GizMo567 Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 This Really Sucks!! EX'S ARE EVIL!! That is all. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 I didn't say any of this. I merely asked why he was asking. I don't even know why I did that and didn't just ignore his ignorant questions. Um...I don't either.....what happened? Why did you need verification from him about something that has to do with you? I'll be honest with you Mock because you're too smart for bs - I think you set yourself up which seems like a mean thing to do to yourself. I don't think you deserve that meaness. Contacting someone who has that kind of personality seems like a desire to have some attention - whether it's good or bad. I know you are on LC and you responded to him correctly - but stop using anger towards the ex to control them because breaking up is something you can't control. Letting go is a choice - letting go of negative attention is a choice too. I'm saying that to everyone - not just Mock. The thoughts we have for our ex - anger - sadness - frustration - irritation - fantasy - it's all about controlling a situation we are helpless in. The ex is trapped in our mind at all times - that's powerful control!! No matter what they say, we can do whatever with them in our mind. We can keep them too - in a way they never leave. We can daydream about our happy times with them - that way we still feel like we are in a relationship with them. It's a strangely selfish act. Ask yourself today - do I love my ex or do I want to control them? Am I angry at them for who they are or the fact they didn't respond the way I wanted them to? Would I want them to "test" me and then attack me in their mind? Maybe you do. Maybe you'll do anything to hang on. It might be giving up that pleasure - that satisfaction of your thoughts that you're afraid to lose. It might be the reality of boredom and lack of activity that you're avoiding - and the ex is a way to pass the time. I might be wrong about this - everyone is here under different circumstances - but just think about it. Pay attention to your environment and what triggers you to think about them - if you aren't practicing different behavior and doing new things, then negative emotion becomes your playground. Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Morning guys! Beginning of Day 9! I'm feeling pretty ok! The whole "Did you expect to marry (name)?" still bugs me...but only a bit. I just really wanted to tell you guys how AWESOME you guys are! I love coming here and being able to vent and actually give some advice and get some encouragement. A lot of the times you guys offer a new perspective I didn't have and I love you guys for it! -Yeti GOOD LUCK GUYS! WE CAN DO IT! Oh btw the song "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera is amazing. Whenever I feel like I'm giving up I just hum the tune and I'm like "YEAH! I DON'T NEED YOU BUDDY!" Link to comment
SamT Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 you know what guys, im beginning to accept this. if i dont end up with her ... then she was never the 'one' ... if she comes back ... then things might turn out... but i cant change things out of my control. ive been reading this book that came today and its given me some amazing quotes and great advice. ill get back to you soon once ive gotten to grips with it. x Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Hey whats it called Sam? I picked up "The Secret" from lexion's suggestion - could always have more to read. Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Day 27!!! Did not feel too good last night... saw something too that reminded me of him. I did work through it, but man it really kind of sux. I keep trying to not think about him. My thoughts do not center around wanting him to return, they are more about why was he so stupid and why did he treat me the way he did. I need to realize that does not matter now. If he came back, I need to have the power to realize that people do not drastically change and that in the long run, I would not be happy with him. Ugg... I just really wish the letting go process was easier. NC is the better way to go though. I would rather not know what he is doing than to hearing one of my ideas confirmed. You know the typical thoughts... it he with someone else? Does he hate me? Is he over me? I realize it does not matter. Day 27...onward and upward. Link to comment
lexion Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 "the secret" website link removed and here's direct link about the secret and relationship link removed it's basically about thinking positive, and if you want something, think,act,feel as if it's already yours Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Going to go and visit my nan not well so will post a reply to everyone later Day 4 NC for me..if I hadnt broken my 25 days Monday would of been D-day..but I am ok Because I know this NC will be a breeze in the park.. What do you miss about your ex? Nothing...in fact I will let you all know if I think of something.. See you later. x Link to comment
SamT Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Its called Love Tactics. its pretty insightful, i havent had a good look at it yet. but im pretty sure it might be some help with future relationships i had a look at the end chapter which explains things about letting go, and keeping faith. my problem is - there werent any problems during our relationship, so im always going to think what if..if we could give it one more try to see if she is right for me then i could let go easier. hmm x Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Well Sam - I don't have proof - but I'm pretty sure there were problems in your relationship. Maybe resisting that awareness is an issue. omg amazing post from SweetSmilingYeti!! - check this out - Link to comment
SamT Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 yeah possible issues that mightve cropped up in the future..i.e. her immaturity at times? and some things on my part.. but nothing that we cant change right? maybe i should just accept this as my life, go with the flow. see where it leads me.. date other people...and then see if i still want to reconcile..pff Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 yeah possible issues that mightve cropped up in the future..i.e. her immaturity at times? and some things on my part.. but nothing that we cant change right? maybe i should just accept this as my life, go with the flow. see where it leads me.. date other people...and then see if i still want to reconcile..pff YES!! NOW you're talkin'!! Link to comment
SamT Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 lol, so does this mean i have to go 6 days now! ARGH!? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 LOL 6 days Sam - just six days!!!!! Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 What do you miss about your ex? Nothing...in fact I will let you all know if I think of something.. See you later. x Well whatever I miss was never there. I miss a guy who never was even there really. I miss the sweet times. The back rubs and the little kisses. The sweet things...HA! He just wanted to have sex with me. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Guys, I'm in LC at the mo, but I have a question. I'm thinking of just straight out telling him how I feel, and asking him if he'd be willing to give us another chance. And if he says no at least I then know. And then I can NC and heal?? Wha do you think?? I don't like the wondering. Link to comment
EddieAdams Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 honeyspur... Would you mind looking at my thread..."I need some feedback!" in the getting back together forum? I need some advice on what may be happening in my situation? Anyone? I've been in NC on my end for two weeks and things have been improving alot... I don't know when I should begin LC? Is it that easy? Link to comment
SamT Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 apparently, ive read that you shouldnt push them if you acctually want to work things out, especially if things are going well? but its up to you? x Link to comment
EddieAdams Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Hey brother, Right...I agree. It seems like it's working. I just don't know when I should send a text...maybe if it's working then I should let it be? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Eddie - sent you a pm. LC should be initiated after 30 days. Your ex is exceptional however - so be on "alert" mode if you see her mood spiraling downwards. AngryHeart - I'd really like to see you complete 30 days with LC. However if you've done 30 days of this already, I say take a shot. Be aware that it's up to you to handle rejection well. Make sure you know you'll be able to jump right back into your life if it doesn't go well. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Nah, I already asked him before and he basicaly said he wanted just friendship. I chose to ignore it and lie to myself, lol. UGH, as hard as it is think it's time for NC again, but for good this time. Link to comment
bronte Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 On Day #7...I'm at my parents' house now so it should be easier to maintain NC. Even though I'm now in the same town as him! It's the computer that tempts me, though, and I don't have a computer in my bedroom here. I did have a weird thing crop up this morning, though--I checked my cell for messages and discovered that I missed one yesterday from his potential summer employer. I had forgotten that he listed me as a reference when he was doing the application back in January! He assured me at the time (this was post-breakup) that they would just want to know that he is who he says he is and lives where he says he lives and that kind of thing--that it wouldn't be deep questions about his character and that it was thereforeeee not at all weird to list an ex-girlfriend as a reference. Hopefully he's right about that, and I honestly do think that he'd be great for this job--I won't have to lie if they ask me if I think he's qualified or if he'd do a good job or anything. But still...talk about awkward! I'll return the call on Monday, I guess... Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Hey Bronte... Dont return the call to his employer... Why should he dump you, go into NC But then you should be gracious enough to support him with referencing... Let him get someone else to be his reference NOT YOUR PROBLEM NOW. Tough love hun GetMeBack Link to comment
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