sngrmom75 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 this is my first post. I really need to start NC, but my situation makes it difficult. I am pregnant and my husband decided he is in love with another woman. I left on friday and am living halfway accross the country with my mom. I told him today that i didn't want to hear from him until he made some kind of a decision about HER-- I left with him saying he loved both of us but felt like he needed to see where it would go with her after cheating on me numerous times with her over the past 6 months. They met while we were separated and both dated other people. We got back together in January and since then he has gone back to her time after time. I told him that if he was so adamant about me leaving he should have her leave as well and have time to himself to decide. I hate feeling so weak and out of cointrol, but it's so difficult for me to be strong when I am pregnant with his child, we have been together for 10 years, I have no job and no friends and no home. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Welcome sng - and thank you for being so candid. Let me say how sorry I am you are in such a tough place. You have every right to be angry and frightened. You also made good decisions through your anger and fear and that takes skill. Let your family support you during this time and prepare yourself for some intensive care. I sense you are an independent person in nature, so allowing yourself this month to rely on others while you heal and wait is going to be crucial. Give yourself the love he won't give. In this you be able to ride this out easier. I'm glad you came today and hope to see you every day as we go through this challenge together. (HUGS) Link to comment
sngrmom75 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 thank you! This is difficult, especially not having anyone here but my mom. I will certainly be back. Have a lot of reading here to do, as well! Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Welcome sng. Your story made me tear up. I know you do not feel strong but you are! It takes a lot for a person to say enough is enough! We are very proud of you and if you need anything we are all here for you! You can do this! Link to comment
sngrmom75 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 thank you! I know the NC thing will be hard. After writing to him today and telling not to contact me until he made a decision, I have not heard from him and I checks his email many times throughout the day. I know he is going to see our therapist on tuesday. He wants me to find one here to see and he says he'll pay for it. How do I do THAT without contacting him? I guess I'll just have to write to him once more when I find a therapist to let him know how much it is so he can put that money into my acct. It is so strange to vascilate between looking up divorce and abandoment issues and then wishing he would call me. Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Ok well day 6 NC for me . phase two. Doing ok..Felt a little sad this afternoon but I dont miss him as such Just still holding out faith that I will meet someone who will cherish me completely... GetMeBack Link to comment
sngrmom75 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 hello, getmeback... I loved your post with the link about him not loving me. Wow... I will be reading THAT over and over. It is so comforting to have a support group. I hope for the same things for myself someday-- someone who loves me and cherishes me. Feeling sad myself... I know how hard it is. Today was my last contact with him for awhile... Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I'm so nervous about tomorrow. OKay I made another goal for the week. Okay the first one is not letting my ex's friends get to me and my second one is to stop talking about my ex and his friends unless it is something that really bothers me. I don't want to keep talking about the same thing over and over. That is how they win, isn't it? That they get so into your skin you can't stop thinking about them/what they say? I'm really nervous about going to school. I wish so much I could go to school and have them POOF disappear. I'm nervous about having to hear what my ex did this weekend or if he finally hooked up with his best friend's ex. I don't think I can bear seeing them together. Yes, that's it. I'm scared he found somebody new. I mean, I know who she is and it just NO! I want to find somebody FIRST! Gosh darn it I deserve to find somebody first! I'm the one suffering! ughhhhhhh Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Oh no I am beginning to feel down again for some reason..... Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Day 57 Beginning to have some thoughts about NC. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Another day gone!! LilBear and Irish Jax - wow - neck and neck - they are almost done. Two new graduates in a matter of days. Many are in LC. Some like Mock Chop and Volkslad are finding it suitable. But here is an important bit of advice from Artop: "When I was doing LC with my ex, I felt bad everytime after that initial relief. No matter what he did, answered me, ignored me, I felt bad. I knew that no matter what the result was, in the end we are still not together." I want SamT to consider this as he goes into LC. Tricky, tricky, tricky. Show me what ya got Sam - it's not often that I hope I'm proven wrong about NC. gee is in China and has dropped out of the challenge since he feels coming here too often sets him back in healing. I'll be posting some of the pics he sent. dragon lady had amazing success by entering LC and has a face to face meeting with the ex! Let's all cross our fingers for this to have a good outcome!! A few people are experiencing dreams - messenger and Getmeback today especially. Dreams are a reflection of the subconscious - so naturally they come on with a vengeance when we are in conflict. So worried that one of my A-list people is going to BREAK. SweetsmilingYeti - you are one of my top challengers right now and the youngest in our support group. Impress us and yourself by sticking to your guns!!!! Imagine the inspiration you'll give to others!! Hosvius, ScBunny and littlej are going through withdrawl and feeling the panic that comes in the beginning stages of NC. Hang on tight, you guys!! sngrmom75 has joined the ranks. See her story here - Think about GizMo's words today - 'I think if you keep thinking about them and how much you want to be back together, you will never be able to move on from them. ' If your intention is to hold on - no amount of NC will help. If your intention is to learn about you, gain independance and to educate yourself - NC will work wonders. ANYTHING can wait until the end of the challenge. Think you've figured it all out and know how to get closure? You'll STILL know that at the end of 30 days. Education is power!! GOOGLE: Co-dependance, impulse control, unconditional love and How to give and receive Feedback. Give yourself the tools to succeed! Consider how the chain effect of falling off the wagon happens. When one person breaks NC - it can start a chain effect through the power of suggestion. Be the stronger one of the pack and give yourself a chance. Link to comment
RaeKarma Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 day 5 41 days strong just lettin the time pass and waitin for the new day. EMT starts in five days Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 pictures from gee's business trip to China link removed link removed Link to comment
demonic-cookie Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Days 5 and 6 - Missed a couple of days because I was at journalism really late. Hope it's ok. I'm sure it is, I don't think anyone here really knows me. Haha. It's been getting easier, especially since he missed a day of school and it's now spring break so I hopefully don't have to see him ALLL week. I was kind of bummed though, because he took her to a concert that I think we would have really enjoyed. Also, I've been thinking a lot about how last year at this time, we were on a trip to Europe with my art class and he spent so much time trying to romance me. It was so special. He was my first love and the fact that we got together in such a romantic way (France, hail storm, I wrote him a message on a typewriter in a bookstore that said, "What the hell, kid, let's give it a shot" and stuck it in his pocket) just made it so amazing. My first kiss with him was on the Eiffel Tower, basically a year and a couple of days ago. That kind of stuff makes me nostalgic as hell. ETA: Question. I thought it was 30 days NC, but you said L'il Bear and Irish Jax are neck and neck. Are they doubling? Or is it actually two months and I totally misread? Haha. Link to comment
SCbunny Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 ah he's back in town! it looks like he got back this afternoon! how do i know? i broke a NC rule and saw he had posted a happy birthday comment on our friend's facebook (he didnt have internet access when he was away so this is a sign he is home) He's going to be back at work tomorrow and online...and I'll finally be able to contact him via AIM. I'm going to really want to! I want to know how his trip went, i want to hear all his exciting stories that he would typically share with me! i miss my best friend so much.... Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 LilBear has three days till 2 months of NC - Irish has two days till one month - so technically no - but a few days from completion, so yes! LOL Link to comment
demonic-cookie Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 SCBunny - It's so hard when they were friends or best friends before the break-up or NC or whatever. Mine was my best friend, and not having him to hang out and eat pizza and play video games with is so hard. *hugs* Link to comment
Mlost Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Hey, I've been NC for about 2 weeks. Can I start the challenge? Also, we have to email each other for logistical stuff until I can move my stuff out of the apartment and we also have to meet up to close out joint accounts, etc. Would that count as NC as long as I just kept it business and didn't try to/let her talk about any emotional? Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 End of Day 16 here... doing ok... NC is going strong I'm off to Florida (where it is 75 - 80 degrees compared to 45 here!) tomorrow and gone for the week... lets hope this trip gets her off my mind! I completely understand what cookie and scbunny are saying... i feel like i lost my best friend as well, not being able to talk to her and hear her voice. I guess i have to believe that this is going to make both of us stronger, better people and IF we get back together, it'll be a healthier relationship. If not, then we'll both still be stronger through the experience Good night all... Link to comment
hello-I-am-me Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 day one just ended. wish me luck. Link to comment
Artop Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Thanks Honeyspur for quoting me. I really feel very strongly about that statement. It took me a long time to realize doing these "contacts without results" were just feeding into MY addiction. Cold turkey was the right answer. I am into 31 days of no contact, on my part anyway. He e-mailed me 3 times during this time and I ignored them. It was very hard not to e-mail him back, but I am staying strong. It gets easier everyday though. Just remember as long as you decide on NC, you are the one with the control. As soon as you contact them, they regain control and why would you let someone who already hurt you so much to have a chance to hurt you again. Link to comment
gee Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Day 30 I completed 30 days! Last day of the challenge for me! I am dropping out of this challenge NOT because I am weak but because I have decided to completely let go of her! Of course she is still in my heart and my thoughts! I can't let those go it would be impossible! I just decided it is what it is and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change the situation! I have exhausted all my resources and the ball is in her side of her court! I have been thinking a lot here while in China. The way she broke up with me, text, emails she sent me were very hurtful!!! Nobody deserves to be treated like garbage! I deserve a lot more than that! Sincerely, I am a wonderful guy with a lot to offer! I know I made my mistakes and all and I asked for forgiveness because I regret it and what I did was not worth it at all (it was wrong I know!), but she chose justice after she forgave me and that to me isn't love! I know it will be an obstacle for me! I have to start all over again and that kinda scares me. I just hope this time will be the time that I find my truelove!!! I can't wait to pour my heart and soul to this wonderful person that is waiting for me! You guys do what is best for you! If it means staying in NC or not. I'm doing what my heart feels. Some of you guys I see are struggling and some are doing well. I know it is tough and if they don't come back I know one day you will find that ideal person that fits just right in your life! That's what I am searching for now but I am not desperate for it! I'm just going to let it happen naturally. Overall, God is with me and he is guiding me to where I need to be. I have prayed a lot about it. I don't use Him as a tool to get her back, but for Him to heal me, give me strength, wisdom, guidance and make my dreams come true! If she is back someday....He has the last word!!!! I will continue o come and read everyones stories and share some of mine once in awhile. keep your heads up! Sam, sorry to hear about that man. Hang in there buddy! Honey, you are awesome! Gee Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 But here is an important bit of advice from Artop: "When I was doing LC with my ex, I felt bad everytime after that initial relief. No matter what he did, answered me, ignored me, I felt bad. I knew that no matter what the result was, in the end we are still not together." I really couldn't agree more. Exactly how I felt. Nail on the head. Wait...I think I felt worse. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Day 5 apparently. Gawd time went by while debating on NC and LC, lol. I feel positive about it today...want to just move on and meet someone who is RIGHT for me Link to comment
lexion Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 hey,i've lost count again, is it 12th? i don't think i post yesterday i went to the movies yesterday, watched vantage point i wish i can watch my life like that, from her point of view i had a dream about her,that she broke up with her new bf,and we got back together and it's like we never broke up i feel weird today,instead of pain, i feel warm in my chest when i think of her Link to comment
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