Coffee80 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 thanks sam good to see how everyone is progressing!! Link to comment
SamT Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Ah Coffee i jsut read your Story, im so sorry! What an awful situation you are in, my thoughts go out to you. I think the best thing for you to do now is just go NC. Youve given him everything, he knows this, if not now then he will in the future. You are such a caring person, a peoples person, like you say. But now is the time for you.. you need time on your own. You need the time to re-evaulate what the qualities are that YOU deserve in a healthy relationship. You'll find someone better, and you will finally, receive the qualities that you have been giving for so long! Hope all is well. Sam x Link to comment
sara1 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I've decided today is going to be a good day (while remaining NC)! Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 So like I said a bit earlier... I broke my 25 days NC what an idiot but never mind.. Ex been texting me.. The last message I didnt reply too as he was just congratulating me on my book that I told him I am writing... Lo and behold an hour later...he texts me again saying...Hey would you like to chat on the phone later...which shocked me...But of course I replied like a shot..lol. I know it will only be general chit chat. But I was hoping he would ask. Oh well..soon will be the first time I have heard his voice in nearly a month..Feel scared.. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 You know I'm not going to lie - it's upsetting to see Getmeback broke NC when she only had 5 days to go. While, I believe she did what was best for her, if I start seeing this happening with everyone I'm going to have to exit this thread (which is the reason I left last time.) I really hope everyone takes this seriously because I want to see everyone succeed. This isn't just about regaining some sense of self - it's working towards a goal and reaching that goal. That gives a sense of self, believe it or not. SuperDave didn't set the bar just for it to be ignored. That said, Monique, I don't want to see you jump back into NC if the texting and talking is going well. If 25 days did some magic , we gotta take those 25 days and be proud of it, right? I'm really dying to know what's going on with him as well - You texted for awhile after your post? What is your feelings about it now? I hope you see how getting through 25 days helped you with your impulse control - you didn't talk about the relationship!! That is SO wonderful!!! No more falling off the wagon people, ok? 5 days may not seem like much when your ex is communicating and feeling open - but what would 5 more days really do to hurt the situation? We've got challengers here that are literally days away from completing. Please, let's encourage them!! gee is day 23!!!! And on a plane to China!! Will he be in a good environment to make it to the end? Or will being far away from home and in a foreign land be just enough stress.....guess we'll find out! Day 25 for Crows - AAAAAAHH my heart pounds!!! So close - I know he can see the finish line from here!!!! Irish Jax on day 22!! In a matter of days we are going to have three new graduates here!!! Wish we could have a ceremony of some kind! Hope our newest challengers take a moment to update us today!! LOL I love Sam's analogy - it's true - the challenge and it's participants is like the cavalry coming accross the open plain to rescue!! I have an exercise for anyone today who is struggling and trying to keep busy. Find someone in the thread who has graduated and browse back into the pages to find when they first arrived. Take the time to read their start and finish. This might seem daunting - given the volume of posts here - but what else are you gonna do? Obsess over the ex? LilBear is our resident graduate - she'd be a good one to start! But there are MANY others..... Sam and lexion - both on day 5 - wow - if you guys both went through these 30 days and completed at the same time - that would be exciting to see!! Gizmo - I'm glad you posted about the thoughts that run through your head - so many people go through the same thing. Strange to call thoughts that hurt that much "normal" - but they are. Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Ah honeyspur Feel bad now.....oh well all my healing is not out the window I guess..I should have waited till the 30 days...but I couldnt help it.. Honeyspur can I have a hug.... Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Can I have a groooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuup Hug please? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 You can have ten!! (HUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUG) You still have important goals to work towards. Your talk tonight - your book - nursing school. Remember we learn from mistakes - that's why we should never be punished over them. This is how we break the abusive cycle. You must keep us updated on this talk and on the book. How does it feel to be writing your life story?? Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Ok I will let you know what we talk about. No doubt the conversation will last at least an hour it always does when we talk.Strangely enough we get on quite well that way....its a shame. But yes it feels good to write my book. Very empowering...and have been looking into a few publishers too. A few have asked me to send over my synopis e.t.c. I hope conversation between me and him goes well... If it dont...back into NC for me.. Link to comment
Volkslad Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Today is day 7. I work with my ex, so how about a rule clarification? I was in the kitchen when she came in. She asked, how are things? I said, things are good, thank you..you? She: They're good. Then I walked out. Does that count as breaking NC? I didn't add any additional chit-chat beyond the bare minimum.. I don't have to be rude do I? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Well, I see your predicament. I'd like people who need to be around their ex to be brave and make it clear somehow. If you don't feel it's setting you back in any way - then short, polite conversation is all you can do. If you feel it sets you back, you should write an email explaining your NC and then if they still try to communicate - ignore them. That's right - you heard me. When we set clear boundaries and the ex decides to push the envelope, it's time to ignore. The ex can't control our lives. We have to do what we can to get through this. This WILL help when a future relationship eventually happens. Being able to set boundaries AND an EXAMPLE is crucial training for healthy relationships. Remember deciding to NOT do NC isn't failure. It's just an understanding, especially if you feel in control of your impulses and mood while talking to them. Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Morning of Day 11... not feeling too hot after checking her facebook last night. I made a stupid mistake and now i'm paying for it I feel better than i did at the start though so I have definitely healed some... lets keep it going Good luck to everyone today! be strong, its only a few more days! Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 messengerrrrrrr - what happened to deleting her from Facebook? Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 oh no i did do that... i checked her page last night and saw that she was talking to an ex which hurt me even though there was nothing incriminating on there. after that i deleted her because i knew i couldn't do that to myself again just saying how i'm still not doing so great because of that mistake... she is deleted and will continue to be for a long long time Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 hi everyone, just thought Id share what I found out this morning. since I went NC with my ex and told him I wanted no more contact from him he has broken up with his rebound. I told him last week, and I heard that this happened this week. dont know if the two events are connected but I cant help feeling they are for some reason. Im not stopping the NC though because I feel better each day and Im getting over him even more now I think. I will probably have a few bad 'missing him' days to come, but right now It feels good to know that his rebound only lasted 3 weeks. this weekend will be hard because a regular annual event is coming up and its the first time we've not done it together, so sunday will be a bad day I think Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 wow - I have to say how happy I am for you Hope Springs, it must be a relief. I personally prefer going through NC knowing my ex is alone and forced to work through emotions too. Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Day 23! Doing well today. I feel quite good and my thoughts of him have lessened greatly. Thoughts of him still enter my head, but not as frequently. The anxiety that i have felt alot since the break up is not there today, so I am happy about that. I am returning to my stronger self every day and look forward to complete conclusion of this process. Day 23--- onward!!! Link to comment
bronte Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Messenger, I'm so impressed that you were strong enough to delete your ex from Facebook! I thought about doing that with my ex, but I know he'd get really mad and probably never add me back--So I'm relying on my own willpower not to check. So far, so good... I got through my birthday morning okay. In an odd twist, I heard from one of my other ex-boyfriends this morning, one from about five years ago who is now married. We never talk so it was a little bit weird...at least I don't still have lingering feelings for him, that would have been a bit much! Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 hi Honey, yes it does feel better knowing that he wasnt getting what he wanted emotionally from his rebound situation and now hes going through what Im going through. (well, maybe).I keep trying to second guess how he's feeling b/c Im not so sure he's feeling anything much. All I know is I have to stay on NC for my own head, and keep busy. hope everyone else is doing well on the NC x and Happy Birthday Bronte! hope its a nice one xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Day 52 here. It's almost done. Link to comment
Addicus Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Messenger, I'm so impressed that you were strong enough to delete your ex from Facebook! I thought about doing that with my ex, but I know he'd get really mad and probably never add me back--So I'm relying on my own willpower not to check. So far, so good... I got through my birthday morning okay. In an odd twist, I heard from one of my other ex-boyfriends this morning, one from about five years ago who is now married. We never talk so it was a little bit weird...at least I don't still have lingering feelings for him, that would have been a bit much! Bronte Why are you worries that your ex will be mad at you if you delete from facebook? Why do you care if they are mad? Didn't they end your relationship? Doesn't that kind of trump deleting from facebook in the 'who should really be mad' department. I don't know your story but as you may of read on here when the dumper dumps you they say see ya...regardless of the rason they send a message saying they don't want you in their lives...if that is what they want give it to them.....delete from myspace, facebook etc..delte number from cell, delete email addresses!!! They want it ...give it to them! Link to comment
bostoneric Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 well after 3 months of struggling and falling back into a slump, I've decided that need some outside help. I'm going to seek out a therapist I'm comfortable with. I think living in a new area where I dont know many people or fun things to keep me busy, plus struggling to find a career job again, add to that I'm still living in an empty place while i wait for all my stuff to show from my ex. all those things along with the constant heartbreak have overwhelmed me recently. Link to comment
Addicus Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 well after 3 months of struggling and falling back into a slump, I've decided that need some outside help. I'm going to seek out a therapist I'm comfortable with. I think living in a new area where I dont know many people or fun things to keep me busy, plus struggling to find a career job again, add to that I'm still living in an empty place while i wait for all my stuff to show from my ex. all those things along with the constant heartbreak have overwhelmed me recently. I think it is a great idea to seek professional help! Especailly given the fact that you do not have a grat support system just yet.....you will though....I guess you have no choice but to go out and meet people and find things to do..use the forum for support too! Link to comment
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