me and he told that it's proof for him that he's still sexy for unknown women. Even if he's not going to sleep with them. I asked not to make love with women through his period, but he told me that he's not going, but who know how it goes...

5) I have little pets in the cages. So he told me, that if we'll be a couple someday again, he will take these animals to balcony not to see it. Thanks god, that he didn't asked me to sell them.

 

That's all. I came to him and cried for almost 1 hour. I couldn't stop. Told him that I need him and I'm afraid that he will not chose me, but he was so cold, that I thought he even not hear me. Also he told me that I'm thicker. And pointed with a finger to my stomach. Maybe he thought that I'm pregnant from his friend. What a nonsense. I'm sure 100% that I'm not pregnant and my weight is only 47kg!! But he told that my stomach is thicker and laughed at me. Then he went out, and asked me to think about what he said. I still cry.

[GetMeBack]

thanks,

 

been here for a while on the third go around for the nc challenge. Had a 20 year marriage split up cause the sun came up one day. You know from your avatar pic, I was certain you lived just down the street. Maya Angelou is from Winston Salem, North Carolina and spends a lot of time here now. I have started the healing process, however, like a lot of friends here, We all seem to reflect and self assault a lot.

 

Dave

 

Hi ya, no im definitely not maya, ill put a picture up of me later. hehe xx

[GetMeBack]

Surely this is not for real?

 

47KG and he is calling you thicker?

 

Taking animals to the blacony?

 

The man sounds like a total and utter a** hole, please send him on his bike.[/color][/size][/font]

[PrettyGood]

Well I'm slim I think, I'm 166cm and 47kg. Wait... I took my weight on a scales now. It's 46.2 now. The minimum I had 45kg. I never seek a 50kg! And it's normal I think, I'm not bony, I'm beautiful slim. My mother called me and gave a compassion. She told that now she will call me everyday and will try to find a psychologist for me. She thought I'm mazochist maybe not to leave person who hurts me. And I drank tablets from nerves. I'm not crying now, but my face is now red and scarry as big Helloween pumpkin. I have a deep headache inside.

[GetMeBack]

You dont need to weigh yourself, you know your a slim girl.

 

Dont rely on him to validate you.

 

Surely you dont want this man back?

 

GetMeBack

[PrettyGood]

The worst thing that I still want. Because I'm going crazy feeling lonely more than 1 month. If I find someone lovely, I'll try to leave him, but now I have a deep heartache. I'm also afraid what if we'll be a couple and he will tell me one day after some years: "Lets try a group sex with lot of girlfriends or I'll leave you". I will be old one day...

[GetMeBack]

The worst thing that I still want. Because I'm going crazy feeling lonely more than 1 month. If I find someone lovely, I'll try to leave him, but now I have a deep heartache. I'm also afraid what if we'll be a couple and he will tell me one day after some years: "Lets try a group sex with lot of girlfriends or I'll leave you". I will be old one day...

 

sorry I really didnt understand this...?

[Steve 7745]

The worst thing that I still want. Because I'm going crazy feeling lonely more than 1 month. If I find someone lovely, I'll try to leave him, but now I have a deep heartache. I'm also afraid what if we'll be a couple and he will tell me one day after some years: "Lets try a group sex with lot of girlfriends or I'll leave you". I will be old one day...

 

The best bet is to insist that instead of girlfriends, you do it with other boys. Each time he tries to get it with other girls, tell him "only if we have one with just boys."

 

Very often, this will turn your significant other off from the thought of group sex. And if it doesn't, if he sincerely wouldn't care if you slept with another man, then I would strongly suggest dropping him like a hot potato for having absolutely no pride in your relationship, and there are no morals stopping him from seeing another girl.

[GetMeBack]

Newdilemma-

 

Or you could always find a bf, that is happy with just having intimacy with just you?

 

GetMeBack

[Steve 7745]

Day... what day is it? 22.

 

I'm at my parents place. My gilmore's groin finally recovered enough that I could go jogging. Unfortunately, I forgot my jogging shoes and my parent's feet are too small. I went for 30 minutes and my feet ache horribly. I spent about 40 minutes practicing guitar instead.

 

 

It's strange to me that only when we lose someone, we find the inspiration to improve ourselves. If we try to improve ourselves for someone we're not dating, we're not doing it for ourselves and it often fails. It's only the loss that gives us the inspiration to keep going, with authentic interest in ourselves.

 

Going to finish my story tonight for the Black Library. Then I have to start thinking about my plot for the competition.

[GetMeBack]

Really sorry about the colour on the last one, it wouldnt let me change it. it came out wrong. what I said;

 

Newdilemma-

 

Or you could always find a bf, that is happy with just having intimacy with just you?

 

GetMeBack